Why are kids bullying my 11 year old son?

Kelly - posted on 07/01/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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A group of boys have been bullying my son ever since 2nd grade. He will be going into 6th grade in August. Last year, the bullying reached a point where it became so horrible that he switched schools. He had to leave his girlfriend since kindergarten, as well as all of his friends. At the new school, he is not bullied at all. His principal at the old school told me he was bullied because he had a better vocabulary than the other boys & was much more intelligent than the other boys. I know he does talk more maturely and has a better grasp on a lot of subjects, but I don't feel he's more intelligent. I feel the principal used this as a way of blaming the victim instead of admitting he wasn't going to do anything to the perpetrators.

Everything has been going great until he went to a summer day camp for 4 days. One of his bullies was there in his group & this boy got the majority of the other boys to bully my son. I spent $70 for this day camp only to find out at the end that my son was unhappy during 3 of the 4 days. To make it worse, I used to work with this boy's mom and I know she knows that her son is a bully & I'm sure he's talked about my son.

What I'm wondering is, should I approach her and ask her what her son is saying about my son? Maybe this would give me some insight as to why they bully my son? I don't understand how he could be so badly bullied at one school and yet be absolutely happy and have no one treat him badly at another school. At his new school, he has good friends, both boy & girl, and even has a girlfriend. I know my son isn't perfect and if he's behaving in a way that makes other boys angry at him, I would like to know so that I can work on this with him. At the same time, I'm afraid of opening this door with her (the bully's mom). Any suggestions?

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Carol - posted on 07/02/2012

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I have an 11 year who's bullied too. It breaks my heart. Your principal's reasoning is beyond stupid and he's trying to explain it away instead of dealing with it. My son's VP tried to explain that the reason a 12 year old used him as a punching bag was because he only thought it was a game. When I replied that a game usually has turns and my son never got his turn to punch the other kid she responded that I have to remember that we're only dealing with 6th graders and they don't understand right from wrong yet. WHAT??? My son gets called names daily - geek, fag, stupid, etc. The teachers and other staff believe that I make it all up. This year I'm thinking of putting a recording device in his binder (just audio). The staff also believes that the only reason my son acts "different" (bigger vocabulary, weird responses, not socially on level) is because I told him he had asperger's last summer. (Long story - but we just assumed that he was just like his dad. A couple years ago we found out his dad was diagnosed with it but never told. It explained a lot.) The previous 10 1/2 years of acting "different" was just a coincidence. I hate their logic!!!

Bottom line for you is not to take the bullying, ever. Asking the bully's mom for some insight would help you understand why her son thinks your son deserves the abuse. It should also help send the brat a message that he should knock it off. If there are some weird things your kid does maybe work with him on them while maintaining that no one ever has a right to bully him. Make sure he knows that he doesn't deserve it no matter how he acts. My son's previous guidance counselor also suggested that we get him a cool shirt or two so he'd fit in better. After banging my head against a wall to help that great advice sink in I took him to the mall. After the 6th agonizing store my son said, "If people just like me for my shirt then they aren't my real friends." Maybe I did something right - then we left without the cool shirts.

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