Why can't I get my daughter off of me?

Erin - posted on 09/05/2009 ( 23 moms have responded )

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I can't get my 11 yr old daughter to get off of me! When we sit down to watch tv she sits right next to me and then leans on me or she lays on me! She's an only child and I'm a SAHM so I know it's not an attention thing. I tried to tell her about personal space but she thinks it doesn't apply to me cuz I'm Momma....This may be a bad thing to say but when is she going to stop liking me for awhile so I can get some breathing room?????

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Veronica - posted on 10/16/2012

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Iv read all these posts, I actually googles 11 yr old clingy .. I'm at my limit now ..if my 11yr old girl tells me she loves me 1 more time I'm gonna cut my ears off.... Iv stopped yelling her back ... I'm on the verge of tears most days cause I'm so frustrated wit the lack of space, she sleeps wit me most nights, I don't get sleep cause I sleep better alone. Every night is an ordeal of begging and excuses to why she can't sleep In her own bed, I dnt understand how people say enjoy it it won't last I'm suffocated, she just won't stay away from me.. I'm afraid I'm gonna snap soon! I feel incredible guilt for feeling this way! Please help!

Sarah Jamie - posted on 09/07/2009

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OMG! Thank you thank you thank you. I thought I was the only one. My daughter is soooooo clingy. My problem is that I have a phobia of crowds and cannot handle it when its really full of people in a room, like Christmas shopping. So add onto that with a clingy child (10year old girl too) and the "freak out" I get when I start to feel that closed in feeling... and well I get super out of it, and then feel horrible because I don't want to push her away. I mean sometimes its so bad that she is actually pushing me into the corner of the couch like she is trying to nuzzle me into the couch and burrow her way back into my belly. OH! Just thinking about it makes me feel like I need to make space. I love her dearly, but we just started to out line this is your square on the couch and this is mine. I still put my arm behind her and give her kisses on her forehead throughout a show or movie, but when she starts moving over, I just ask her to give me my space back. Now, I am not saying it works all the time, but its a start.

GOOD LUCK! And like the other ladies have said, just keep thinking that soon she won't even want you to hold her hand in public or recognize you are her mom. But right now, just explain the space thing. Hopefully it will help you.

Kyle - posted on 01/27/2014

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I'm shocked reading these comments. I can't get enough of my kids love and affection. They grow up so fast. Soon they will want nothing to do with you and you can't go back in time. My daughter always wants me to hold her and I'm more than willing. She loves her daddy! Their mother is the same way. She always has the kids climbing all over her and she loves it. That's just kid life. I can't believe mothers on here saying they wish their kid would just leave them alone. Wow!

Jennifer - posted on 09/28/2009

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I tell my lil girl to give me some space! She's 10 1/2 and gets mad but I explained that sometimes you just want to be alone or have some breathing room...she gets over it after a few minutes...and it'sbeen like a year or so since Ive been doing it.... its getting easier.. just have patience and dont give in when she gets emotional or "pissy" lol its the "hip-child" syndrom...thats what I call her.. :) lol

Melanie - posted on 09/05/2009

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Hi Erin, I would recommend getting her a kitten or puppy of her choice, she will spend so much time with it and give you some breathing space. Regards Melanie

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Lauren - posted on 01/05/2014

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Oh, thank you! These posts all made me feel so much better. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing something wrong and made my 9 year-old clingy. I am a SAHM and love her to pieces but I worry I have made her insecure and that is the reason she constantly tells me she loves me and won't leave my side. She has been on winter break and has been home with me for the last 2 1/2 weeks. She is especially clingy here lately. She has one good friend, however she will not ask the friend over to play. I am always the one who has to contact the child or parent even though my daughter has the means to do so. I want her to develop social skills so I told her I am not her party planner and if she wants company she has to ask her friend over not me (kinda mean of me, I know). She is extremely smart and makes all A's, but doesn't really like school and would rather just stay at home. I seriously have considered finding work just to get out of the house and get away! Any tips or advice?

Jessica - posted on 12/02/2012

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My daughter's both do the same thing. They love to be near me, snuggle me - the difference is I don't mind and enjoy their snuggles. They are getting bigger and soon enough they won't want my attention in that way. Is your daughter having a tough time at school? Sometimes rejection or stressors from school make kids feel more clingy to Mom. My daughter is new at school this year, she has made several friends and they all seem really clingy to her (she's 12). The more they cling to her, the more she tries to balance it at home by wanting to spend more time with family and less time with her friends. When I am feeling like the kids are crowding a little too much, I simply ask them for a little room, but find a way to still touch toes or something so that I don't hurt their feelings - they like to touches because they equal "toe kisses".

Michelle - posted on 09/27/2009

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I have the same problem with my 11 yr old daughter. She has plenty of friends, we have 4 pet's and she has me her step dad and sister and brother at home. I usually tell her to quit leaning on me. lol. oh well someday I will wish she was still attached. I don't know how to get them to stop. If you figure it out let me know...lol

Christine - posted on 09/20/2009

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just cherish these days cause they will be gone soon enough. there will come a time when you are begging her to sit down next to you and watch a movie.

Chris - posted on 09/17/2009

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Maybe she is doing this because she can feel like she want's to pull away because she is getting older but, because this is on her mind she is obsessing about it and can't stop herself and the more you bring it up the more it causes her to cling to you. I know it sounds weird but, I am a touchy feely person and if I felt pushed away it makes me want what I am being pushed away from even more.

Good Luck

[deleted account]

It is a tender age between child and teen and sometimes they just need that extra love and security. I only have personal space when I go to work 3 days a week and when 2 out of 3 are in bed at 19:30. Then I have my 18 year old who is home only 70% of the time...am glad when he is home and gladly give up "my free time" to keep our good connection. They grow up sooo quickly....

Erica - posted on 09/11/2009

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My 11 year old is the same way. When I sit on the couch to watch tv in the evenings she feels the need to sit right next to me and if I lay down to take a nap she usually lays down with me. I don't know what to tell ya about when it will stop, my 16 year old was never that way. What I have done is just keep reminding her about my personal space. She is getting better but she still is very clingy to me. I can't go anywhere without her and if I go somewhere while she is at school I get 20 questions about it from her.

Kelly - posted on 09/11/2009

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I look at it this way someday my daughter is not going to want to be around me as much. I am enjoying her now because I know the tween years are around the corner and she is not going to want to talk to me as much or lay by me. Building that Bond with her now will take us through the upcoming years. Enjoy her while you can, she loves you.

Annmarie - posted on 09/11/2009

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Enjoy it while it lasts teen years are coming and then they will not want to know you exist. I wish I could go back and spend more time with my daughter at 10 or 11 when she wanted to be with me,

Bongi - posted on 09/09/2009

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Erin; be thankful that she still wants to be next to you. Take the time to establish a different kind of a bond with her; ie. grooming her for the coming teenage years etc; believe you me, I wish my 12yr old still wanted to be next to me all the time. She has a life of her own already.

Karen - posted on 09/07/2009

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Believe me it will change... give it a couple of years... I have 4 kids and 2 of them were like that..I couldn"t go to the bathroom without them on my tail... But now that there older it is all over... and now I miss it... So try to enjoy it while you can because she may start to pull away soon.. Good Luck!!

Yamara - posted on 09/06/2009

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Its funny that you say that, because I finally had a little girl who is 6 yrs old at the moment... and she is already always all over me, there are times that I have to tell her can I have mommy time by myself and she would look at me and say this is mommy time, me and you together. So I tell her you know when you are in yourroomplaying with your dolls or when your friends come over toplay would you like me to be in there all over you, and she ays no, so I tell her just because mom doesnt play in her room or friends don't come over it doesn't mean I don't want tobe alone for a while and watch tv or read a book. She is slowly getting it, she even started to ask me mom is it mommy time or can I sit with you... Then there are the time sthat she forgets. but try to explain to her whatmommy time is.. Good Luck sweetie I am sure I have more to come with mine !

Shirley - posted on 09/06/2009

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You may find she is in your space, but just remember all the cuddling you may have wanted when they were small. Just think in a few more years you may want all this back when she is not giving it. Take this time to connect to with her, instead of trying to redirect the the closeness. Use it to communicate with her about her day, her friends. I Think this may be something she needs right now. My daughter and i do the same thing at times, and lots of things come out in innocent conversations. Her developing, why her body will change etc. Enjoy your time sounds like you are very close, thats a good thing. It won't last forever, enjoy....

Erin - posted on 09/06/2009

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Well.....we have 4 dogs, one of which is her own "personal" dog. She has friends and she plays with them but it's when she's not playing that that I can't get her off of me. I'm starting to feel bad because I tell her so often to get off. It's gotten so bad that MY mom has been telling her to "get off of your mother". But at least now I don't feel like I'm the only one.

Bev - posted on 09/06/2009

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does your daughter have friends to play with? i would encourage her to play with them. my daughter was the same way (my youngest - 2 older brothers). She was my shadow. I know it does get on your nerves though. encourage her to read books (if she doesn't already). the prior suggestion of getting a pet was good advice too. it will pass - try not to worry too much. good luck

Kaylyn - posted on 09/05/2009

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I have the same problem with my 12 yr old son, an oly child. He walks and stands so close to me I trip over him! But if I try to hug him he backs off for a minute and then wham glued to my hip again. I work the same hours he is in school and have the summers off. So I am sort of a SAHM and a WM. Drives ya nuts, doesn't it! I love him dearly but at home I get no "me" time.

Glad to know it's not just us! ;)

Janis - posted on 09/05/2009

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Same thing happening here. I do work. I think it's just a phase between wanting independence and wanting to be a little kid.

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