Why do 13 years old get lazy and bad mouth us parents?

Kelly - posted on 03/22/2011

my son is 12 a i cop everything you do ! i also a 25 year old an 6 year old. my son who is 12 hassells his brother so much makes him agressive an lash out my 6 year old has aspergers an think its funny,shows him silly behaviour all i say is ayden ayden all day,it drives me crazy i take the computer off him an no skate board but hes good 4 a week then its all starts again so i feel you his favourite quote is why should i!!!!

Kelly - posted on 03/22/2011

my son is 12 a i cop everything you do ! i also a 25 year old an 6 year old. my son who is 12 hassells his brother so much makes him agressive an lash out my 6 year old has aspergers an think its funny,shows him silly behaviour all i say is ayden ayden all day,it drives me crazy i take the computer off him an no skate board but hes good 4 a week then its all starts again so i feel you his favourite quote is why should i!!!!

Melissa - posted on 03/15/2011

It's called take things away .Ipod , Wii ,Computer use ,DS -Whatever he uses that he loves ,every time you ask untill he loses enough .He will eventually sit up and take notice .And when he starts to respect you as his parent give him his stuff slowley as he earns it .

Bobbie - posted on 03/14/2011

Don't let them get by with it now. You just take away things until he gets better. He needs to learn respect. Children only break rules their parents make because we let them. It is not okay!

Jane - posted on 03/09/2011

No it is not okay and we do have to stop it as soon as it starts. I saw "we" because me and many other parents are experiencing this. It will be a challenge and there are going to be no miracles over night. My friend and I started a blog just to talk about this kind of thing from tweens to teens. Go and read some of the articles some may sound familiar! http://www.motchat.com

Kim - posted on 03/09/2011

I have a 13 yr old son so I know what you're going through and it is frustrating. It's hard to find the balance between voicing his opinion and being disrespectful. I want my son to be open with me so we have been working on how he says things, not always what he says, That's not fair is a lot easier to listen to when it's not being yelled or whined.Laziness is hard but I find a little incentive goes a long way. My son has a paper route (which he hates) but he has kept it over a year because he pays for his own cell phone. If I want him to do a chore I remind him that he is a member of the family and we all work together. in return he gets money to eat lunch out on Fridays. In the end you're the parent and he needs to not only understand that but respect it.

Theresa - posted on 03/07/2011

I had the same problem with my son we nipped it in the butt by taking away his actives no sports for a week that all it took He now does all his chores and even respect us he even has a job after school cuz he wants money to start saving for a car and dates He still talks back every once in awhile but the older they get the more they think they know everything and he learns from his own mistakes He gets grounded and phone gets taken away now

Julie - posted on 03/04/2011

13 year olds are just coming into their teens and have all kinds of hormonal, peer pressure and development issues going on and they do need our understanding and patience but they also need to learn that bad behaviour and mouthy attitude is not acceptable. laziness is part and parcel of the teenage life. i compromised here with my kids. i would leave them to lie in on weekends and holidays so long as they did any chores i asked them to do and get up on time on weekdays for school. all homework and chores had to be done before they had their own leisure time and if it wasnt they were grounded with no TV video games phones nothing. you need to stand your ground and act on anything you say and tell them calmly and rationaly that bad attitudes and behaviour are not acceptable.

Laura - posted on 03/02/2011

April's right: You need to nip his behavior in the bud right now because it WILL get worse! It is NOT okay and his behavior is NOT appropriate. You're the parent and authority figure, not his servant or BFF!

Start by clearly defining YOUR expectations for his behavior. Write these down on paper if you need to. What is it that you want him to do (chores, for example) and how is it you expect him to behave (use "please" and "thank-you", no back-talking, as examples). Along with clearly defined expectations, include consequences (punishments) and possible incentives (rewards) for either not doing what he needs to or for accomplishing what he needs to. In other words, clearly define punishments for poor choices/behavior and clearly define rewards for good choices/behavior! Consequences can include things like taking away priveleges (think TV, video games/computer time, etc) for a day (or more) while incentives can include things like allowances, special activities or extra computer/video game/TV time. Write these down if you have to. Be willing to negotiate on SOME issues, bedtime or computer/video game time as examples, and stay firm on issues regarding his safety and security. By allowing some room for him to participate in the decision-making process, he will be more likely to "buy-in" to the new House Rules and actually follow them.

Once you and he have created these House Rules, YOU need to be consistent in administering the consequences and rewards! Consistency is your best parenting tool at this point. While part of his behavior is related to his age and puberty, it is by no means an excuse! Kids this age need boundaries and structure, perhaps even more so than younger kids. Create those boundaries through expectations and rules. As your son grows and matures, be willing to re-negotiate and re-examine the House Rules to reflect new skills and responsiblilities. It's a tricky stage he's entering into: He needs clear boundaries and structure while at the same time he is seeking more freedoms. Give him the structure he needs and allow for him to earn certain freedoms. This method does work--I'm using it with my 12 year old daughter and it's been very effective--hope it helps you, too! Good luck!

Kimmie - posted on 02/28/2011

He doesn't say bad words.He just talks back to me and doesn't do what I tell him. He thinks he runs the houses and points fingers when things need to be done.

April - posted on 02/28/2011

I do not tolerate bad mouthing me EVER from any kid - not my 12 year old, not my 6 year old, not my preschool aged students or the middle-schoolers I sub for. I believe you have to nip that in the bud right now or it will only get worse. My cousins talked down to my Aunt while I was growing up because their father did. Even as adults, they still treat like she's stupid. I don't know what to do about the laziness. My son is the same. I eventually have to threaten to take away computer and TV until he helps clean up or do what I need him to do. I try to pick my battles and the language is more important to me than the laziness. Good luck!