Would you allow your 18 year old to live on their own, first year in communty college?

Shirley - posted on 03/30/2011 ( 15 moms have responded )

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My son is 18 and thinking about attending a local community college this fall. He has a friend whose mother owns a condo in town and has offered her son and mine a nearly rent free situation at the condo. I think my son should start out living at home. It just seems like too much freedom too fast but I would like to know how other moms would feel about this.



Thanks.

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Ramona - posted on 04/02/2011

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I agree with the others, depends on the kid. But, he will be legally an adult, perhaps you can make a deal that he tries it, keeps his grades up, etc... or he comes home.

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Dana - posted on 04/12/2011

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Well...he IS 18. In all actuality, he doesn't have to have your permission ...assuming he will be supporting himself. If you are the one paying his expenses you need to decide if he is mature enough to handle the responsibility.

Dana - posted on 04/12/2011

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Well...he IS 18. In all actuality, he doesn't have to have your permission ...assuming he will be supporting himself. If you are the one paying his expenses you need to decide if he is mature enough to handle the responsibility.

R. S. - posted on 04/12/2011

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It does depend on the kid. For years, we have been preparing my daughter to go away to school when she graduates. This summer, my 15 year old will spend 8 weeks in a dorm on a college campus 5 hours away, taking college classes. Last summer, she was 11 hours away for 3 weeks taking a college class, and then at 2 other camps for 2 weeks each. Independence is a wonderful thing! If he thinks he can do it, let him try. The price is certainly right!

Bev - posted on 04/11/2011

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i think you should let him go and live away from home. and see how he gets on. as for to much freedom if he was going to do anything he would do it while living at home.he's been brought up correctly you have no worries as no matter what age the children are you will always worry. Bev

Jane - posted on 04/04/2011

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My daughter is 18 and off at college in a distant town. She is quite mature in many ways but I think couldn't handle being entirely on her own. Thus, she is living in the dorm where there are some rules enforced, as a step towards total independence.



My son, OTOH, will not be ready to live completely on his own at 18, or even in a dorm setting. I suspect I will eventually have to throw him out at some point in the future. He would not remember to pay rent on time. or pay the utility bills, or even get himself up reliably in the morning. So if it were my son I would say no.



One way to measure the maturity of your child is to watch them and see how they handle various situations. For example, I have to get my son up for school every day. He can't or won't do it himself. His sister, however, started using an alarm clock when she was 11 and is rarely late to anything. My son has to be reminded to do his homework (and sometimes hounded into doing it). My daughter does hers on her own, but asks for help if she needs it. My son is always whining for money while my daughter went out and did babysitting and petsitting.



So you have to measure your son's maturity yourself, using how he responds in various situations to evaluate him. Personally, I would hesitate to let him live entirely on his own, but that is based on my experience with my kids. I suggest he either live at home and commute, or go to a school that has dorms so he is faced with some rules.

Shirley - posted on 04/03/2011

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I think some kids are definitely ready to stand on their own at 18. The questions Elizabeth asks are definitely playing into my thought process.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/03/2011

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At 18 years of age I moved to a different country (Canada) 10 hours from where I grew up (connecticut) to go to a University. I have now been living in Canada for 11 years ..I am married and have been for 6 of those years .,.we have 2 daughters and expecting our 3rd in 8 weeks. So...you would think my answer would be yes..but I don't know. It depends on what kind of kid you have...is he responsible..is he a drinker..is he going to do well without having someone to watch over? Only you know your child.

JENNIFER - posted on 04/03/2011

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MY DAUGHTER will be of to uni in september and sometimes we just have to let our children go and find their own feet.
i am not worried, as she is very independent and self assured little lady.i am going to miss her, but its her future and i as a mom can just guide and support her.

Shirley - posted on 04/03/2011

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I've just discussed this issue with a friend who allowed her child to try all this out of high school. By all this I mean work, go to college, live in an apartment, deal with the temptation to party, etc. She said no way. Yes, it is true that my son can legally leave and all I could say is good luck. But I know my son isn't ready (mature) eough for all this freedom and responsibility at once. He either needs to be in a college dorm his freshman year or stay at home while he learns how to balance all his new responsibilies. As long as we are paying for college (junior or 4 year), car payments, car insurance, food, medical care etc., we still have a say in how he lives and where he lives. If he doesn't want all that support and decides to go it on his own, then that's a different story. I'm not saying things are black and white or that we won't negotiate on issues. If he does great next year, then I would agree to let him live on his own. I've only come to this conclusion in the past few days after talking with many parents and doing much praying and soul searching.

Charlotte - posted on 04/03/2011

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There is no let them live on there own, they are 18. They can do what they want. If you try and tell him no, it my backfire on you. Let him go, but let him know if he needs to, he can always come back

Tami - posted on 04/01/2011

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My 18 year old girls will be leaving for school and work after graduation this May. As far as maturity, they can hold a job, pay for gas and car insurance, and keep grades up with both a job and house chores. They are not party animals now and that is the only thing that worries me. Meeting new friends that are not as responsible my girls. I think I have taught them the best I can and now it's time for them to prove they can handle living by themselves. They will be together and not entirely alone so that is one thing that is comforting. I just have to let them go and if they need help or make mistakes be here for advice or help if they need it. You know your son and what you have taught him. Trust in yourself and him and let him prove himself. You are very lucky to have a place practically rent free and owned by another mom with a son the same age. It will be OK mom. :)

Shirley - posted on 04/01/2011

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Thank you both for your replys. How mature are they? That is really the issue isn't it, and a very hard question to answer. I'd love to hear how parents measure their child's maturity level. What sort of things do you look for? What kinds of things do you want to know before you agree to let your child live on their own while you pay for their education. I think my situation is unique because most kids would not have a free place to live outside of their own home.

Yadira - posted on 04/01/2011

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I agree with Tina all the depends on the level of maturity your son has, My son is 19 and hes moving out next weekend, I personally dont think hes ready to move out but he thinks he is. I have also been independent since 16 and was able to accomplish many things by myself. Good luck!

Tina - posted on 03/30/2011

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I would think it would depend on the particular 18 year old. Some would be ready for it, but some would not. I have been on my own since I was 16 years old, graduated high school on time and went to college. On the other hand, my 19 year old is still at home going to college, and my 17 year old will likely do the same thing. Personally, I think it's beneficial for them to be home and see that a great benefit with starting out at community college. It gives them a leg up in preparing for university or life on their own provided the time is used wisely.

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