Would you let your 14 year old go to a rave??

Vicki - posted on 09/01/2012 ( 25 moms have responded )

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I have a 14 year old son who is bugging me to let him go to a rave with his friends. I have told him that I feel like 14 is to young to be going to this type of party. It is a all ages club and has been known to have alot of teens taking MDA and or E. I worry about this. I admit I am having a trust issue also I worry that if his friends are doing it so will he i know that he smokes pot and worry that it will led to other drugs. I told him that if he can find a responsible adult to attend i would let him go otherwise he has to wait until he is 16. Am I being to unreasonable?

My husband believes that we should let him go until he actually breaks trust. Im having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that he is 14! Ladies what do you think do you think 14 is too young? Do you think I should consider what my husband is saying? HELP!!

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Patricia - posted on 10/14/2012

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Why don't you let him go to these parties and take him in for a drug test on the way home from the party? Call your local police department or hospital and let them know what you are doing. Whatever it costs willl be well worth it. Same goes for pot; have a zero tolerance attitude in your household; make your son "step up to the plate"; not enter the world of drugs, which only will ruin his life. My 13 yo daughter knows ALL privileges including her cell phone,

non-school computer use and having her friends over will all be taken away if we find any drugs in her system period.

Be tough; your son AND husband need some tough love from you. Good luck. It's never easy being a parent but your son will thank you down the road.

Caitlin - posted on 07/01/2014

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Now that's not a good idea to let him go. I've been to many raves and trust me, there aren't any suitable ones for non-drug users. Ravers almost always get talked into taking something after time. Then they like it. I've seen it. I've seen kids go so far downhill they were on the street. I've watched lovely young women turn into prostitutes. The drugs at the raves aren't innocent, like pot or something (although that's there, too--bad for the developing mind). The drugs are mostly speed, ecstasy, heroin, pcp, etc. , just like the pamphlets say. No lying. Cocaine. Cough syrup, for pete's sake. And they're free for first timers, usually, because the drug dealers go to the raves specifically to pick up customers! Raves also draw numerous pedophiles who masquerade as teenagers and people in their 20's; it's dark and harder to see the wrinkles. Imagine one of those talking your kid into trying something new.
Teens and preteens are natural manipulators, because they're pushing their boundaries to assert their independence and ready themselves for adulthood. If you give in to their wanting to enter a potentially dangerous situation to seem supportive, they'll lose all respect for you! And to make things more interesting, you are setting them up to get hurt!--duh. Be supportive by grabbing your kid out of those situations, even if they hate you for it. Would you let your toddler run into the middle of the road? I hope not. This is another stage of development where you have to be quick to wrangle them.
If you want your kid to grow up and have fun, gain new experience, get him into rock climbing so he can get 'high' on life and not drugs. Maybe stop trying to be a 'cool mom' so your kid can get farther in life.
This is no time to be lazy.

Aily Rose - posted on 01/28/2014

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I am 13 almost 14 and I went 1 month before my 13 bday I mean and I am a girl my parents trust me and I am going agin with my boy friend and a few other fried sand all the haters don't read it if you don't wanna here it

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Stephanie - posted on 07/01/2014

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I think u should let him go, if hes asking u for permission, which most kids his age won't, it seems as if he values ur opinion and respects it. Im sure he'll do just fine.

Anna Blakely Rose - posted on 07/01/2014

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I would probably let him go. I went to my first rave when I was 15, and it was perfectly fine. I went with a big group of friends and it was really fun. My younger cousin, Dawne (13) just went to a rave with me and she had a great time. They're usually fine if you have a group of friends with you.

~Anna Blakely Rose

Caitlin - posted on 06/30/2014

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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Are you kidding? I wouldn't let my 25 year-old sister go to a rave.

Kristina - posted on 06/25/2014

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My daughter is 13 and has recently started hanging out with a new set of girls who verrrry different than the book-lovers that she's been friends with for the past couple years. First it started with her telling me about a couple of them shoplifting, then they invited her to a rave. I'm like WHAT??? I said, sweetie...you can't go to a rave. She said, How do you even know what a rave is anyway? LOL...I thought that was funny. I said, Well...I've been to several--in my 20s! So when you are in YOUR 20s, you can decide if you want to go to any or not. I didn't mention that they are drug-infused dance fests. But I will next time she brings it up I guess. Anyway, she said even more of her friends are going. I asked her how they are possibly going, how their parents would agree to such a thing? She said, O well they all lie to their parents. I just didn't want to lie to you...but look where that gets me. :( I said baby I understand how you feel...but I'm trying to protect you because they aren't safe places for minors. Everyone--almost EVERYONE--is on hard drugs! Do you really wanna be in that environment? She said, Well I won't do drugs! I said, Sometimes it's just being around the erratic people that are doing them that isn't safe! My job right now as your parent is to keep you safe, as safe as I can! And if I sent you into that--wellI wouldn't be doing my job AT ALL! She doesn't get it, needless to say. She feels left out and frustrated. What do you tell a kid in this situation? What do you do? I was very troubled as a teen and started drugging fairly early for many many years and want to try to help keep her from that. If I can. My fear is that I am going to be overly protective of her to try to shield her from everything. That's not good either.

Kara - posted on 05/13/2014

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Raves are different now. I'm 16 and I just went to one a couple weeks ago. Afterwards, I was discussing the experience with my aunt and it's definitely different. Yeah, the drugs are still a thing but the raves are not as sketch and extreme as the ones from years ago. At the end of the day, it's who you are. You can still have fun whether your sober or not and nobody pushes you into doing something you're not comfortable with. It's about letting loose and enjoying yourself with no pressure. If you think that your child is the kind of person who would do drugs and get into dangerous situations then it's probably a good idea not to let them go. But if your child is a pretty responsible teenager, who thinks things through and makes good choices, then I see no issue.

Kara - posted on 05/13/2014

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Raves are different now. I'm 16 and I just went to one a couple weeks ago. Afterwards, I was discussing the experience with my aunt and it's definitely different. Yeah, the drugs are still a thing but the raves are not as sketch and extreme as the ones from years ago. At the end of the day, it's who you are. You can still have fun whether your sober or not and nobody pushes you into doing something you're not comfortable with. It's about letting loose and enjoying yourself with no pressure. If you think that your child is the kind of person who would do drugs and get into dangerous situations then it's probably a good idea not to let them go. But if your child is a pretty responsible teenager, who thinks things through and makes good choices, then I see no issue.

Arielle - posted on 04/18/2014

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You should have let him go... The more you hold him back from these experiences the more drugs he will get rapped into because the more holding back the more "need" for the drugs, he will one day try a drug that scares him and he will learn that he was stupid and will change .. Although this sounds like a really bad idea and i probably sound like a bad mom it isnt sugar coating it because most teens do drugs...

Devon - posted on 01/18/2014

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Most people I know who go to raves go candyflipping(taking acid and molly) when they go. Anybody going to a rave has the fuck it I want to party attitude.

Cee - posted on 10/10/2012

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Most raves have a right to refuse admittion to someone who looks under 16, depending where you live and how old he looks, he may or may not get in.

I started going at 16, raves are mostly people extreemly high dancing for 8 hours, so if your cool with that kind of environment ( there used to be alot of sex at some points in the last almost 2 decades, i guess that depends on where you live though).. and yes all raves are like that except the 19+ ones that just have moe drunken people to go with the drugged people.

There are a few people at raves that promote the music and the exceptence of everyone, this part of the rave is good, but not all raves have this. (PEACE< LOVE < UNITY AND RESPECT)

If he is extreemly curious and your parentng tells you to let him see. I strongly suggest going with him. This isn't totally taboo at a rave. Where i'm from the kids welcomed parents expecially if they were having fun too. I remember parting with the retired ambulance guy ( he was like 67, he used to come as the ambulance they needed to have on site at he large raves back in the day then retired and just enjoyed going). I saw alot of kids messed up after raving and some grew up to be very sucessful in life , i guess it depends if it was really for the music you attended or for the drugs .

Cassandra-lee - posted on 10/10/2012

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I am glad you decided not to let him go. alot of bad influences at raves and he is only 14yr. I don't think I would ever let my teenage daughter got to one while under my roof or until she is 18.

Jennifer - posted on 10/03/2012

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You know what goes on there.

HE, your 14 yo son, knows what goes on there.

And your husband is co-dependent or doesn't care or something along those lines if he thinks a 14 yo boy is going to benefit from going to a rave party.



A parents job is to guide and lead and say "no" a million times to the same, repetitive question until they get it, the answer. Stand you ground Momma..you know in your mother's heart that no good will come from this.



Also, to clarify, are you honestly admitting that your son smokes pot already? That is grounds right there for some serious parenting intervention.



Please, keep the long term consequences in mind. You're the adult. He's the kid and he lacks the ability to make mature decisions.

Linda - posted on 09/11/2012

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Peer pressure is the issue, I feel, and I would say no. I have a 16 yr old and he doesn't even bother asking me to go to anything like that because he knows it won't happen. Luckily he knows what goes on there because of his friends and he isn't into drugs so he doesn't want to go. So no should be your answer ESPECIALLY if you know your teen smokes weed. It only gets worse. Hope that helps :)

Vicki - posted on 09/09/2012

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Thanks for the advice, I have already said that i wasnt going to let him go!

Mari - posted on 09/09/2012

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Ok how can I say this nicely!!! I have watched alot of my friends die at raves because they said oh no I can control myself. Raves are no place for anyone. Do you hear what your asking? Hey do you think its ok to let my 14 year.old son go to a place where drugs are plentiful, people can die or get killed, sex, and not to mention alot of older people to take advantage of your son. I have been to a thousand raves and I was one that wouldnt listen to my parents or I wouldnt even tell them Im going and.went anyway. I would NEVER let my kids go to a rave. If I were to find out that my kids were at a rave I would embarrass them by dragging their behinds out of there in front of their friends or by getting on the mic and yelling their name out. Anything I had to do I would. I was a hard partier and even though I dont anymore at all I cant go back and bring my friends back to life. I cant go back and tell them no stop dont do it. I thought we were having fun and everything was ok. Now Im down over a dozen.friends and now that Im older and want to share memories with my friends like babies, weddings, first day of school, college graduation, and etc I cant cause their not here and I didnt do anything to stop it cause I was just doing it too but God gave me a second chance to fix myself. Raves are no joke and if you havent been to one you dont really knows what goes on. Dont let him go. Nooo

Vicki - posted on 09/03/2012

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Thanks for sharing! I am going to stand my ground and not allow him to attend, I do not feel comfortable about it. I wish there was no such thing as all age clubs. LOL I think it's pretty scary how young kids start with the drinking and the drugs. Its also scary that they mix their drugs throughout the evening and end up in the hospital by the end of the night!

Dori - posted on 09/03/2012

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usually they started late at anight and went into the morning hours it was usually at an undisclosed place but i think that has changed also you had full grown adults there that would usually be the ones selling the drugs and that was usually LSD, special k and Ectasy . i would bubble wrap my kids if i could lol j/k but from what i have heard there is a lot harder drugs the kids are getting into these days ie coke and herion a lot more and honestly it scares the crap out of me so what i can protect me from i will because most of those drugs will lower your inhabition and you never know what could happen so id rather be hated on for a bit then put my kids in a risky situation like that if i can avoid it

Vicki - posted on 09/02/2012

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Can you share some of your experiences as to why you wouldnt send your child?

Dori - posted on 09/02/2012

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lets just say i started going to raves when i was around 15 they were very new then (im 33 now) and if they are the same as when i went HELLS NO would i be letting my 14 year old go

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