how do i get my 8 year old son to talk to me???

Hillary - posted on 09/14/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My son has become defiant, mouthy, sassy and completely withdrawn. Some days he is absolutely amazing and listens and helps with his three younger siblings just to help. But most days he talks back when asked to do something simple, like clean his room, he will argue with us over everything. He will argue the sky is green just because we said it was blue. Even when he knows hes wrong he will still argue. When he gets upset he won't talk to us about whats bothering him. I know something is going on, he will cry for no reason, when we ask whats wrong he always says nothing. He gets angry about stuff that makes no sense and then will burst into tears and run to his room and refuse to talk to us. How do I get him to open up to us so we can help him with whatever is bothering him? He seems so miserable lately and I want my happy little boy back. I know some of it is an age thing and a phase but I really need help to get him to talk to us!!

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Kylie-Anne - posted on 09/26/2010

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My 7yr old went through a similar thing a few months ago,like you i was at my wits end so what i did was start talking to everybody who had anything to do with him(since he wouldnt talk)it turns out he was having problems at school with a group of boys that were bullying him & several other kids.Once it was brought out & adults got involved & stopped what was going on & empowered these children to feel ok with talking about it my boy changed completely,we have lots of talks now about how much better it makes him feel to keep myself & his dad in the loop.He is smiling again,not so arguementative & generally back to his happy self.

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You have 4 kids and he's the oldest? It might help if you or your hubby take him on a date every other month or so. Just 1 parent, just 1 kid. Doesn't have to be fancy or pricey. My grandpa used to take me on dates to the airport. We'd park where we could see the runway & watch the planes take off.
One on one time will help a lot!
Also, I know you prefer that he confides in you, but sometimes a baby step is giving him some other adult to confide in... an aunt, uncle, or even the school counselor.

Jasmine - posted on 09/19/2010

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The same is going on with me and my son. He definitely changed over the summer. He not my sweet little luvvy boy and more. Still a very good kid. Its definitely an age thing. The are discovering their own identity. The best advise I have received and that I can give is just to keep your door open. You can't force them to talk. But by knowing that you are available and there for them, there will probably be many times when they need mom again.. Our boys are just growing up

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