Please Help!! I dont want to hurt my kids by this!

Aimee - posted on 03/04/2011

congratulations for beein clean for the past 3 years. ask your children as they are of age how they feel about him and if they are ok then bonus but if they feel diff then ask them why and see if u can put them right. but 1 thing u need to be happy to if he is good to u and helps u and does things with your kids it sounds to me u got a good 1. your kids will grow up 1 day and leave home and u dont want to be on your own.it sounds to me the kids do like him if they are not rebellin against u or him. good luck and hope this helps

Tina - posted on 02/13/2011

I dated my husband in high school for 2.5 years. We broke up and were seperated for 7 years. In the meantime, I had two daughters with some one I didn't get along with. When he came back into the picture confessing his undying love, I was very sceptical. I wasn't sure what kind of person he turned out to be or if he would get along with the girls. It took me about six months to come around. Two months later, we were married. The girls love him, eventhough they don't call him dad. It was the best decision I have ever made. It's kind of like your situation. You have to take a leap of faith. I know it is hard not to listen to that little vioce that is saying that it is too good to be true. The trick is to be cautious but don't let it get in your way. Trust in the Lord, have faith and take the leap. You might find true love!

Shannon - posted on 10/08/2010

Hey Sara, One day at a time thats all you can do right now everyone is happy and good it may last it may not but Life is to short enjoy what you have while you can. Be Happy live in the moment and you kids don't havea problem so like you have probably heard "IF IT AIN'T BROKE DON'T FIX IT" enjoy and be happy but remember just take things as they come

Karen - posted on 10/04/2010

STOP,why dont u just enjoy d fact dat u hav great kids dat r happy and a man who loves u.Enjoy it.The past is in the past,live for the future.It could be great but you wont know if you dont try : )

Rachel - posted on 05/21/2010

Okay you mentioned a couple things... Clean for 3 years. Check! Known the guy from before but it didn't last and now you are reaquainting your love. Questionable... The reason you feel suspicious it because you need time and don't know. Take it slow. Trust is earned not given away. That doesn't mean its not meant to be... it might absolutely is. But the more time you take the more you will have time to make sound decisions. I would not ask your children or family too much... or anyone else what they think. You are the woman of the house and you children don't know about adult romance.
You will be the confident person who recognizes that he is a good descent man ready to share a family with you. Conveniently for you and your kids. A smart woman is a strong woman

Chelle - posted on 04/29/2010

Hi i say follow your heart i was a single mum for 6 yrs meet a wonderful man moved in with him 3 months later and still going strong after 2 yrs we recently had twins it has been a Hugh adjustment for every one my older boys did it the hardest as we moved 5 hrs away from friends and family due to my partners work commitments my boys had never know a father and to see the relationship they have all built together just brings tears to my eyes its beautiful...the hardest part i felt was finding the lines of mutual agreement whether its for discipline or spoiling the cherubs and so forth and making sure you talk to you children away from every one else one on one and really encourage them to speak there mind and let them no there is no bad repercussions for what they say and i have found my boys are now so much more open and not afraid to say whats on there minds...and congrats on being clean that's fantastic and best of luck i hope it works for you

Danyel - posted on 04/21/2010

I say best of luck to you. You seem like you have thought this out and are not rushing into with your eyes shut. I must say congrats to you for getting your life together. I have never been in that position but it must have been a long road. Good for you. You probably feel like you are doing something wrong because it has been a long time since you have been in a relationship. You are not doing anything wrong. You are putting your kids first :) that's the main part but you also have to have happiness. You said your kids were okay with this so let it be and just be happy. Best of luck to you all:)

Crystal - posted on 04/16/2010

I know how you feel. I was divorced and single for several years before I dated again. When I did meet a guy date-worthy, it still took me several months before I would let him meet my children. I had a 5yr old boy desparately looking for a father in his life & thought every guy he saw should be his dad so, I didn't want to have him become attached only to be let down. I've since then gottten married to this man, and he's adopted my son. Regardless of how much my son loves his dad, they had disputes over who was "my gardian" at times and I could sense that my son wasn't used to not having all my attention whenever he wanted. I fixed/helped this situation by dedicated a mom & son only day for the two of us. They have their boy time too. If you really listen to your gut and not just how lonely you are/have been, you'll be able to follow your heart. I didn't want to even talk to my husband the night we met, but something kept pushing me. I tried to make him scared to be in a relationship with me. He too is younger than me and was a bachelor with no kids. Now, he has two and you'd never notice he hasn't been here since the day my son was born. Fate works in mysterious ways. You'll know the right answer.

Nicole - posted on 04/14/2010

I would have to say that if you are this worried about the situation you're in being wrong for your children...then it may be. However, also, if you feel you have been more affectionate towards this man then to your children...you should change that! I would suggest that you show your children more love and affection then this man because the children should be your main focus. I think you are doing a good thing by checking with your children about how they feel about this situation, keep that up...check regularly. Good luck!

Danielle - posted on 04/10/2010

Congrats on being cleans and i to agree tht u should follow ur heart and tht, u and ur new man can sit the kids down and tell them wts happing and tht u wont do anything wit out telling them 1st i.e getting married having a baby those types of things. On the other hand u r a adult and deserve to b happy and if this guy is the 1 for u and he makes u happy an id great wit ur kids then thts gd, bear in mind u know this guy quite well ( i guess ) bt ur kids dont to give them time to get used to the idea and MAKE sure they know tht ur their mum and no1 is gonna take u away frm them and tht u love them so much and tht they mean the whole word to u and they r the most important things in ur life. Jst take things slow to begin wit bt it already sounds like he is ace guy, Let me know how u go hun xx

Niki - posted on 03/10/2010

just make sure that your still spending lots of quality time alone with your kids, and that your man is making an effert to bond and play with them so that they feel like their getting a bonus, rather than loosing their mama. Im going through similar things with my new man and my son, whos had me all to himself his whole life (hes now 7) at first he was totally fine, but lately hes been getting jelous if he see's us cuddling, and is wanting to sleep in my bed again, but trying to take it slowly, cuddling in private rather than public, and making sure my son isnt loosing anything by this new person being in our lives helps.

Shannon - posted on 12/16/2009

As good as it makes you feel to be with this man right now, you need to wonder why he thinks it's ok for him to show up at your house on Friday and then just stay. Does he not have any responsibilites in his own home? Plus, since you have been alone for such a long time, maybe you need to consider how you're going to feel about having someone smothering you next week or next month. It's strange that this guy would be so into doing your dishes and cleaning- is he there to be with you or is he there showing you how he's going to want things done when he knows you've gotten serious with him. You asking your young children how they feel about the situation is just not fair to your kids. Did you ever think that they might be saying what you want to hear. Kids say what they think will make their parents happy even if it's not the truth. I have 9, 6, and 5 year olds myself, and I cannot imagine asking them what they would think in a situation like yours. I honestly think you are being selfish, even though you probably don't mean to be- it's hard to be a single mother! If you really want to try to get back together with this man, you should try dating him outside your home before he spends the night in the same home as your children! Go on a couple of dates just you and him. Then maybe do some things with the kids outside your home- go to the park or to the McDonald's playplace, etc. After awhile, if everybody truly feels comfortable, then have him visit you during the day at your home with your children. There's no need to rush- if this guy has really been waiting for you for 5 years, he should be willing to wait a little longer so your kids don't get hurt. As for you not giving this much quality time to your kids in a long time, that's your own fault. If you can do it with a man in the house, you could have easily been doing it without this man in your house. If you have that sneaking feeling you are doing something wrong, you have to ask yourself why you have that feeling. Could it be morals??? When you got pregnant, you gave up your right to think of yourself before your children. You are the one who is teaching your children about the world and how to have a healthy relationship- think about what you are teaching them!

Patricia - posted on 12/16/2009

It probably feels sneaky because you have been alone for so long. I felt the same way. After 4 yrs I met someone. It was weird at first cause I was so use to doing things on my own. Its nice to have someone there Iwasn't really aware of how lonely I really was until him. I am glad you are having these thoughts some girls just rush in and not worry about the kids. You need to trust yourself and your feelings. Just keep the communication open with him and your kids. I think maybe cause at one time you were unhappy for so long its hard to imagine something this good could happen to you. Enjoy it! Its nice to feel wanted and loved.

Christina - posted on 10/29/2009

I think it is great you have been clean for three years! My daughter is seven years old and we actually moved in with my boyfriend and his two sons. We dated for a long time and talked for months before we decided who would make the move. Personally I would have a hard time allowing someone to move in right away, but if you feel this is the one for you, and he makes you happy, and your children. Then you just need to do what you feel is best.. Sorry I probably didn't help much.... Good Luck!

Melissa - posted on 10/21/2009

First, congratulations on being clean for the past 3 years. I have a (soon to be) 7 year old son. And for the first almost 4 years of his life, it was just him and I. I felt really alone. I met this guys a little over 3 years ago, and we began dating. He knew I had a son before we began dating. Just like this man of yours, mine is wonderful for my son. He treats his as his own and they do everything together. I love the fact that my son has a stable father figure in his life. Someone he can talk to about boy things. I think your children will really benefit from having him in your life. Just talk to your children about how they feel. They are old enough to understand the simple facts of life. I would simply tell them that they are your whole world and that nothing can change that. But as an adult you feel alone. You need someone to share some adult things with. And ask them how they feel. It sounds like he is a great guy and treats your children with respect and caring. I think that will make it easier for your children to accept. Just follow your heart and everything will fall into place. If your not happy on the inside, it will eventually effect your kids. You do not want to end up resenting them, because you feel that they held you back from you being happy. If you are happy, and your children see that, they will be happy for you. I hope this helps. Good luck!!