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Need advice about hatefulness directed at my 8yr old

Angela - posted on 12/07/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )

I really need to know how to handle outright hatefulness directed at my son by his ex-bestfriend and possible meaness coming from the boy's father. Let me just start by saying this boy lives 2 houses down from us and he is in my son's class. They have been bestfriends since 1st grade(2 years). They used to always play together. I have watched this kid whenever his mother needed me to and vise-versa. The kids haven't been getting along very well and I told my son to take a break from his friend for a little while, then they could try to play together again after Thanksgiving break. They've tried it and it hasn't work out. This boy (supposedly) has been saying very hateful things to my son. I needed his mother to watch my son for a bit one day and so the boys had to play together. When my son got home he told me that his friend said that he wishes that the toy axe they were playing with was real so he could chop my son's head off! On another ocassion. he said he wished the toy sword was real so he could stab my son and kill him! The boys father had told my child (on the day he was being watched by the mother) that he didn't care if his mother was home or not, if he didn't be nice he was going to send him home. When I questioned my child about it, he said his friend told him he was stupid and my child said in return, you're dumb. My son said the dad walked by when he said that, didn't hear what his friend said and didn't question what was going on. This dad (I've been told) said he HATES my child. The boy said this to my face and my son also told me this! I really don't know how I should handle this situation. The boy has been telling other kids not to play w/my child and is calling him names when walking down the path after school. This boy used to NEVER be like this! I don't know if I should talk to both parents or just leave it as my child doesn't ever play with this boy again! I know there are 2 side to every story too!

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Tessa - posted on 01/10/2012

That sounds realy odd. Kids have falling outs all the time and can be realy nasty to each other, often for no reason at all. But for the father to be doing it as well? That makes me wonder if there is something else going on at the little boys home. Try talking to his mother and explaining what you know of the situation (making sure to talk in a way that does not make her feel like a bad parent and get defensive, causing more issues) tell her what your son has been telling you and ask her if she could please talk to her son and husband to find out whats been going on. It sounds like you must be good friends with his mother so maybe you could even ask her if everything is okay between her and her husband?

If not, then I would talk to the school and see if maybe then can arrange for the school councillor to talk to him and make sure nothing is going on?

Id also arrange for a different person to look after your son for a while, clearly he is not happy being looked after by them. For all we know, he may be making this all up just so you wont get him to go there anymore. Or he might be telling the truth. I would think it would be a better option to make sure everything is okay in that house.