Bitch Vent!!!!!!! Who is with me?

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 07/10/2011 ( 70 moms have responded )

12,224

26

238

Anyone else want to add encouragement, hope, guidance, complaints, advice......... anything really. Ramble about your life, go for it. Tell me you found a new awesome guy, go for it. Where is everyone at in their relationships in this point in time? I'm somewhere down Dante's ladder....... lol

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jessica - posted on 07/11/2011

547

0

2

Yes... all warnings did for my husband was give him a chance to plan and spread awful rumors around a complex of ppl he would not ALLOW me to speak to. My husband did the "but the baby always need something" thing too.... and yet he does not live here anymore... go figure...

Constance - posted on 07/13/2011

2,651

24

136

There you go Nicole he is coming around. Guys ae like that. It drives us crazy but sometimes all it takes is to light a fire under their ass.

For a long time I had the opposite problem. He was a total neat freak which didn't bother me until we had #3 and my my brother's 3. Everything had to be perfect all the time. That eally just isn't possiable with 6 kids. I had to teach him it was ok not to wash the dishes everytime one got dirty. When he finally got it through his thick skull he took it to the other extreme not cleaning at all. I could have killed him. Now he has a balance but we have to be clean freaks because of youngest daughter. Which is a serious pain in the ass with 8 kids plus who ever else drags through the house.

[deleted account]

That kitty ltter thing is half myth.

"So while it's possible to get infected with toxoplasma oocytes from direct contact with cat feces (such as handling the litter of a newly infected cat), you can also be exposed to oocytes elsewhere – while gardening, eating unwashed vegetables, or drinking contaminated water, for instance." From your link.

Pretty much if you have been around or owned cats your whole life you are immunne to it.
http://www.healthscout.com/ency/68/708/m...
In saying that even though i have been around cats my whole life i still wouldn't touch the kitty litter.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

70 Comments

View replies by

Jessica - posted on 08/19/2011

547

0

2

hehehe... now the EVIL(not really) Constance shall... whip him into shape?



dunno... it sounded funnier in my head.

Constance - posted on 07/14/2011

2,651

24

136

Yeah now he is well trained. Now if I culd get him to sleep on his head that would be pefect. LOL

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 07/13/2011

12,224

26

238

No I don't clean the kitty box - which is why it's been dirty for a month.......... :/ I'm sick of nagging about it
Soon though, soon. He's doing it ALL :D

That really sucks..... one extreme to the other Constance!!!!! Yikes!

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 07/13/2011

12,224

26

238

Moron.



Moron.



Sorry to hear your car got hit Shannin :( and that your neighbor is an idiot Emma! Did they just drive off?



My boyfriend rides a bike and is always complaining about the ones that give all bikers bad reps. His group of friends are good people, but there are definiatly jerks out there on them too.



Kitchens clean. He vacuumed the livingroom this morning - even yelled at me for picking up a pen and going to clean kitty barf before he vacuumed. Right on.... Laundry is finished. I just have to sort mine and babies out, but also need to fix my shelves. Joy. He just went to his job to finalize paperwork and go on a tour, he starts tomorrow :)

So hopefully he keeps it up

Shannintipton - posted on 07/13/2011

36,025

50

522

We have a curve and my car was hit a 4:30 in the morning.....while sitting in my drive way.....after I just got it back from damage I had caused. I hate that corner. It is the only bad thing about our area. IMO.

Stifler's - posted on 07/13/2011

15,141

154

597

This is a cul de sac! Some idiot who has a motorbike just takes off from the end as fast as he can get until he hits the t junction. Idiots.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 07/13/2011

12,224

26

238

By my moms house, it's all dirt roads. Speed limit posted : 25. Not allowed to go over 25. What do people do? Ummm 50? 70? I've seen it all too - tweakers in the middle of the night driving 70mph down the dirt road WITH their LIGHTS off!!!!!!! No headlights on - trying to go 'incogneto' while doing 70?! Smart............

Stifler's - posted on 07/13/2011

15,141

154

597

People in this street don't seem to get that the speed limit is 50 unless otherwise signed. I swear they race down the street at 80.

Shannintipton - posted on 07/13/2011

36,025

50

522

Crap the neighbor girl lost her job. Last day will be Sunday. She is going to be hear ALL THE TIME NOW. FFS. She is on her way now to tell me what happen. I need to find her a job. Oh god help me. Got to go. Talk to you guys much much later. Damn it. :)

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 07/13/2011

12,224

26

238

Hah, seriously. Sorry to hear Emma :(

For fucks sake = my neighbors at 7:30 AM smashing metal?! Whyyyyyyy

Oh and someone stole our entire bin of cans we were going to recycle

I HOPE YOU NEEDED IT MORE THAN MY BABY NEEDED FORMULA or me needing a root canal, assholes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Makes me want to just punch everyone on the street for good measure... ther'es not many. Can I? Can I?

Jessica - posted on 07/13/2011

547

0

2

This is true. It take less energy to DO it yourself than to deal with a whiny baby adult male who just doesn't wanna. Then we run into the issue of limited energy supply... but then once again... you use more to get help..... then it is harder and easier at the same time.

[deleted account]

Another fine reason to be single! No asking them to do something and having them whinge and sook and moan about it. I have no choice which makes it easier in a strange kind of way.

Stifler's - posted on 07/13/2011

15,141

154

597

I asked my husband to put Logan to bed tonight and he's like ok and I'm like MAKE SURE YOU READ HIM A STORY and he's like OH FOR FUCKS SAKE *pauses movie* I'm like................................... they're not just MY kids you know! Men can be STUPID!

Tamara - posted on 07/12/2011

10,839

65

428

I can slap some sense in to him when i come down there lol

Jessica - posted on 07/12/2011

547

0

2

The hardest part of of leaving was not deciding, it was getting the nerve to do it. When you leave, don't leave a reason to go back.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 07/12/2011

12,224

26

238

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......... yeah. I had a lazy ex before. Awesome I found another one to have kids with. I see a pattern here that if I leave I need to break........ immediately.

Seriously, my boyfriend called his friend 'crazy' because he cleans when he is bored. All I could think of was 'wow... which one?' :)

Damn, it just happened to be the one with the Masters degree who doesn't want kids, ever, and actually liked me when we all first met........... oh how my life could have been different........

I don't regret having kids though, so I have no stress there. I loooooooooove my babies! Way mushy about being a mom, wouldn't trade it for the world. Don't care if I have to do it alone. Whaaatever. I'll finish my degree and get my own life then.

Maybe go to that website........... wild what? Secrets? Yeaaaaaaaaaaa........

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 07/12/2011

12,224

26

238

No, it's okay. Any and all advice I want to hear, thank you, really :)
I'm grateful to anyone who responds to my BS haha

Jenni - posted on 07/12/2011

5,928

34

373

I get it. I'm giving you the same sort of advice I'd give another parent trying to modify their child's behaviour. And the thing is; he isn't a child. You shouldn't have to be his mother. It's not your job to raise him.



Sorry Nichole, I wish I had more to offer in the way of advice. :(



Btw: he sounds A LOT like my ex. I worked and he stayed at home mooching off me. The house was pretty close to how yours is in the pictures. And I am a total neatfreak... i felt like I was drowning. All he did was play computer games and after work I'd have to use what little time I did have to do the cleaning. I left him after my warnings kept going unheard. There wasn't kids involved though, but I regardless, I would have left him. I reached the point where it was either him or my own sanity.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 07/12/2011

12,224

26

238

Makes sense. I've tried.... I just don't feel like at this point, at my breaking point in our relationship, I should have to sugar coat crap for him anymore. Bargain with him over stupid couches anymore. Try to word it nicely so that he feels better about it.

After everything I've tried..... I can only imagine how good it would feel to be with someone who tries just as hard back instead of fighting with me, against me. That's the saddest realization. What if someone had worked this hard for me? Had been nice enough to not hurt my feelings by trying to rephrase things? Why is it always me doing that bit? Me trying to figure him out. Me trying to motivate him. I'm sick of it........
But thanks. Any advice is appreciated.. It's really helpful

Jenni - posted on 07/12/2011

5,928

34

373

Have you addressed his general lack of motivation? He probably wants to concentrate on the 'little things' you list because that way he can justify it as you nit picking/nagging or chalk it up to pregnancy hormones. That way he takes the blame off himself and doesn't have to deal with it and puts the blame on you. He can write you off as being ridiculous for wanting to leave over a couple couches. Concentrate on the root and as long as he is willing to identify that there is indeed a problem you may discover a way to get to the bottom of and solve the issue.

It's natural for us to go on the defensive and become rejectful of the person's message who is critisizing us. Find a way to turn the blame on them. If you could manage to address the problem as 'you're both taking this on together' and you're both trying to improve. You may get more results. Does that make sense? Or have you tried this already?

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 07/12/2011

12,224

26

238

EI out here docks your checks if you go to college, watch out on that one. We have since agreed that we should have lied a long time ago and just gone though becasue they just never check......... they are so under staffed and over booked on people collecting, they don't check anything right now and up until this last 'extension' he's filed, he hasn't even had to prove he's been looking for work. System can't keep up with it, they don't care.



The kicker is because you are supposed to be 'actively seeking employment' when you are in school those hours, that is time away from 'seeking' so they take it as 'not seeking' and dock the check. So he never went to school. We talked about online classes, starting out and just not telling them. Then just sneaking into it all........ but everything fell through when I decided I wasn't going to go right away.



Hope that helps you just in case you end up in that scenario :/ pray not. It's no fun. I haven't heard of them helping anyone retrain. It's a joke.







I do worry we won't work because last night as I was trying to make sure he knew what needed to be done to 'make me happy'........... he wanted to keep at least one of the couches. I just wanted to scream at him....



When we first argued over the couches, I said they don't belong on the porch. Ew I think that's a gimmie, come on. He was mad at me for getting a matching set and gettind rid of his!



I paid for it even......



Oh and I'm allergic to feathers, which is what one of the couches is filled with. It's why (besides the couches not matching and not fitting together) we needed a new couch. He said 'What's the big deal, you've been sitting on it for months'. Argued with me that I must not be allergic to feathers.



Meanwhile, I asked him when we first got together if anything was feather because I'm allergic. My parents had to get rid of their couch - it made me break out in hives. I had to give away my feather pillows and comforter. It's a real allergy.... that he apparently thought I didn't have.



Ummmmmmm...... I tried to find middle ground on this one by asking him if he could at least switch the couches so I could sit outside with him. He complained the arm rests would be in the wrong spot. I finally get him to agree to do it, and he never does it.



I finally told him to just throw them away and he tries to bargain with me to keep one.



He's still trying to bargain with me to keep one. He doesn't believe I have allergies to feathers because he didn't see a reaction. He never even moved the stupid couches around for me. What a joke. This is why I have little faith that we will work. He's disrespected me on top of being unbelievably lazy. Never done what he says............. man



I should just leave....... expecially since I'm getting this sort of flack still. He asked me last night 'You're going to leave me over couches?' I don't think he gets it. I don't know how to help him understand. I guess I should just take off at this point........... this is where I need advice..........



Leave and tell him to fix it all or I'm not coming back, right? Fun....... what an ass

Jenni - posted on 07/12/2011

5,928

34

373

Nichole, i yi yi!

I wish I could come to your house and help you clean it up! :( It isn't safe conditions for your baby. But from what I saw a lot of it you couldn't do yourself being pregnant. My husband is a 'typical' man and fairly messy but he also works 12 hour shifts so I take on much of the cleaning myself. But even he, working 12 hours, does his part. He was really messy when I first met him but now he gets like me when the house is a mess, we can't stand it!!! On his days off, if he sees me doing heavy cleaning he feels guilty and pitches in. He always takes on the 'big' jobs and takes great pride in our yard and garden. He may miss the hamper or leave clothes in the bathroom, leave messes in the kitchen but really it's minimal in comparison. I don't mind cleaning up those little things after him because he works. But crippes woman! That IS horrible and I can totally understand the stress it must be causing you!!

I don't know what advice to give you, none that you haven't thought of already. I personally, could not put up with it. I would probably tell my husband that I'm staying at my mom's until he gets things sorted out. Was he always this unmotivated? Or just since he lost his job? As Nikki suggest I would suspect depression. I also hear you on the job opportunities. That sounds exactly how it is here. My husband also has a $20/hr job and if he were to lose it now there would be very little opportunity despite him having his university degree. But he's already talked about the 'what if's' and he would use his unemployment to go back to school for retraining. I'm not sure how EI works where you live, but do they provide incentive for retraining?? Perhaps that could be an avenue he could persue.

But yeah, if it were me... I'd probably go stay at my mom's until he got his shit together. Either by going back to school, taking a $10/hr job, and at the very least sort out his shit at home.

At the same time, you've tried and found it worked for only 2 months... and that's the thing. Unless he is able to tackle the root of why he is unmotivated the two of you will keep finding yourselves back at square one.

I wish you and your family the best. I hope this is something you two can work out and overcome.

[deleted account]

I have 3 beautiful kids who give the best hugs ever but it's just not the same as snuggles in bed just before falling asleep.
Everyone keeps telling me toys are the way to go but one problem arises with being a single parent and thats lack of money but my oh my when i finally have a bit os spare cash i'm splurging! :p

Jessica - posted on 07/12/2011

547

0

2

And that is why "toys" exist. As for snuggling... my kids hug me quite often.(though I understand what you mean)

[deleted account]

You made me realise how happy i am being single. Although a snuggle buddy would be nice on sme occasions!
I don't know how you have put up with that for as long as you have.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 07/11/2011

12,224

26

238

I've been in a relationship that 'broke' before.. so I'm still lost... Unless you are just making a general metaphore for love lost?

Jessica - posted on 07/11/2011

547

0

2

When it breaks you will understand. My mother used to say it when I was a kid, and I didn't understand it until it happened. think of it as being beyond the breaking point.



Think of it like a rubber band....

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 07/11/2011

12,224

26

238

To streatch, not to streach? What should I do? Go live with my parents while he takes a month to finish? I'm not exactly sure what you mean by that one.. because my love has been streatched........ I'm sick of worrying completely about his. I and the babies need this :(

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 07/11/2011

12,224

26

238

Thanks Constance. I know he loves me - but sometimes people don't do enough to keep a relationship lasting. I think many if not all of us have experianced that :)
I was just realizing that I hadn't quite given him a deadline for this 'get it done' scenario and was going to make a solid list and ask him to finish it within the week.....
He also said we should turn off the computer and everything distracting in the house for an hour before the baby goes to bed every night so that we can have quality family time. Wow, when have you ever heard a guy say that before? Hah
So we'll see. Thanks again. This has helped me vent and realize a few things

Constance - posted on 07/11/2011

2,651

24

136

Nicole he may drive you nuts, but Ithink he really does love you. If he got his ass in gear today then he doesn't want to lose you. You need to sit down with him and put all he cards on the table. Without yelling and fighting and then decide what youneed hinm to do everyday withou you having to be his mom as well. Even if you put up all the things that need to be done in the house. It will give a visual reminder so you don't have to remind him.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 07/11/2011

12,224

26

238

Thanks. I have no guarantees it won't go back that way. I'm giving him a deadline and if the Xbox comes on during this period.. I'll leave. If it all doesn't get done in a week, I'll leave. If it doesn't stay maintained, I'll leave. Trust me when I say I'm at my breaking point. That's why I had to let all this BS out - thanks for reading it by the way. It's been hell. I just want it done or I'm moving on, period. As I feel I have done and tried all I can here.



And well, if I am still with him complaining of Xbox problems in 2 months......... someone put me out of my own stupid misery. There's an organization for that, right? Haha

Jessica - posted on 07/11/2011

547

0

2

Niiki...People said the same thing to me, all they did was make my husband "fake" it and use it as an excuse to keep doing the same stuff. Obviously she is tolerating a lot and thinking about "his side" however their IS a reason it is HIS side...



Nicole, If your sure it won't go back to they way it was you have my full and open support. If not... I will just shut my trap.





*edited*



No one but me is queen of my home... for I am the bitch queen... especially at that "time"...

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 07/11/2011

12,224

26

238

Yeah, unhealthy for sure. I'm pretty much depressed. He's never been able to NOT find a job so I know it got to him too. He depleted almost 7,000$ in savings before he even collected unemployment because he thought he could just get a job and get back on his feet. He didn't want to file either. He's mad he did that now because it was a cash out the stock in the company and lost a lot of long term savings type of deal. Ick.



I told him the other day do it all or I'm leaving today. Since then, he cleaned the kitchen, is going to finish the bathroom tonight and finish organizing the bedroom. Just ran to the store for me. Going to get the motor out of the livingroom this week with the help of his dad. I mentioned 'couches too' (his dad has a truck).... so he's on it.



Trust me, I can't tell him 1 more time to do anything so if I feel like I have to, I am leaving.



He also got 2 job offers last week and we're just doing pee tests, background checks and the works in order to secure 1.



I still want to smash the Xbox for making my life a living hell for the past year........ ugh.

Nikki - posted on 07/11/2011

5,263

41

554

Nicole, I don't want to sound judgemental but your relationship does not seem healthy. Have you thought about attending some couple counselling? Also you speak about him being unemployed, is it possible that he is dealing with depression? to be honest it sounds as if he is depressed, so maybe you need to look at this from another angle? Maybe look into getting him some help, look into future options for him work wise, can he look into a different career, going back to school, picking up part time work? His behaviour, staying up late, no energy or motivation are pretty good indicators of depression.

I think first of all you need to work out if you want to be with him, do you love him enough to have him in your life? If the answer is no, leave now and don't drag this out, if the answer is yes, get him some help and improve all of your lives.

Rachel - posted on 07/11/2011

444

43

130

You deal with alot more then I would ever deal with. Right now I work part time and am also disabled. Nothing that anyone can see I have constant pain in my lower back and a few other medical problems so I have trouble with things like vaccuming and things like that. My boyfriend and I both got laid off of work 4 months ago and he was able to get unemployment but I couldnt I found a job and he still hasent so when I am at work he takes care of the kids and does all of the cleaning, Laundry, vaccuming and other things to keep the house clean. I think you should leave him atleast for a while go stay with your parents house. Give him a list of things that need to be done for you to come back and dont give in. dont go back there till everything on the list is done. Good luck Dont put up his bullshit you dont need and and the fighting is not healthy for you or your children.

Alexandra - posted on 07/11/2011

79

15

5

I seemed to have had the same issue all his friends thought I was this huge bitch because I "made" him buy diapers and what not. God forbid the guy does the job of a father. Then again they are all potheads and unemployed bums who don't want to work. So I don't care if they think I'm a bitch cuz you know what I'm queen bitch in my house now muahahahahaha

Alexandra - posted on 07/11/2011

79

15

5

When you decide to do it don't warn him, pack everything up and go I say you walk into a pawn shop and sell everything, they'll buy anything if the price is right. You have to be rutheless because obviously warnings don't work unless you follow thru. Make him miss and appreciate all you do for him.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 07/11/2011

12,224

26

238

Yeah, before I moved in with him, I'd spent 4 years living with my parents and renovated their entire house top to bottom. So I knew it didn't take much to fix a place up, expecially one that isn't dry wall (don't miss that! we actually had plastic garbage bags for the bathroom walls for a few weeks because we gutted the place haha) but his stubbornness and procrastination are what has been the most stressful thing to me this past year. It's kept me from fixing the house.

Another thing that's pissed me off? I bought ALL the paint to paint the house colors we discussed and wanted. He can't clean it up enough to do it (even though we did half the livingroom, never finished the trim) and well one arguement he said 'Why bother?' excuse me?! Why didn't 'why bother' come up in the first place then. I was so mad..... lol

I just told him today if I leave I'm smashing the Xbox. He said my jewelry would go into hiding then, forever. I make jewelry so I have boxes of it in the shed. I said nope, you'll be working....... it'll all happen overnight. 'I have the only key' he claims. Dude, it's a METAL shed......... I'll ram it with the baby stroller and it will open.

See how he likes those thoughts....

Alexandra - posted on 07/11/2011

79

15

5

HOLY SHIT!! I JUST SAW THOSE PICS. You know in MA if a cop ever saw the house in that condition they would remove the child from the home. Im serious they say that it is a form of neglect.

Alexandra - posted on 07/11/2011

79

15

5

I can tell you my entire house is still primer -_-! I had to put together all the baby's furniture because if i waited for his lazy ass ide still be waiting. One day i got so fed up when i told him the baby needed new clothes and he had a fit because "that baby always needs something, what about what i need" his exact words. At that point my answer was "THATS IT OUT, GET THE FUCK OUT NOWWWW". After he finished picking all his crap up from the street and called his daddy to get him he asked why. My simple answer was i only gave birth to 1 baby so i will only be mommy to 1 child. AND i made him pay me $1000 a month in child support. That sobered him up real quick. Needless to say he came back crawling and begging for a second chance. Now when i say something needs to happen and he knows im serious i dont have to repeat myself.

Nikki - posted on 07/11/2011

5,263

41

554

OMG, you poor thing. I would throw everything out, I couldn't handle living under those conditions with a baby. I would hide the xbox at someone elses house and hold it ransom until the house was cleaned and organised 100%. Can you live like this for the rest of your life? If not, change it, either leave him or make him help. Good luck

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms