Divorce is not an option?

Amy - posted on 05/22/2012 ( 21 moms have responded )

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I keep reading this in women's posts. I get it you want to make your marriage work but is "divorce REALLY not an option"? I think some people our quick to use it as an answer to all problems but if your partner or spouse isn't going to put any effort into the marriage why can't divorce be an answer. Why do you have to stay unhappy in a marriage because you have kids, or because of what others will say and think.

I mean honestly if you find out your husband is a pedophile is divorce still not an option???? I just don't get it, why some women don't think divorce is not an option when clearly their partners don't care!

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[deleted account]

There aren't a lot of things that would make me call an attorney. But those few things would make me call immediately, no discussion, no "how can we make this work", they are deal breakers. Thankfully they are things I highly doubt I'll have to ever deal with.

I think some women say divorce isn't an option, because they want to hear if anyone has any ideas of something else they could do. For others I think it is a fear, especially for those who make very little or don't work.

Divorce is sometimes best for the kids even. I wasn't happy when my parents divorced, but it was one of the best things they'd done for us.

September - posted on 05/23/2012

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I would divorce my husband only under a few circumstances which would include putting his hands on me or cheating on me to name a couple. It would have to be something major for me to feel the need to file. Minor things can be worked out.

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[deleted account]

bring it on... you and yo man sound like some good lovin folk... who'd eva want dirurce! me a hill billy too and crayed like a babe wen it arll fall apart... not really a hillbilly... finding it quite hard to do that accent.. much better at being quite brittish

Laquisha - posted on 06/19/2012

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me an MAH man got murried in the backyard and if we EVA got divurced i wuld cry

Danicia - posted on 06/19/2012

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i honestly believe that for myself and my husband, divorce is not an option. it's something we have agreed on since the day we met- if our relationship made it to marriage that our commitment to one another was forever and divorce is not an option FOR US.

my parents were divorced when i was four and when i was 17 my father went through his second divorce. i believe that their divorces were necessary (father was really abusive towards his wives but hid all his abusive tendencies until after they were married- granted they jumped into it before really getting to know one another (both times).) if it is an abusive situation it's better to get out vs try to go to therapy and all that jazz-people are more likely to just say they'll change vs do it.

however, i think a growing amount of people rush into marriage before getting to know each other and later realize they are not compatible resulting in divorce. i think that is ridiculous and poor decision making on their part and they shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. i think people need to think before they act and get to know each other before making a huge commitment. getting married just bc you got pregnant- not always the best method. running off to vegas with someone you've known for a week- probably not a good long run turnout.

i guess it boils down to being just a personal choice, you either choose to marry and make it work, marry and let it dissolve, or don't marry at all.

Julie - posted on 06/17/2012

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Those who say, "Divorce is not an option" are usually bound by religious beliefs, money or fear. I personally feel like there are a few "deal breakers" in a marriage: Adultery, Abuse (includes the pedophile), Addiction. But even then, many marriages have survived those issues. My husband and I made the commitment to "try and make it work" not because we HAD to, but because we WANT to. Knowing well the reality being 50% of all marriages end up in divorce. We celebrated 13 years this month, and it just keeps getting better :)

Ann - posted on 06/16/2012

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Divorce is always an option. When there is mental, physical, or emotional abuse in the marriage and the spouse refuses to get help and doesn't want to be married anymore, what other choice is there? At first, I did not want the divorce. I did everything I could to make it work- counseling, praying, giving him time and space, inflating his ego, etc. In the end, I realize that I am in a much healthier, happier place. I feel so sorry for his new girlfriend. I hope he treats her differently or that she realizes what she is in for and ends the relationship before she gets in too deep. The first several years of our marriage were wonderful and we were very happy, but things changed. I took my vows seriously and believed until death do us part, but he did not.

Stifler's - posted on 06/13/2012

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So people should stay together unhappily and things get worse vs. move on and have a life?

[deleted account]

Plus divorce is like this thing that you fantasise about, but when it actually happens, its like this sticky yucky substance that never leaves you... thats the left over of the marriage that was severed... like a tree that releases sap when it is cut.. I believe that divorce is too freely accepted... only in the last 40 years was it given out so freely in courts.. some say "women were abused before then and they just put up with abuse and adultery.." How is that a fair statement? Did they do statistics on poor Vs great marriages from 40 years ago? does anyone know where those stats are? If so, would be an interesting read... I am not closed to information at all, I just don't like decisions are being made world-wide to divorce and remarry without ALL the facts being presented to people before hand. Divorce is a practice that devastates so many - mainly innocent children, who usually want both mum and dad together (unless there is habitual physical abuse - that will most likely require separation). Let not our decisions be based on 'hear-say' or 'assumption' or even for 'personal freedom' but be based on what is good for others, not just ourselves.. this is a quality that has been lost in our society, due to rampant selfish thinking that is endorsed and approved...

[deleted account]

For better or for worse.. God takes vows seriously.. sometimes seperation is required... but divorce? I think divorce these days is about us "asserting" our rights.. but the first marriage we entered into, was not about rights.. but about serving.. and that is what is so difficult about marriage when its not "we're best friends everyday"... we are serving someone who takes us for granted... who'd want that? I believe marriage is a God given thing, that's why we need Him to even do it.. we've also got stop comparing ourselves with other marriages... unless you were a spy in someones home, how do you REALLY know whats going on with their marriages?

Teresa - posted on 06/01/2012

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If everyone divorced just because they were unhappy then the divorce rate would be even higher. You don't divorce because you are unhappy, find out why you are unhappy and then remembe that YOU decide to be happy or not. For better or for worse should be explained better to future newlyweds because the "for worse" will probably mean you are unhappy. Kids don't so well in divorced families. Even if you have to pretend, at least get along in front of he kids, and fight for your marriage otherwise. Getting sivorced is way too easy now. Unless you or your kids are being abused then get some counseling and WORK at your marriage. You don't put two highly independant individuals together and expect them to live together peacefully.Everybody tells me how friendly and nice my husband is and I telll them, "try being married to him." I didn't marry an ass. BUt I sure ended up with one.

Happy - posted on 05/30/2012

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Every woman has to decide what is or is not an option for them. For those women who say that divorce is not an option then that is their free choice. Why not just let them have it?

Stifler's - posted on 05/29/2012

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I agree, being in denial of abuse when they're "not allowed" to do this and that and are being disrespected over money issues and WHERES MY DINNER every day baffles me too.

Kaye - posted on 05/29/2012

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I completely understand what you are saying and I know that there are some very serious, dangerous situations taking place in homes all over this world between husbands and wives. And I realize my scope is very limited to my household and the lives of those in my life........but I love and trust the Lord and what his word says. I am by no means perfect and I fall short everyday.......but if something serious was taking place in my house against me or my child, I would not stay. I can't say that I would rush immediately to make a decision to divorce.......but I also can't say for sure that it wouldn't ultimately lead to that. There are a lot of missing pieces and factors in this what-if story. But I know God has the power to heal and redeem all things. And in certain situations one spouse might need to leave for awhile in order to gain clarity hopefully and seek God. But if we are talking about an
"oh he doesn't appreciate me, or she doesn't see how hard I work!"......I think simply quiting is taking the easy way out. I wonder what people think for better or for worse really means. I mean they put that in the vows for a reason..........I would think because marriage can get pretty messy and ugly sometimes. I'm not saying its not difficult.........it's been the most difficult at times. But when I look back at where I was compared to where I am now.........makes me so thankful. My only regret is that I wasted so much time being stubborn and prideful , and selfish feeling like my husband owed me something. I had a terrible attitude and I refuse to be a slave to that anymore

Teresa - posted on 05/25/2012

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I have come to the realization that God will not let me win the lottery because the first thing I would do is LEAVE! Pedophilia or any other abuse and I'd be gone, but just because I'm not happy? Not a good reason.

Happiness comes from the person wishing to be happy and that's not what alot of people think. You choos eto be happy. Now is you are in an abusive relationship or your kids are being abused then can see leaving but not just because you're unhappy.

Marriage is meant to be a learning experience about yourself, because no one will be as honest about you as your spouse. No one sees you at your worst like a spouse. Marriage is about learning how to live with a , separate human being and learning how to get along. Even when that person is not what you expected. ANd no one brings out the worst or best of you as a spouse does.

Divorce is an option, but so is personal growth, and that is what marriage really is. Did you really expect to live with another adult human being 24/7 and not show and see the worst side of yourself or that other person?

Dove - posted on 05/24/2012

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I used to have that same opinion. Then I realized it was a much safer/better option than murder for some people. lol

Katherine - posted on 05/22/2012

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I would definitely leave under those circumstances. Pedophile of abuse. Sorry but I would not put up with that BS.

Teresa - posted on 05/22/2012

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Divorxe should not be the first option, in most failing marriages, but something like abuse? I would not only divirce but make sure he never saw our kids again! That is my straw.

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