Got a tough decision to make ((need some advice))

Danielle - posted on 12/23/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My husband has been out of town for a mnth for work, he comes home today but has to go back after the holidays. His job here at home contracted him out to a factory in Wisconsin (800 miles away)
While he's been there, they have been trying to get him to come work there permanently. They've offered him twice the amount that he makes now and wonderful benefits and at the same time we found out that where he works now is going out of business very soon and he'll be unemployed. As of now the option of my children and I going with him is non existent. My kids are settled here, they have friends and family that are a big part of their life. I moved alot as a child and I remember how hard it was to start over in a new place. My son is in school and I refuse to pull him out in the middle of the year. We just moved into our home last April and we love it here. My question is do you think that a marriage can work with the husband living part time in another state?

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Short term, yes. Long term, no.

I know it can and does work for some people (military spouse, anyone?), but it wouldn't work for me.

Carolee - posted on 12/23/2011

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I think it can... for a little bit. I do think it's a bit unfair to (at least seemingly) make him choose between being able to support his family, but risk losing them and possibly not being able to support his family, and not risk losing them. Especially with how difficult it is for most people to find good jobs right now.

Both possibilities suck, and it will be a hard choice to make. Maybe you could make a huge list of pro's and con's for every possible option with your husband (can be done over Skype or email or phone) and decide then. Good luck with whatever you choose.

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Amy - posted on 12/23/2011

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My father did this while I was growing up and as a child in who was well established and had friends I would of much rather have moved to have both my parents. My parents ended up separating because my mom esentially was a single parent making all the decisions and having to do everything for us. My father came home every other weekend and as a child that had to say goodbye every other Sunday it was the worst thing! Good luck with your decision but I think you should reconsider the not moving to be with him.

Michelle - posted on 12/23/2011

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It sounds like that's what you have to do. Jobs are not always easy to find. But that being said, what you're talking about doing is hard. My husband is gone between 1and 2 weeks every month. We've been living with it being that way for going on 6 years. He missed 3 or 4 weeks out of the first 6 weeks of my oldests life (and I was recovering from a c section). We have 3 kids now and it's still really hard sometimes. Our marriage has never suffered over it, but I thinks there are times when our family did. It still breaks my heart when the two older ones cry when daddy's gone. He's missed a lot in our children's lives. It's not all bad either. You figure out how to juggle the added daily responsibilities and your husband is supporting your family. It's survivable for sure, just be sure you know what you're getting yourself into. I also would weigh whether the turmoil of moving for 2 years is better or worse then the emotional upheaval of having daddy gone. Not saying that it is or isn't , just that it's something to consider too.

Kimberly - posted on 12/23/2011

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Yes I believe your marriage will work if he works away but just remember that you still have to work at it. My husband works away alot and yes it is hard but it also provides a great life for us. A few things to remember when he is away, 1 dont start fights over stuff because this makes it very hard on everyone 2 there is skype and webcams now that he can see you and the kids with.
If he's going to be able to come home every few weeks you will get used to it and it not forever. You'll get into a routine for when he is away and for when he is home. And make sure you guys talk openly about any worries and troubles your having so it doesnt build up. Good luck with it all and Merry Christmas

Christy - posted on 12/23/2011

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That's a tough one. However if it's only a year or 2 I say go for it. And if he is going to make good money, you can always come back to visit friends and family throughout the year, right? I know it will be hard on your kids but it would be a good learning experience in terms of change. Good luck.

Carolee - posted on 12/23/2011

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Okay. So you have made up your minds. I must have misread what type of responses you wanted. Sorry.

Danielle - posted on 12/23/2011

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Well he said that the postition he would take would be supervisor over the floor and then the next promotion would make it possible to live anywhere in the world and do his job. It takes 1-2 yrs so it would be short term.
Carolee~ Don't get me wrong I'm in no way going to make him choose between a good job and his family. We love each other very much and there's no chance that I would leave him for choosing to support his family. He's talked to the company and they have no problem flying him home every 2-3 weeks to spend time with his family and we would spend the summer there with him. I just don't know what to expect with us being apart. I just want some oppinions and to see if anyone else has had to do this. =)

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