If your significant other were to have an affair....

Lissa - posted on 06/29/2011 ( 39 moms have responded )

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This conversation came up with some of my friends and all were surprised by my response. If my husband cheated on me, I'm talking a one time deal I don't think I would just walk away. Of course this hasn't happened so I don't know shit about it but I think i would try and look at our marraige to figure out where it went wrong and attempt to sort out the problems.

What would you do/ What have you done and lastly do you think that a one night stand or a full blown emotional affair is worse or they are just the same in your book?

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Emma - posted on 08/08/2011

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I could never continue to be in a relationship with someone who had so little respect for me they couldn't even tell me they where unhappy, and had so little regard as to what his actions would to his family.
I could never trust or respect someone again who was so weak and selfish.
Man up face your problems and choose to try fix them or walk away. Sticking your dick is some other woman fixes nothing.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/30/2011

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I cannot handle the thought of him cheating. i am a jealous type, and I would never let it go. The only 2 reasons I would leave my husband, if he cheated, or abused me. I don't care if it is a one time deal. It would reacur so frequently in my head, that his one time deal would turn into an everyday panic for me.

Jenni - posted on 06/30/2011

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Well I definitely think an emotion affair would do far more damage than a one night stand.

For one it's more methodical. More emotions involved. More deviousness.

A one night stand could have just been a moment of bad lapse in judgement. An emotional affair is so much more hurtful.

If we didn't have kids both situations I'd up in leave without much thought in the other direction. I think since we do have kids, I would at least make an effort to try to repair our relationship. Couples councelling and the whole deal. Although, I'm pretty resentful, bitter and hold grudges so I don't have much hope for me to get over it and rebuild our relationship. I couldn't just throw in the towel off the bat though, for our children's sake.

I'm not sure if he'd be able to regain my trust after that. And with no trust, there is no love.

Danielle - posted on 08/08/2011

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I think that an emotional affair is alot worste than a one night stand. A couple of yrs ago my husband and I seperated. He just left out of the blue, he said I wasn't the wife he wanted. It got really ugly. I asked him constantly if it was someone else and he always said no, how do you just throw 6 yrs away? It made no sense to me. 6mnths later we decided to work it out and got back together, he asked me to go into his email account one day and clean it out so I'm going through his email and find an email from some girl that lived in a totally diff country but they were telling each other that they loved each other and talking about my children. It was dated back to March of that yr...we seperated in August. I was livid, I asked him about it and of course he denied that it happened so I show him the email (he had forgotten to delete it and by the time he asked me to clean out his inbox had forgotten about it.) He had no choice but to admit it. He says it wasn't cheating...I see it differently. It took me two yrs to get over it, he had to prove to me that I was it and he did. At times I just wanted to leave b/c I hated him but I made vows for better or for worste and I loved him. She wrote him after we had gotten back together...I wrote back from his account and cussed her out and changed the password to something I only know and she's never wrote back. It took a long time but we finally worked through it.

[deleted account]

I fully believe my ex was having an emotional affair with the girl he is now seeing before he left me.
If i could have proven it was happening then he would have been out on his arse but i couldn't and the only reason i really feel sure that it was happening is because he is now with that girl.
Gah i need outta this stupid town and all it's bullshit!

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39 Comments

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Janet - posted on 02/17/2012

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Look Ladies..if a Man professes his love to you and you find out he is out there with other women, especially while you are home caring for HIS offspring...NOT WORKING. Don't make a big mistake. Once a cheater always a cheater. Men are so different from women, they can cheat with another woman come home, take a shower and crawl into bed with you and not care. WE are different. A cheating husband or lover KILLS a relationship. We can't live with that! If we do it takes away our self esteem and takes us out of ourselves...destroys who we are ...makes the feeling of who we are disappear.

If you are in a relationship with a man you can't trust you need to be strong enough to say I care about ME AND I want something better for me for the rest of my life and .move in the direction you need to go...Life is way too short to be unhappy, but YOU NEED TO REALIZE YOU WILL BE ALONE WITH YOU. And sometimes YOU are your own best friend!

Janet - posted on 02/17/2012

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My Partner came for a visit and there was a message on his phone from another woman saying how much she loved him with xxxooo Always and Forever. He always signed off to me that way so when I saw that YES he went home in the middle of the night. Always check the cell phone. Don't think you can't. If a man says he loves you, you have a right to check out his calls.

Stifler's - posted on 07/04/2011

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I would be extremely upset if it was sex and especially if he liked the other person. I have an ego.

[deleted account]

Well.... I would've stayed, but he left.

NOW.... I can't ever have another SO cuz I can't afford a hitman. ;)

Tamara - posted on 07/04/2011

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LOL you can always bitch to me I wont get upset or try to fix it just listen :D

Shannintipton - posted on 07/04/2011

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Thank you. I will be fine except for the occasional bitch fest. We have been threw a lot over that last 27 years. I am not quite threw with him yet. LOL

Oh and CHI-CHING lol

Tamara - posted on 07/04/2011

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I think it depends on whats going on at home at the time. I personally am not very sexual so if it was just sex I don't think it would bother me near as much as if it was a real relationship.

With that said I DH don't really have time to have one.

Stifler's - posted on 07/04/2011

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Depends who it was with. Actually no it doesn't, it would be over. No one has an affair on me.

Shannintipton - posted on 06/30/2011

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I am not going to think about it now. I am just going to post to my hearts content. I will think about it later after the kids are asleep. So off I go to see if I can cause some trouble. J/K about the trouble part. Thanks for listening ....again. :)

Shannintipton - posted on 06/30/2011

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You know what is funny. I can barely see the computer screen because my eyes are all watery. Lol :(

Lissa - posted on 06/30/2011

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What does he want you to say "Of course dear I am really pleased you are asking for permission". Well I think you need to decide how you feel about this, counselling, yes that's fine I'll do it too, fuck off wanker I'm divorcing you and taking everything you've got.

Shannintipton - posted on 06/30/2011

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Wow, just this very minute hubby told me he wants to date other younger women. I don't know what to say.

Shannintipton - posted on 06/30/2011

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I had/have a brain injury. Didn't turn me into a pedo. If anything it turned me into a "touch me and die" person. Poor hubby.

[deleted account]

I'm serious! In the episode, this woman who was a pillar of the community started molesting 14yo boys!



Just another damn thing to worry about in this life.... a brain tumor that turns you into a pedo.

[deleted account]

I've been married for over 12 years, and cheating would be so out of character for my husband that I would think he had that brain tumor-thingy that turns you into a sex maniac with no impulse control.

(What is that called? I saw it on Law & Order: SVU.)

Firebird - posted on 06/30/2011

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Well, the last time a guy cheated on me... actually the only time.... I took a baseball bat to him. Granted, that was 10 years ago, so I doubt I'd react so violently if it were to happen again, but I wouldn't stand for it, I'd be gone.

Shannintipton - posted on 06/30/2011

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Holy crap, I didn't even think about THAT. Maybe that is how I got pregnant. Not thinking about that. Difinete oops baby.

Julie - posted on 06/30/2011

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Sounds like they had been watching Pretty Woman, Shannin.
I know someone who had a one night stand and got her pregnant. His wife forgave him and they've had another kid since. He isn't allowed to see the baby from the other woman. I kind of feel sorry for that child, they didn't ask for that, but I'm not sure I could be as strong as his wife and forgive him. I'm with Marina, abuse me or cheat on me and I'm out the door.

Shannintipton - posted on 06/30/2011

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One lady told me that if he slept with someone that was one thing, if they kissed during sex it was another. Interesting.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/30/2011

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It is not like his dick would just be hanging out hard one day, and some chicks pussy fell onto him. It would be a passionate moment of complete and utter betrayal.

Constance - posted on 06/30/2011

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Oh yeah when we were younger we both had affairs but now hell no. He can fuck off and I am jealous tyrpe person. I have certain things that we both agree on but I would never put up with his shit anymore. All I know is when I call he damn well better answer or call me right back. He better not even have a sip of achohol if I am not with him. That is grounds for perment divorce.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 06/30/2011

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Nikki, we should get together and discuss which weapons we'd use........... lol

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 06/30/2011

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Leave period. I couldn't go through the denail anger bargaining anger denial bargaining acceptance crap because I would never accept, I'd always wonder. I'd get really jealous and shit, is your relationship THAT great that you couldn't find a replacement? Call me cold hearted on this one but there's millions out there and I just don't believe in the 1 soul mate crap. I think we can and do have multipule loves in our life time and so I'd be like 'Guess I'm onto my next!' I usually pick guys that I have to deal with enough anyway, so cheating would be my limit haha
Not helping with dishes, laundry, arguing........... cheating?! F off

Constance - posted on 06/30/2011

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@Jennifer That is actually what I said in another thread. If my husband has a one night stand it is a lapse in judgement but if he is taking the time to go out to dinner listening to everything and caring about what she has to say then it is emotions involved and I will not compete with another woman ever.

Men have to be in the room. Women have to be in the mood. If is has time to spend talking to her and expressing how he feels about her then he is interested in more than just sex.

[deleted account]

I'm actually with you, Lissa. Granted, I've never been cheated on, so I can't speak with authority, but I think if it were a one time thing, I'd give him one more chance.....granted, he'd have his butt in marriage counseling a lot more than the standard twice a year bit.



My husband & I have a very strong and trusting relationship, and we've been married for 8 years, together for more than 10 years. I cannot imagine him cheating, so if he did, I would take it more as a sign that something was amiss in our marriage than a sign that he is a scumbag. Of course, if it was a new relationship, I probably wouldn't give him he second chance.

Constance - posted on 06/29/2011

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I have been wit my husband for yeas and a lot oit we live 6 hours away from each other. We were young and we both have been unfaithful. Now It has been many yeas since that has happened and we have grown up a lot. I have not been quiet about our problems but it s somthing that we are working on.
But if he were to cheat now or me then it would be over because it proves that we are not going to be able to work bck to where we use to be. It won't completely be the same,but kmowing that we live in two different staes at this time and we arestill faithfull it is worth the fight.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 06/29/2011

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depends, BUT maybe just maybe I would...cant say for sure if i would walk away...he would have a hell of a lot of work to do after

Amber - posted on 06/29/2011

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I've been cheated on before, and I did not stick around. Trust and respect are two of the most important things that you can have in a relationship, IMO. When my ex-fiance and my ex-boyfriend cheated, I lost all respect and trust. I personally cannot have a relationship without being able to trust somebody. If I can't trust them, then I don't respect them either. If they're cheating on me, then I don't believe that they respect me either.

I don't believe "once a cheater always a cheater". People can change. I just won't be the one that sticks around to find out if they are one of those people or not.

My ex couldn't believe that I would leave him for cheating on me. He kept saying, "I know you love me." I said, "Yep, I do love you. But I love myself more."
That's what it came down to in the end to me. I didn't feel as if I could look myself in the mirror every morning and still love myself if I stayed. Turns out...cheating on me was the best gift he could have ever given me :) I'm much happier now.

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