Oh my..

September - posted on 12/14/2011 ( 14 moms have responded )

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My sister sent me this email this morning. Pretty funny!

As we progress through to the end of 2011, I want to thank you for
your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now
and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel,
nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying
about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving
because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only
imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the
floor of a public toilet.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS for the email about rat poo in the
glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every
envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same
reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a
bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy petrol without taking someone along to watch the
car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven
different types of cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the
microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for
life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a
needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with
a perfume sample and rob me.

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial
a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica ,
Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big
black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death
when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up a 25 cent coin
dropped in the parking lot because it was probably placed there by a sex
molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the
Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m.
tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex
mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician . .

Oh, and by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has
discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails
with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was
told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY… ;-)

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

September - posted on 12/15/2011

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Oh I've heard it all before but I'm not going to waste my time worrying about it, that's all.

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14 Comments

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√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 12/15/2011

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I've had almost all of this crap on this list run across my head. Expecially when the 'poop flies 6 feet away form the toilet so your toothbrush should be covered due to it having poop particles on it' research......... but my family is big on following all of that so yay, I've heard it all and more.......... ugh lol

September - posted on 12/15/2011

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I know I hear you Medic. I mean somethings I'm picky about but to be honest I don't worry about anything on that list.

September - posted on 12/15/2011

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Oh it's all good! :) I just wanted to share cause I thought it was funny. Can you believe some people really worry about these kinds of things? I hope you ladies are doing well :)

Medic - posted on 12/14/2011

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haha are they still up....oops we kinds hijacked septembers post....SORRY September

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 12/14/2011

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I'll keep your goodnight for later when I actually get to sleep when the kids do? haha

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 12/14/2011

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GASP!!!!!! I was. Snuck back on while smoking -lurks- ;)

Medic - posted on 12/14/2011

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I thought you were going to bed Niki!!!! I said goodnight for nothing

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 12/14/2011

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Why would I move my hand? LOL



Is this the part where I leave my hand on there forever or try to sneak it off? >.>

Jayce - posted on 12/14/2011

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Oh shit...I sat there reading with my hand on the mouse. I'm screwed....

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 12/14/2011

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LMAO that's so true...... it's a great era to live in. Huh?!

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