Out of Control Spanking Threads

Chatty - posted on 07/04/2011

Ya, a lot of people think that time-outs are the opposite of spanking and if you ask most people who practice positive discipline, they'll tell you that timeouts are no more effective than spanking. We don't do time outs here....not as punishment. Sometimes if Roxanne needs to cool down, she'll opt to do it in her room, but I certainly don't banish her to her room.

Jenni - posted on 07/04/2011

Blech. I'm honestly not a fan at all of timeouts when used as punishment. And like Tah said, timeouts are the same as spanking if you use them for every infraction. They become ineffective. Also, true enough... they can become abusive.



In the beginning of using them I did continuely drag my son kicking and screaming to timeout as well as kept forcifully bring him back when he left timeout. It frustrated me and him to no end. I am going to try the time-in approach with my daughter. I still think timeouts are important for teaching a child how to cope with runaway emotions. But something tells me this time around it will be WAY easier. My son is very challenging and willful so i've made my share of mistakes along the way in his discipline.



I was clueless on how to 'control' his behaviour and the more I tried to force and control it, the worse his behaviour got. So I had to find creative ways to allow him to feel in control and passively channel him towards positive behaviours. Teach him that positive behaviours reap positive results and negative behaviours have negative consequences. I've found with him, I have 100x more success in being his referee and mediator than his boss and authority figure. Earning his trust rather than forcing his obedience.



Of course, there are times when I have to be the authority figure. But I reserve my Boss-like attitude for serious offences like issues of safety and respect. That way when I use my "I'm serious" voice it isn't overused and ineffective. My kids ears perk up and they stop dead in their tracks.



My son has really made me work for it though! He's definitely broke me in as a parent. But it's so awesome to see our children making positive choices for themselves and learning how to cope with strong emotions maturely.



Sorry, it's 8am and I'm numb because we stayed up late last night to let off fireworks and I'm only on my first cup of coffee.... so I'm rambling and taking this convo in a different direction. :P

Tah - posted on 07/04/2011

@Jennifer..timeouts work better than spanking in your opinion and with your kids...people have different parenting styles and different children with different temperaments so I won't say spanking works for all the same way no one can say timeouts work for all. Now, should she spank for every infraction..absolutely not, the same way a child shouldn't be sent to the corner for everyone and left there forever, or be dragged to the corner kicking and screaming and have their nose forced to wall and left there for over 20 minutes, which I have also seen. Now THAT made me sad and uncomfortable..more so then a swat to the bum would have...or having your children, say anything, climb all over people and things, snatch, fall out..etc without any discipline..spanking or timeouts..but that's a lack of overall parenting...

Liz - posted on 07/03/2011

Her kid sat next to me at the table and wanted a bite of my food, so I gave it to her, and she spanked her.

I wonder what kind of message that sends. "Nice lady gives me bite, Mommy spanks me."

God, it makes me sad.

Jennifer - posted on 07/03/2011

Chatty- honestly, it makes me really uncomfortable.. I don't watch I just turn my head. It's really pathetic how much she does it though, its not like she does it when she actually is endangering someone or herself. She does it ANYTIME her daughter does ANTYHING she isn't supposed to be doing. It just makes me sick. Time outs work a lot better than spanking!

Stifler's - posted on 07/03/2011

It annoys me when someone's kid is mean to my kid or whatever and their parents put on a show of spanking them. I don't care, seriously... kids are kids.

Chatty - posted on 07/03/2011

Jennifer, can I ask how it made/makes you feel when you see your friend "spank" her kid?

It makes me so uncomfortable and sad.

Jennifer - posted on 07/03/2011

I'm going to be straight up honest. I barely barely ever "spank" my child. The ONLY time I do is if it is 100% necessary, meaning put his life in danger: for ex, taking his seat belt off in the car, or running in the street and not listening to me, which neither of these happened more than twice. And by spank, I mean a tiny slap, nothing but to hurt his feelings not actually hurt him. And I can honestly say my kid is one of the BEST behaved 2 1/2 year old ever. I don't believe in spanking, bc it teaches to hit. One of my close friends spanks her kid for EVERYTHING, and I mean it. Her kid sat next to me at the table and wanted a bite of my food, so I gave it to her, and she spanked her. I MEAN ANYTHING. And she is the worst behaved, biter, slapper, hitter, kicker, etc child I've ever seen. So in my personal experience, spanking doesn't work. Instead, talking calmly and telling them why it's wrong and praising them every time they do good, works pretty damn good :)

Tah - posted on 07/03/2011

I guess we are all doomed..at least karate will help my kids with bubba......

Jenni - posted on 07/03/2011

That one comes from both sides. If you spank your children are going to grow up to be violent criminals. If you don't spank your children are going to grow to be violent criminals. No matter how we parents choose to discipline we are doomed to raise the next Charlie Manson.

Chatty - posted on 07/03/2011

Phew *wipes sweat from brow* .....thank God I've never said that before. ;) Seriously, who actually thinks that? Certainly not me.

Tah - posted on 07/03/2011

People get just as riled when they are told their children will become violent convicts because they do.

Amber - posted on 07/03/2011

I only get pissed in spanking debates when people start attacking. I don't see spanking as inherently wrong, I just don't think it's always necessary.

The people I know are about 50/50 for or against it in real life. It's never even been a conversation between us.

I just get fired up when people say that my kid is going to end up in jail or an unproductive member of society because I didn't spank him.

Chatty - posted on 07/03/2011

Meh, the only place I get heated about spanking debates is IN a spanking debate. I don't even bother with the ones in other communities, unless it's to post a link to my community.

I think when they're done in a debate forum, all bets are off and it's my job to sell my side as RIGHT. That's what a debate is all about.

I'm extremely supportive and encouraging in other communities.

Jenni - posted on 07/03/2011

That's exactly why I'm staying away from spanking debates for AWHILE! lol I think I've learned my lesson and if I see one more I'm going to puke. The same thing happened when I got my fill of vaccinations debates, gay marriage and all the other ones I've listed.

Other than to promote PBS, of course. ;)

Tah - posted on 07/03/2011

So frequently us stating our side becomes our side is right and yours isn't...it may be a humans rights issue to you, and not to others. Even in this post someone said that spanking is wrong..as if that's a fact..but it's a view. If you go on a thread and say things like that, it's going to offend parents who love their children just as much and use that as a form of discipline. If you go on a thread about bf and bottle-feeding and say moms who bottle fed don't bond with their children or if you switched then you didn't try hard enough and on and on..it becomes a judgement that is bound to ruffle a few feathers and cause someone to become defensive. We state our opinions and there is usually some judgement in it, let's be real. The same way that's what that thread was about, I have seen threads started against spanking where it was statement and the same for other parenting techniques. She was probably in some spanking debate somewhere and saw the same thing we all see in them, or felt attacked by it so she started that one..which i havent seen, but am sure was a trainwreck as they often are. We have all done it. Gotten into a heated debate and then started a thread on it elsewhere. She is no different.whoever she is..lol. It is certainly up for discussion, but too soon people become heated and then the claws come out..full on talons actually..lol

Jenni - posted on 07/03/2011

I wouldn't say that's entirely true Tah. I can't speak for everyone else, only myself. But I usually only get my knickers in knots on here over what I believe are human rights issues. I couldn't give a rats ass if a parent choses to bottlefeed or booby feed, chooses to feed solids at 3 months or 8 months, gives her 6 month old juice, SAH or works or any other parenting choice. I don't think my opinion is any better than anyone else's. But I don't think there's anything wrong with stating my opinion on topics that to me are issues of human rights, those are just topics I happen to feel passionately about. Like gay marriage, religion when it infringes on other's rights, abortion, vaccinations when it affects others, circumcision, spanking etc. Some people will be on the opposing side of me in those arguments and of course I accept that and take into consideration their opinion on it.



I don't hunt down parents on here who are looking for advice on discipline to preach to them about how I believe spanking is wrong and blah blah blah. I don't even address the fact that they're spanking. I just offer advice that doesn't involve spanking.



But yeah, it's pretty clear I don't agree with spanking. But I keep in mind there is a time and a place to air those views and I always try to be respectful of the other side's opinion. I always try to understand where they are coming from on the topic and although their views may not be the same as mine. I'm not about to start yelling "YOU'RE WRONG!" however strongly I feel on the topic. Because in the end, it is just my opinion. They are just coming from a different place than me.



The thread we were talking about here wasn't a parent looking for advice, it was a woman presenting her side of the argument, for spanking. I think topics like that are open for discussion and challenging opinions.



I'm not going to claim I've *never* gotten carried away on a topic I feel passionately about. I am human, but I regret when I do and try to learn from that mistake. Besides nobody listens to someone who's on their high horse with their opinion. Or who's bashing their opinion.

Tah - posted on 07/03/2011

I think the blame lies on both sides..those who don't spank telling moms that their actions are wrong and thinking that spanking is the only method that needs to be repeated when obviously any and all methods have to be done more than once. Then asking why people don't spank random strangers when you aren't raising random strangers and aren't responsible for them and their actions, you don't put random strangers in time out or take away their favorite toys either......

Then moms who spank thinking that those who don't have the only disrespectful children in the world. If everybody just minded their own yards and stopped looking for reasons to feel so superior or to tell other moms they suck and I don't and I have all the answers that would make for way less moms fussing and having threads like that one attacking and making moms feel like they have to justify their actions. Whatever happened to support without judgement....sheesh...okay..carry on...

Chatty - posted on 07/02/2011

That's the problem....some people would! ;)

Tamara - posted on 07/02/2011

I wonder if she would walk up to her neighbor who did something she didn't approve of and spank him?

Kellie - posted on 07/02/2011

Hahaha LOL Liz!

Yeah Cathy ruined the fun boo! Hehe

Liz - posted on 07/02/2011

Damn, it's locked. I was going to post:

Why do you keep beating this dead horse? Are you mistaking it for one of your children?

Liz - posted on 07/02/2011

She started another thread??



It's like she's trying to spank my mind.

Amber - posted on 07/01/2011

I'm attempting to stay away from any new debates on spanking for at least a day or two..because here's my advise after that thread:

"The next time you fuck up and do something stupid, punch yourself in the face. You'll learn a lesson from it and never do ANYTHING stupid ever again. Commence with the punching ladies."

Jenni - posted on 07/01/2011

She also came to my thread on Appropriate age to Spank and wrote this:
8
0
Lucy Brownlee - posted 2 hours ago

Interesting Jennifer, why do you want to know?

I wonder why you are asking this when you are so dead set against spanking as you spoke of in the other thread.

And some 'random' marked all our threads as 'funny' on the first page of the wtcom thread...
It all started with a thread on spanking a 13 month old.
So I'm thinking... umm big time troll.

Kellie - posted on 07/01/2011

I agree Katherine, it's my gut feeling that that's the case.

Jenni - posted on 07/01/2011

I thought it seemed pretty fishy. I know exactly where this all started too. And it would make sense to create "Lucy" to start a revenge plot on the posters from the previous thread. I sort of thought that all along.

Katherine - posted on 07/01/2011

Hmmm, I am thinking this Lucy is all 4.

Kellie - posted on 07/01/2011

I am unsure Katherine, purely speculating. Go through the spanking thread and look at Sara, jamila and delorady's posts, then click on their names all 3 only have a handful of posts in their history.

Jenni - posted on 07/01/2011

We think "Sara" who joined the debate on wtcom was using multiple accounts to say she agreed with Lucy and Sara. It started happening when "Sara" joined in the debate.

Katherine - posted on 07/01/2011

Sara? Someone has a fake profile(s)? Who is this?

Jenni - posted on 07/01/2011

*Grabs some popcorn*
Round 2 ladies.
I'm gonna sit this one out for now and see where it goes.

Kellie - posted on 07/01/2011

Ahh FS she's started her own Spank or not Spank thread. I think we need to issue a do not feed the troll warning loooool!

Kellie - posted on 07/01/2011

Ohhh aren't you lucky!

Jenni - posted on 07/01/2011

The OP has now followed me onto one of my debate topics. I think she has a crush on me. :o

Kellie - posted on 07/01/2011

Yep, more than one. I'm thinking Sara, Jamila and Delorady were the same person. All were probably the original poster.

Jenni - posted on 07/01/2011

Yeah that's what I thought too Kellie. There were far too many posts from people with different names saying:
I agree 100%
I agree with you (OP's name)
I totally agree with you (OP's name)
I agree with (poster).
I agree with (same poster).

Kellie - posted on 07/01/2011

Lol, I think a couple were trolls, I.e. Sara faking new accounts. That delorady only had like a 5 post history.

Liz - posted on 07/01/2011

The thread from hell has been locked!

I'm so glad because I thought I would have to poke my eyes out.

Nikki - posted on 07/01/2011

Thanks for the link, I did see that one the other day just didn't realise that was the one you were talking about :) Nutter!

Jenni - posted on 07/01/2011

Deuteronomy 21:18-21



“If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.”

--eep!



Watching their older brother stoned to death is a great deterrent for bad behaviour! Yah!

I believe if more parents practiced this method of discipline our society wouldn't be suffering from those unruly, rebellious, disrespectful teens.

Kellie - posted on 07/01/2011

I KNOW! She can't be serious.......Surely........

Liz - posted on 07/01/2011

What about the woman who's spanking her kid for trying to drink water?

SIGH

Kellie - posted on 07/01/2011

http://www.circleofmoms.com/welcome-to-c...

It's bad Nikki be warned. TOTAL train wreck!

Nikki - posted on 07/01/2011

You can say that Liz, go for it, let it all out! Can I have a link to this thread?

Kellie - posted on 07/01/2011

Gotta love them. How's the hard core Extreme Christian Chick. God tells me to hit my child. OMG. And that Proverb or whatever about beating wait I'll open another browser so I can quote it properly:

"20:30 Blows and wounds cleanse away evil, and beatings purge the inmost being."

This one disturbs me greatly. The potential for extreme christian chick (and those like her) to justify beating a child.......

And oh hell i'm going to stop now.

Liz - posted on 07/01/2011

Man, that thread is making me die a little on the inside everyday.



Is this forum totally private now? If so, can I just say:



What a bunch of fucking authoritarian fascist assholes.

Chatty - posted on 06/30/2011

Hmmmmm!

Jenni - posted on 06/30/2011

Ugh. I think the woman she was trying to teach us a lesson about 'picking on' has entered the thread. Just when I thought the thread was dying out. Can't look away, it's like a bloody car accident.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/30/2011

Looks like a good one that I missed.