So hate the 4th of July

Tamara - posted on 07/05/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I really hate the 4th of July really really hate the fireworks.

17 years ago my asshat ex got married on the 4th, our thing was to go and set off fireworks with the boys and his little sister while we watched the fireworks from the race track. Well we divorced 3 months later (we were together for a total of 2 years) because I found out he beat my son, he was 2 at the time, gave him a kidney blow now he has minor kidney issues. We haven't seen or spoke to him in 6.5 years.

So all the rest of the year I don't even think about him unless one of the boys want to talk about him or what he did to them. But on the 4th right before the fireworks all the anger just creeps up and I just want to kill him. then it takes a few days to let it go and that part of life gets back to normal. Hopefully venting and bitching about it will help get there sooner :)

Alin has worked through everything and is now officially a survivor Jeffery well he has his days when he is a survivor and days when he uses what happens to him as an excuse to cause problems, so we are working on that together.

This year I missed the fireworks since I had to take Jeff to the ER so its not near as bad as it usually is. Still a little anger toward him for violating my babies just not as much.

Anywhos thanks for listening I hope in the morning all is well with my anger and I can set him back in the trash where he belongs.

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Julie - posted on 07/05/2011

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you need to let it go so you can move on. i am british so the 4th means nothing to me really its an american holiday of when you kicked us out i think if my history serves me right LOL. anyway the point is the 4th is just another date on the calendar just another day. you and your boys have moved on and are still living proof that bullies do not prosper in the long run. go to a fair or something with the boys have a nice time eat sugar till your sick and watch the fireworks with the eyes of other people and see them for what they are bright colours swirling round the sky that look pretty. dont let anger consume you any time of the year. keep mentla notes of good anniversaries and try to let the bad times stay in the past where they belong.

Tamara - posted on 07/06/2011

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Good Ideas, I am feeling better and more and more positive :)

Tamara - posted on 07/05/2011

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I learned long ago that Me being upset or angry with him (well anyone for that matter) is giving him control over me, So I refuse to let anyone control me again :)

I talked to DH and my mom about it last night and today and I am back to normal. Jeffery did know about my feelings about it so today he made me lunch and said he was sorry and he will do what he can today to make it a good day so focus on it. He is a sweetie when he wants to be.

Tamara - posted on 07/05/2011

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Thanks so much Julie :) I am really not upset about it today, and You're right it is just another day Ill try to focus on that aspect and not let them pesky thoughts float in.

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√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 07/06/2011

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Tamara, I'd suggest turning it into a 'Thank heavens I got away from the asshat' day, from square 1. Think about how glad you are you didn't stay with him. Be proud he's not in their lives. Turn it into a mini private celebration where you are grateful for his non-existance versus the past harm he's done to your family. Some women don't get away. That is a cause for celebration all by its self! So when the week of the 4th comes around, I'd donate something nice to a local charity for abused women and children, and celebrate the good things you do have about the asshat situation.

Katherine - posted on 07/06/2011

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I would make it into a great day with lots of fireworks for the kids and have fun with them.
It sucks when you feel a "holiday" is ruined. Don't let him drive you're bus.
I hated it because my ex wouldn't give me any money for fireworks for the kids! We are just now going through the divorce process and he thinks he doesn't have to help me out. I had no job as of a week ago.

Julie - posted on 07/05/2011

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i've learnt from personal experience that things can start to rule our lives if we let them and if we seem upset or anxious our kids pick up on it and you dont want your boys picking up on bad vibes because kids arent as stupid as we think they will know why your upset, give them both a hug and a smile

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