Wedding etiquette or over reaction???

Amanda - posted on 02/19/2012 ( 31 moms have responded )

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Is there some sort of wedding etiquette that myself and most other people I know are unaware of??



I am going to a wedding in 2 weeks and the bride and her mother have gone off on a tangent about the dress I am planning on wearing. It's a cream lacey above the knee strapless dress with a thin tan coloured belt which I am wearing with tan strappy shoes, bag and bolero to cover my shoulders. It's going to be a very casual wedding.



Apparently it's inappropriate WTF?????



Have I missed something??

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Shawnn - posted on 02/27/2012

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No sense of humor last week, Little Miss?



I, for one, take great offense to someone dictating my choice of dress. As long as my choice of apparel is appropriate for the occasion, and venue, no one else has the right to dictate (a week before their event, with no prior notice) "appropriate apparel choices".



Now, had it been included in the invitation, that's a different story. And, were the bride wearing white, or a variation thereof, that's also a different story. However, the OP has chosen an appropriate dress for the occasion, and venue, and was originally the only one singled out by the bride for her choice. That's inappropriate.



By no means would I actually dress outrageously, but I WOULD be tempted. Actually, at that point, I'd send a small gift and express my regrets for not being able to attend.

Corinne - posted on 02/25/2012

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I really can't see the problem with the colour either, if the bride isn't even wearing any shade of white / cream? Also, is she going about vetting everyones outfit? I highly doubt it. If she didn't want people wearing a particular colour or length of dress, she should have stated it on the invite

Casey - posted on 02/20/2012

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Is she maybe a bit bigger than you? Maybe she is feeling insecure? Unless you were going to wear a veil and carry flowers - it seems appropriate to me!

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Shawnn - posted on 02/27/2012

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Ok, ladies, just found this, and since Ms. Emily Post has always been the "go to" person for etiquette questions...



http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/a-guid...



It says nothing, absolutely nothing about color of a guest's attire at a wedding. It does, however suggest appropriate length, etc, for different venues.

Amanda - posted on 02/26/2012

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Corinne that is exactly what I said too. It should have been stated on the invite that she wanted people to wear colours or whatever she thought appropriate. It has just been mine that I know off but apprently an email has been sent to all guests stating her opinion of appropriate a week out from the wedding. I think it might ruffle a few feathers.



Little miss can't be wrong, I am not trying to be difficult, to me it's just a dress and I told her that. I also told her more times than I can count that it wasn't a problem and I am happy to buy another dress (even though I feel I shouldn't have to and she has over reacted just to cause arguments and drama, posted nasty snide remarks about me and the dress on facebook and has been bitching about me about it behind my back)

The comments from people on her about dressing inappropriately to piss her off and make a point are trying to make fun of the situation, I don't think anyone would seriously do that. I certainly wouldn't I'm a bigger person than to sabotage someone's wedding with a dress.



I asked the question because I had never heard that certain colours or styles were taboo at a wedding. Not that I have been to many weddings but every one I have been to including my own, people wore white or cream and no one batted an eyelid.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/23/2012

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It is not a big deal for you to switch dresses, even pull something from your closet if it is THAT casual. If the bride feels like she might be upstaged, then do her a solid.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/23/2012

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I think you are all being ridiculously callous about TRYING to dress inappropriately at the wedding. Standard etiquette is NOT to wear white to a wedding. There would not BE a wedding for you to dress up for if they were not getting married. It is THEIR day, not the guest. Let your friend have this, if she really is your friend. Weddings are really stressful, and the littlest thing can set the bride off when it is so close to the big day. Be a good guest, and where something else. It won't kill you....but it could really piss off the bride, and it is HER and HIS day....not for guest to try to make it difficult. No matter the size of the wedding, they are forking over money,....to invite guests to share in their special day. The least you could do is bring a present, and NOT wear white or a variation of it.

Stifler's - posted on 02/23/2012

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One of my friends wore jeans to my wedding. like as in, a girl. Not classy.

Lin - posted on 02/23/2012

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I think they might have a problem with the color selection. But seriously, they should have more important things to worry about than the color of the guests' clothing.



It could always be worse for the bride - I was at one wedding where a significant chunk of the groom's family wore stained t-shirts, torn up jeans, asked to sit on the bride's side during the ceremony, and didn't show up to the reception (even though they normally dress better and they RSVPed for the reception).

Shawnn - posted on 02/22/2012

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So, wait. You're a GUEST, right? You're not in the bridal party? Then they have NO say in what you wear. Period. As long as you aren't trying to upstage the bride, your choice of apparel is yours.



I agree with your husband. Go with the hot pink, skin tight, short number, and spike your hair! LOL



Now, if they'd mentioned something in the invites, that would be different.

Amanda - posted on 02/22/2012

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Jennifer, my neighbour thinks I should go round the old peoples home and borrow a nanna cardi

Amanda - posted on 02/22/2012

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Thanks ladies, Deborah, she's not wearing white herself. It's a very casual affair with no bridal party and I am in no way anything to do with the ceremony. There was also no specific dress code mentioned apart from that it was a very casual wedding. They are having an outdoor service with a celebrant and drinks and nibblies afterwards.



Corinne, I have seen a few other dresses, I'm thinking red or bright blue or even green so I can still wear all my accessories that were bought for the other dress

Corinne - posted on 02/22/2012

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I was brought up being told that wearing all white / cream / ivory to someones wedding was a no-no. Also all black, as Deborah says above, as it's reserved for funerals etc. As you are planning on wearing it with a tan bolero etc, I can't see the problem at all, especially as you know you aren't matching the bridesmaids or the brides mother. I'd say she's one very insecure individual. So, find yourself a fucshia pink super short dress and a matching feather / flower for your hair and really show off that bod! ;)

Deborah - posted on 02/22/2012

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The only wedding etiquette regarding clothing selection I know of is that wearing all, or mostly white, and all, or mostly black, is a faux pas.



Only the bride is supposed to wear white. It's fine as an accent but not as the feature color.



Black is reserved for funerals and somber occasions, so wearing black indicates your opinion about the couple's union.



Otherwise, EFF them. Unless they are having a specified 'modest' wedding or something like that, there are no rules about what you can and cannot wear. I mean if they're striving for a religious and therefore modest wedding, a strapless dress might be too revealing and would bother the bride based on that fact.



Are you in the wedding party or anything? involved in the ceremony in any way? If you are, then I think they have a right to veto certain aspects of your outfit, but if its simply them complaining about your outfit, wear it anyway.

Jennifer - posted on 02/22/2012

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LOL, sounds like she may not be happy unless you buy a gunny sack or maybe a fat suit!



Not much you can really do. Hopefully after the wedding things will get back to normal. Real life should take hold, and she will realize that the day she thought was the most special is barely a blip!

Amanda - posted on 02/21/2012

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Emma they love drama and making something out of nothing.

I have no idea who wore what on my wedding day either, to me it's a non issue. I think they just like using me as punching bag for something to do, good job I have a sense of humour.

Stifler's - posted on 02/20/2012

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Why do they know/care what you're wearing? I didn't even notice what others were wearing on my wedding day.

Amanda - posted on 02/20/2012

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Katherine thats exactly what my hubby said, basically word for word.



Thanks Casey, she is a few dress sizes bigger than me and very insecure but even still.

Drama queen comes to mind.

Katherine - posted on 02/20/2012

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Who are THEY to say??????? Wear whatever the fuck you want! Sorry in a bad mood lol. You might just look better and take all of the attention away O_o

Amanda - posted on 02/20/2012

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Jane I think you're right, she made a comment that if I wore it another wedding I would look better than everyone there even the bride.



Her dress isn't white or cream or any shade near it, it's not traditional in anyway.



Jennifer, it's my SIL. I thought we were pretty close, but obviously not as much as I thought considering she spoke to god knows how many people, caused arguments over it and then spoke to me when all the drama had calmed down.

She has said it's just a dress and it's not a big deal if I wear it. It obviously is so I'm off to buy a new one, even though I've had it for months and no-one has mentioned anything about it before.

Jennifer - posted on 02/20/2012

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I'd have been a bit upset about the color. I was to be married in a cream colored dress (traditional for non-first time brides) We skipped the church wedding though, too much fuss for us!



Doesn't sound like you and the bride are even friends, but is this something that you could talk to her about? I know my mom and MIL are controlling and snippy, and would have lost their minds over something like this, but for me it would have been a passing thought! That is why I decided against a big wedding, though!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/20/2012

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The color I would be concerned about, nothing else. Too close to white. I was annoyed at my own wedding when I saw another women in a white dress. THAT is poor etiquette. She might just feel that the cream color is to close to white. Right now, she is under a lot of stress, and any little thing is gonna push her over the edge.

Jane - posted on 02/20/2012

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Another solution is to either be truly casual and wear jeans and a t-shirt, or to skip going altogether.



Sounds like someone is insecure about their own appearance and is worried you will outshine the bride.

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I know here in the south it is inappropriate to wear cream or white to a wedding. I don't know if it is like that everywhere, but I would never wear a cream colored dress to a wedding.



Other than the color, it sounds like a perfectly nice dress for a day wedding.

Amanda - posted on 02/20/2012

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It's really not a fancy dress, it's a very simple dress that can be dressed up a little bit but I'm not a real dressy person so it's not over the top. I see women wearing fancier dresses to do their grocery shopping :)



There was no dress code on the invitation and I know it is nothing like her dress or her mum's or anyones thats attending, I've seen the dresses.



I spoke to her, she doesn't feel like the dress is appropriate because she said it's too short, it's just above my knee??? Then a comment was made about how I bought the dress to show off my new body, WTH!!! It sinches in abit at the waist but it's not low cut, tight fitting or short, it's an A line strapless dress that shows off nothing except my arms. Oh an apparently the colour is totally inappropriate and she doesn't know why I thought it would be.



Hubby is fuming, he now wants me to buy a really short tight fitting, brightly coloured dress, get a spray tan and hair and makeup done on the day just to piss everyone off

Jane - posted on 02/19/2012

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Maybe they think the dress is too fancy? Maybe dress down a bit more?



Sometimes folks will get upset if they think someone will outshine the bride. Of course, when you are planning a wedding you get upset about a lot of things. Wait until they have kids and then they'll be happy just to have a bath during the day.



And just a thought, could it be too much like something the bride or her mom is wearing?

Michelle - posted on 02/19/2012

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Hard call without knowing more about why it was inappropriate what did the invitation say about dress? I'm wondering if they have miss conveyed what is actually expected of people and will be sorely disappointed at the wedding with what people show up in. If it doesn't say anything at all then they've left it open to your discretion within reason. Ask them to give you an idea of what would be appropriate in their eyes. See what they tell you. You may have been the unintended target of some wedding planning stress too. Good luck. That's a rough situation.

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