15 Yr Old Stepson coming to live with us permanently

Hesti - posted on 05/23/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My husband's eldest son from his first marriage has always wanted to live with his dad and has recently decided to stand up to his mom and told her that he wants to come live with us - that is bio dad, me and his half brother (7) and half-sister (4). After a lot of fighting between my husband and his ex-wife she finally agreed (she lives 500 km away with my SS, SD her new husband and their 8 yr old daughter) and we have started the legal process of changing the court order etc. and we are all very excited about the prospect. We all get along very well, the younger kids absolutely adore their older brother and he is a very good kid- well-mannered and well-behaved, very sporty and active - but hey, still a teenager no doubt!. I have cautioned both my SS and my husband that we might all have some unfair expectations of the new living arrangements and that there will be a time of adjustment; especially since my husband and I are only really used to being full time parents to young children, not teenagers (my SS and SD has only ever visited us during school holidays, which adds up to about 8 weeks a year since their bio mom moved them away eight years ago). If anyone has experience of a similar situation I would love to hear your thoughts and advice on how to make the move and adjustment easier, especially since my SS will be starting at a new school in the middle of the year and will obviously have to deal with the guilt of 'leaving' his mother and sisters - an issue which is greatly imposed by his bio mom who is trying to guilt him into not going through with his plans.

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Congrats!!!! We are in a constant battle with my husbands ex. I absolutely adore my ss's!!! We wish so much that they could live with us!!! We have the better schools and environment! They are almost nine and seven, so I am sure we have some years to go till we even remotely have a shot at it, but it is a nice thought. I have 2 ds's from a previous marriage who are the same ages and they LOVE their brothers so much and are best friends! Just wish they could be together more often!

Hesti - posted on 05/25/2012

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Thank you Jessica! I know exactly what you mean, my husband has had to take both his parents and sister aside a time or two to 'read them their rights' - so to speak! We have a very strict rule between us, set in place right from the moment we met, not to discuss any issues regarding his ex-wife in front of their children or even our younger ones for that matter; unfortunately we can't control what others do or say but like I said, we have discussed it with our extended family members and all seem to be on the same page (and will hopefully remain there!). Sadly we know that the same courtesy is not extended towards us in bio mom & stepdad's house and we have had to make our peace with that...we can't change what they say about us but we can show the kids with our words and actions that those things aren't true, in the end, our kids are children only a very small part of their lives and as they grow older they become more and more able to distinguish between the truth and the lie...sad thing is, I think that by bashing your child's other parent you are are actually abusing them as well and in the long run, you are defacing YOURself in your child's eyes too... I wish you and your family only the best, it sounds like you are really caring mom who has everyone's best interests at heart, good luck!!

Jessica - posted on 05/24/2012

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Congratulations! Im going through something very similar my step son age 8 just moved back in with us last monday, got no real advice yet since of age difference and we have our own struggles just wanted to wish you all luck and I got nothing else just congratulations.

Oh never mind got one thing I don't think you or hubby be saying mean things about the bio mom but watch your friends and family members (I had to get my brother to watch his mouth the other night) Our feeling to bio mom are not good for my stepson to be hearing from anyone, to much anger in this household towards her.

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