Anyone else in this situation?

Karen - posted on 10/14/2009

i will tell you, it has taken 12 years to get to this point..and as soon as last summer, I didn't trust her.... but I've grown, so has she.... I now realize that she means no harm and can actually be really cool.
She is planning on bringing the girls up for the week of Christmas, but said her mom (who has no one else) would be lonely, so we said to bring her too!

I guess we finally all realized that life is too short and we all love the kids...it's not fair to them to make each other miserable, and them in the process.
i still have times when I feel the jealousy bug trying to take over... but I try not to let it.... I just remind myself that my husband loves me... he married me....and he left her for a reason. If he had a desire to go back to her, he would have done it by now. He has proven time and time again that he has no interest in her... he just wants to be able to spend time with his kids...and they deserve to be able to have ALL of their family together, especially on holidays.... this is the best way to do it.... besides the fact that I actually do like her and we get along well.

Rachael - posted on 10/14/2009

Wow...and I wish my ex-husband would just drop off the face of the Earth! LOL! Just kidding,,,but maybe not!

My husband doesn't like my ex because of how crappy of a dad he is: he is always behind on helping us pay for my daughter's school & extra classes, he's very flaky, and he still thinks he can talk to me as if he controls me. My husband would love if my ex never came around & he could adopt my daughter (he's been more of a father to her since she was 7 months old). But his ex is more in his life than mine...and she's come over for a Halloween party I hosted and even hung out at my FIL's house for a bit while we were there. I can't say that I'm 100% comfortable with it; I feel like, since she has only one child and it's with my husband, all of the focus is on that child when she's around us. Like she's trying to play out how things would still be if myself & my 2 kids weren't there. And my husband seems to play along (yes, before anyone says I should talk to him, I have said something and he says I'm just being paranoid). And my husband and his ex still talk on the phone about things not related to their daughter...something funny that happened to them, things they're stressed about, etc. I just don't understand...I only call my ex when it relates to our child. Maybe when our exes have remarried, it will be easier for me. I still talk to my ex's family...my ex-MIL calls me her daughter and even buys Christmas presents for all our kids (step-daughter and my newest baby included). But I MUST commend all of you moms that are able to be around your husband's ex so comfortably. That is very noble of you...and great for the kids. If your children see that you all get along so well, I doubt there will ever be any "you're not my dad/mom" comments or trying to get away with something at your house and blaming it on being able to do it at the other parent's house. I must learn from you ladies...can you rub off some of your confidence on me?? LOL! Or maybe it's just so new a situation for me that I haven't had time to gain that confidence (I've been with my husband for 2 1/2 years, married for 1...his ex was his high school GF and they were together for over 9 years).

Nickie - posted on 10/13/2009

Well, we don't got that far as to have dinner at my husband's ex-in-laws, but we do take my stepson to see his grandma because my stepson's mom and grandma are not speaking and it's not fair that my stepson has to suffer.

Melissa - posted on 10/12/2009

No you are not alone....just the minority! :) My dh still has coffee at least once a week with his ex FIL. My ex MIL stays at our house when she visits instead of staying in a motel (she lives a significant distance from us and comes to see my daughter 1 - 2 times a year). Once a year, my dh entire family gets together over 4th of July. His parents are divorced and everyone (both his mothers side and fathers side) get together and celebrate for the holidays. It was weird for me at first because I didn't understand, now I see that just because the relationship between two people didn't work out doesn't mean that the rest of the family should be forgotten. I say good for you! :)

Lisa - posted on 10/08/2009

OMG! How great for all the families that have that kind of relationship. I could only imagine how it would be to not have the fights and tension...that as much as you try to hide it, the kids pick it up and therefore affected by it. Congratulations to all of you who are mature enough to realise your relationships with each other are over and everyone needs to move on but stay friends.....it is setting a brilliant example for your children!

CHRISTINE - posted on 10/06/2009

I DO ALSO IT'S BETTER FOR THE KIDS..IT'S NOT WEIRD

Kari - posted on 10/05/2009

yes, I do....(sorta) after my divorce with my childrens father (11yrs ago) I was closer to his family than he was. After about 7yrs I did remarry for a short time which my husband then was fine with going over and being a part of my ex's family...especially since he didn't have much of a family however my current boyfriend doesn't think it's right. Last year at the holidays he thought it was strange that I would even ask him to consider the thought of going over there, I guess I never put myself in his shoes until he asked me if I would feel comfortable spending time with his ex-wives family for a holdiday. I agreed it was a little weird and different. It works for some, but then it doesn't for others. You are furtunate to have a husband who doesn't mind and have that kind of family who accepts anyone as their family (that's exactly how my ex family is) I still see them from time to time...at birthdays, special events and when he is around them he's polite and friendly he just doesn't feel comfortable enough to have a "chummy" relationship with. LOL.

Glad it works for you!

Allison - posted on 10/05/2009

Our family spends alot of time with my ex-boyfriend mother. My daughter has a wonderful grandma that I enjoy spending some time with. She attends my other children's birthday parties and comes over on Christmas and so on. It is not quite as big as your situation but is nice having a piece of my daughters family around.

Jackie - posted on 09/24/2009

I AM SO HAPPY TO SEE SOMEONE ELSE LIKE US!!

Yes, I have a very close relationship with my husband's ex-wife. We all spend holidays together and even her parents and us are very close. I couldn't be more excited about our "big weird" family. My husband is in the military and is currently deployed. I am so thankful I have his ex-wife around to help me through this tough time. Of course with the kids it helps out so much. I came from a divorced family where one side didn't talk to the other side. What problems that created! I can only thank God that our children won't have to go through the same thing I have gone through. :)

Victoria - posted on 09/23/2009

No, I have a great relationship with my daughter's father! He and his wife come over all the time for dinner and to hang out with all the kids! We still go to some family functions with his family also, but he isn't too close with his family, so its only once or twice a year! He sometimes will have my step-daughter and my older son over for a sleepover or to take them on an outing. My husband's family thinks its strange b/c our relationship w/his ex is completely opposite (by her choice), but it works for us, too!

Karen - posted on 09/23/2009

wow, I am so glad to see others are in the same situation....

I do have to say though that my ex husband doesn't have anything to do with the kids and his new wife is not a nice person at all... my boys were adopted by me (now)husband and my former father in law even wrote up a recommendation for it to happen.
My former in-laws treat my "step" daughters as their own too... it's really great. Our youngest daughter had no idea until recently that my former in-laws weren't her biological grandparents.
My husband's ex wife also treats her as if she were her own daughter.... at first I kind of was jealous over it, but then I realized that it's a good thing... and she did a good job raising the other girls, so it's good for my daughter to have someone else she can look up to and trust.

Krista - posted on 09/23/2009

yes i do, pretty much the same scenario for me, and if it works it works and all the power to it too!! like i say its easier to be nice and co-operative then to waste energy to be nasty!!!

its easier to be nice than nasty anyday!!!

Jennifer - posted on 09/22/2009

You are not the only one. lol. I thought my family was the only ones. Everybody thinks it is weird, but it works for us. I consider my kids fathers side of the family to be my family. I have been around them for years. we do all the holidays and stuff too. I have a husband who they love and now 2 stepkids they accept as well. My kids call my husband daddy and the ex knows. they call him daddy joe. He is fine with that ( I think) My husband and ex get along great. The ex has a new girlfriend who I really like. They have a new baby. She put me as the godmother of their child. I want the kids to grow up knowing each other because they are brothers and sisters. Whenever I have explained it to other people, they think I am crazy. But, it is easier for everyone to get along than to fight. I don't want my kids in the middle of any arguments or to see hostility between the parents. But, let it be known, I have plenty of problems with the ex. Things that he does nowadays that I don't approve of because of my kids. Other than that, when there is a problem with the kids, the 2 sets of parents get together and talk. I like it that way because there is more of an opinion that might help us. Ultimately, me and the ex have the final say so on the kids, but we take the other opinions into consideration. Now, having said that, we do not in any way get along with my husbands ex. She is not a good mother and the kids don't wanna be around her. Very different situations.

Alisha - posted on 09/21/2009

I think maybe you are the only ones! LOL But I think that it is great that you can be that way! My hubby an his ex get along fine for the kids, until my kids or I come into the picture. As long as I'm not there they are fine but I get around her claws an fangs come out which instantly makes mine do the same. I wish that we could get along the way you guys do, but she can't except that he has a life a child with me an envolve their two children. She thinks that if I am around he can't do anything with his kids, an God forbid him include my kids into something with his kids! Then she spins out of control!