anyone have challenges with stepkids?

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

20 Comments

View replies by

Monique - posted on 01/23/2009

23

27

0

My husband's ex is the problem with my step children also. She is constantly trying to be in our business. I can't stand it cause when my husbands youngest is at our house she is constantly calling and causing problems. I honestly think she is constantly tell my step daughter not to behave when she is at our house. Things were good for a while because one day I finally had enough and I broke the silence. But now all of a sudden she turned into a mega Bitch because my husband won't give her everything she wants. It is really sad to see how it effects my step daughter. She was doing great when we were all getting along. but now she is terrible. I think her mother talks about it when she is around. We don't talk about her mother when she is at our house because she needs a break sometime from all the negativity. My step daughter has even started lying to her mother saying that all I ever do is yell at her. I think she really is lacking attention in that household. But anyway, you are not alone. Just remember that it is not problems with the step child it is problems with the Ex

Christy - posted on 01/23/2009

9

13

1

Wow! I'm reading all these posts and see so many similariteis to  our situation.  Our biggest problem with my step children is thier mother.  She manipulates the children against my husband. She's one of those that always needs to be the "victim".  So she always makes my husband sound like a monster.  The kids have had a hard time with the divorce. My step daugher is doing much better now but my step son has a horrible time.  But they've been made to feel that their dad doesn't need them or want them anymore since he married me (I have a daughter and we have son together). So the ex actualy said to my husband when she found out we were having a boy "I guess you don't need either of MY kids now you've got a new son and daughter".  The kids were sitting right there to hear her. They've been made to feel they can't trust him because he hasn't been there for them like she has. Although the reason he wasn't there was because he did two tours in Iraq, back to back.  They've been told that our baby isn't their "real brother" that he's only their "half brother". They were also told that the only reason we got married was because I was pregnant with our son. Now my step son HATES his baby brother. When he comes to visit he wont spen time with anyone, he just plays video games unless the girls try to play too and play one he doesn't want to play.  My husband and I make them take turns picking games but at their mom's house he gets what ever he wants and my step daugher just has to go along with it.  If the girls play and he doesn't get his way he goes to a room by his self and stays there. He crys every visit saying he wants to go home or call his mom.  He will say things like "I hate Zane (baby), I hate Zane worse than anybody".  I would be angry with his behavior but I feel sorry for him. He's so depressed and miserable because he's been told so much crap by the ex and/or her family (not sure where it's all comming from).  I think the problem isn't the children as much as it is the EX.  Who of course denies everything when she's confronted with what the kids are doing and saying.  AGHHHHHH!. sorry but I feel a little better....

Janel - posted on 01/18/2009

4

15

1

Kelli I wouldn't give up on the the marriage!! If you love him you should definately try to work it out! I have also been at that point in our marriage for the same reason, treating the children differently. The stepchildren are entering their teens and are really into the manipulation games right now. But I refuse to let them and her tear us apart!! That's what they want, don't let them win. You love him. Anything worth having is worth fighting for! Go out to dinner and really express to him how you feel. Tell him that you fear that you're at the point of leaving. How does your daughter feel? Does she notice a difference in treatment? Bottom line - fight for your family!!!

Vicki - posted on 01/18/2009

2

1

0

I have 2 step-childern that were gradeschoolers when we married (teens now) and most of the problems have been a result of their mother. She has trouble with bounders at our home, and lies to the childern. I have refused to be sucked into that type of behavior. When the childern have been rude, or disrepectful, I have called them on it right then. Usually my husband supports me, but it took a few years to get here. My oldest battled with my husband (older teen male) and got into minor trouble. We learned quickly to communicate, and not believe everything that we are told. It has taken a lot of communication, and work on our part.

We also have been clear to the childern that we are a couple first, and there are times that they have to leave us alone so we can spend time together. The time together gave the oppertunity to discuss the situations, and work together.

Kelli - posted on 01/17/2009

3

18

0

I have been with my hubby for 13 years.  We have been together since his kids were 3 and 5 and my daughter was 5.  We also deal with his crazy ex wife....you can't even imagine the immaturaty level of this women.  At any rate, my hubby felt alot of guilt when his marriage didn't work out and alot of guilt not being with the children.  So of course he spoiled them rotten (and still does) and never disciplines them when they would come over.  As the kids got older, they got more manipulative.  My hubby and I fight often about his children and my own, and how he treats them so differently.  He seems to always yell at my daughter, he never has anything positive or nice to say about her and finally after all these years I'm at the end of my rope.  I am seriously thinking about leaving him, although my daughter is finishing highschool and will be going to college next year.  Do I throw in the towel after all these years?  I love him...I just don't think I can take anymore.....any suggestions?

Kelli - posted on 01/17/2009

3

18

0

I have to agree with you....my husbands ex is a nut bar and when we heard she was getting married we thought things would get a little easier...not so...it got much worse.  What is with these crazy ex wives.

Jennifer - posted on 01/17/2009

6

16

0

Oh that sounds just like my Lili! Too funny... in the long run, I just hope that they will eventually understand why we have to be the "bad guys" and that it's because of how much we care :)

Madii - posted on 01/17/2009

13

9

3

Quoting Jennifer:

Most of my issues are with my step-daughter who is 10. She was very excited to be able to call me mom. The biggest issue is with her mother. She doesn't come around much and blows the kids off all the time. I get the brundt when this happens. Whenever she gets upset with her "real mom" she takes it out on me. She also starts yelling at me when I ask her to do stuff or when I get upset with her. It's then that she throws in that she wishes she was with her "real mom" and that her "real mom" wouldn't make her feel bad.

She also has this fantasy about how wonderful her other mom is. She is constantly comparing me to her. It gets really frustrating and I try so hard not to take it personally. I bite my tounge to not bash her other mom. I just remind her of what it is I do and that we are a family who will always be there for her.

We have good day's and bad days. One day she loves me and the next she hates me. My step-son is a whole different story. He considers me his mom and refers to his other mom by her first name. As much as I love him I remind him that he still should refer to his other mom as mom.



i know exactly what you mean, Jade is 5 and has lived with us since september last year. her 'mum' disappered with her and my partners son when Jade was only 2 years old and it took him 3 years to find them. after only his second visit to see them after such a long seperation thier mother just handed Jade over to him.



since september she has only made the effort to see her daughter 5 times, she didnt even call her over christmas. when Jade moved in with us she had vertually no clothes and the only toy she had was one very old, dirty doll. we spent a fortune on her at christmas and her mum sent her a cheep plastic toy phone, but Jade has touched hardly anything we got her, all she is bothered about is the phone. and i can see in my partners eyes the hurt that she doesnt seem to realise everything we are trying to do for her, to make her part of a real family that love her and give her everything she needs. but all she seems to do is talk about her mum and if she is asked to do something.. like tidy her bedroom or brush her teeth she stomps her feet and shouts that her mummy never made her do it. i know she is young but i really hope one day she will realise how much we try and do for her.... unlike her 'mother'.

Deanna - posted on 01/17/2009

7

13

0

Janel, I hope it does not turn that way when the ex gets married. she is alread pyschotic as it is...She had to show me her wedding invitations that she is making through scrapbooking for the wedding today..somedays you just don't know how to take her. sometimes it would be nice to be at least five hours away from her like my ex is with us. Although my ex and i get along pretty well for the most part. He is a super guy and pretty much lets me raise the girls and not have an issue about it.

Jennifer - posted on 01/16/2009

6

16

0

Most of my issues are with my step-daughter who is 10. She was very excited to be able to call me mom. The biggest issue is with her mother. She doesn't come around much and blows the kids off all the time. I get the brundt when this happens. Whenever she gets upset with her "real mom" she takes it out on me. She also starts yelling at me when I ask her to do stuff or when I get upset with her. It's then that she throws in that she wishes she was with her "real mom" and that her "real mom" wouldn't make her feel bad.



She also has this fantasy about how wonderful her other mom is. She is constantly comparing me to her. It gets really frustrating and I try so hard not to take it personally. I bite my tounge to not bash her other mom. I just remind her of what it is I do and that we are a family who will always be there for her.



We have good day's and bad days. One day she loves me and the next she hates me. My step-son is a whole different story. He considers me his mom and refers to his other mom by her first name. As much as I love him I remind him that he still should refer to his other mom as mom.

Janel - posted on 01/16/2009

4

15

1

My husband has been divorced from his ex for about 12 ;years. The week we came home from our honeymoon, she announced she was getting married. We were hoping that would change her psychotic ways, but we've been married 10 years and it still hasn't. It actually has gotten worse! So the ex's marriage didn't change the situation for us at all! I think she just got married because we did!! It's too bad too because the man she married is a nice guy (he's divorced also). He has made comments to my hubby over the years about how crazy she is -"you've been married to her, you know what she's like!" Hopefully you will find a little peace!

Deanna - posted on 01/10/2009

7

13

0

We have that same problem with Madi...we got to the point with "I don't know" business we would just walk away and not listen and when she would come to us for something we would say "I don't know"...She has learned a little bit but it still goes on...I would say on the toy business...start giving her a small allowance and when she does break something you say to her that she needs to pay for it. If it is her items then let them go other than the expensive ones(for the expensive ones just box them up until she is responsible). We had to do that with Madi...she actually took a child and pulled him of the table...and tore his shirt. She had to pay for it out her savings..I don't recall her doing that again...



HOpes this helps...Who said stepchildren are easier..I think your own kids are easier to raise than your stepchildren...I check everyday for gray hair...when she is with us.

Madii - posted on 01/09/2009

13

9

3

im starting to pull my hair out when it comes to my step-daughter.



she is 5 and has lived with us since sptember of last year. she was basically neglected by her mother in favor of her autistic younger brother and has no basic manners, general hygene or socialisation skills.



we have been trying to make her part of our family but i get so frustrated with her.



she has minor learning difficulties including a slight speach defect but she plays on her problems and makes out she is worse than she is.



if she is naughty she plays dumb all the time, everytime i ask her a question regarding anything at all her responce is always "i dont know" .. for example today she broke one of my daughters toy's and when asked why all she could say was "i dont know" and after sitting on the naughty chair for 10 minutes she was asked again this time she answered with "because i didnt like it".



this is not an issolated incident, it is happening on a almost daily basis, i could put it down to a jelousy problem if it was only Alana's things she distroys but its her own as well.



i feel like i am constantly screaming at her, or sitting her in a corner or taking away her pocket money.



its starting to cause tension with me and her father as well.



 

Deanna - posted on 01/07/2009

7

13

0

He does not have any guts to stand up to her and she used to get by with alot of stuff until I stepped into the picture. She would have my husband for things beyond his child support. She even conned him of his tax credit for child care one year....She is a piece of work. We just found out she is getting married ....we are excited maybe she will leave us alone.....When we got married she had asked for a box that was in the store room and it was old wedding decor and etc. She asked if she could have it so I took it over to her (this right before we got married). Do you know what she did she through it in her trash dumpster in front of me...but now she is accusing us of throwing it away...She is something else. One time I would love to be one step of her...

Robin - posted on 01/07/2009

3

0

1

Coming into your house!!??That would make me nuts! I think your husband needs to lay down the law about that....I wouldn't want my husband's ex in my house....even if I was home!-lol I'm so sorry -that's tough

Deanna - posted on 01/07/2009

7

13

0

I to have a blended family with one stepdaughter.. She tries everything in the book. We found out right before Christmas that she had been skipping band for three weeks...It is also something between her and her mom...Her mom calls the weekend we have her and tells us what Madi needs to do, it is not like we don't know already. I guess that is one of pet peeves...I moved into my husbands home and so the ex still feels free to come in without us being here. We just started locking our home. She would just come in and take things. She actually called us on one incident and told us she was at the house. My patience is wearing very thin with the issues that the ex pulls and then she has her daughter do some outragious things when she comes to our house. or she will get into trouble at her mom's house right before she is to come to our house and then we have to follow through with the punishment and that ruins plans for the whole weekend if we want to go to the movies or shopping because she can't go...Sorry I went off...It is nicce to vent to others who don't know the ex!!!!

Robin - posted on 01/07/2009

3

0

1

I have a stedaughter(7) whose mom died when she was two.Obviously a very sensitive situation!!She was so spoiled because of everything she had been through-everyone just gave her whatever she wanted-not that I blame them-but it makes for quite a little princess now.I already had two girls(11&14) and have since had a baby(10mos).It is so hard to balance out what she needs! She does not understand ANYONE else getting attention but her and will do whatever she can to get it back on her-can anyone relate?

Janice - posted on 01/07/2009

73

50

7

Yes, I have had my fair share of challenges with mu step kids. When they were younger they were very manipulative and predotorial. Still at times in their adulthood. They would always try to make me look like the bad guy. They won! When I would disapline them, my hubby always told me I was picking on them. Brats!!!!

Monique - posted on 01/07/2009

23

27

0

I have many problems with my step children. The youngest one is lying about me all the time. Her mother spoils her rotten and she expects it here too. We have 5 children and I won't treat her differently. At christmas my husbands oldest who is 11 sat there and said is that all I get after we spent more money than we usually do. I want to pull my hair out sometimes

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms