As blended as Oatmeal.

Brittney - posted on 02/22/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )

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So I haven't been on here in quite some time... I have 5 children in total 2 step sons (ages 10 and 3) and 3 daughters (ages 6, 5 (almost), and 1). My husband and I had 2 children each when we met and shortly after we that we had our daughter. I share my 2 older girls with their father who is amazing as a coparent - I am very grateful that he is so easy to work with. My 3 yr old stepson just moved to CO with his mother and now we only see him 3 weeks out of the yr - long story.So that leave the final stepson who is 10. He started living with us 100% in Jan 2010..it used to be 50/50 with this mother but he created such havoc in her house she literally called and said she couldn't do it anymore last Jan.

Ok. now for the issue. lets call my step son DC. DC has some physiological problems that neither biological parent have ever full addressed. So since my husband and I've been together I started heavily suggestion counseling...which he agreed to only after MANY many fights between DC and I. DC had been so rude, disrespectful, and manipulative and my husband just kept making excuses that his life been hard etc. Very rarely did my husband stand up for me or back me up when these outbursts would happen. Finally last August DC went to a psychiatrist who prescribed him meds for his massive mood swings and inability to chill out... DC's mom decided that was not ok he needed homeopathic medications and in November they (my husband and his ex) took DC off the meds... when he was on the meds he was a little more bearable, but off - it has only gotten worse. He is so disrespectful and angry and rude and hes having outbursts all the time and its affecting the functionality of all the other children of the house. I mean he can be so rude that I litterally feel like trash... and I do a lot for the family. I take the kids to school everyday, pick them up from school during my lunch hour and take them to their day care, while working full time, and I get them all from daycare and then go home and cook dinner,etc. And constantly this child talks to me like I am crap scum of the earth. Finally I had enough... I told my husband that I would never ask him to choose between his child and me, so I decided I should take the girls and go. You see we've had this fight about every 3 days for over a year... and I feel like a battered step-mother..I am starting to experience serious resentment for that child and as a mother, I feel so guilty...until DC opens his mouth or glares at me. My husband, I think, has guilt issues about his son... DC is quite an odd ball and doesn't have many friends at school... and his personality has gotten so eccentric that the teacher has suggested that if we can't get him to calm down during school hours he may need a aide to give him constant attention. My husband and I love each other dearly, but I fear that DC will ultimately rip us apart.... My husband and I are still together, I have not left yet... we are supposed to go to counseling AGAIN... but with focusing on Blending the family, and more important the issues with DC.

What do I do? How do I cope... anyone have a similar story?? I'm sure I left out details or important notes... but my brain and emotions are just so fried I can't keep up anymore.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Amber - posted on 02/23/2011

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i do understand where you are....i feel like i have been there for years. one of the first things that you must do is get on the same page as your dh. if the two of you are not united, then dc will only get worse. i have the same issue w/ my ss. he is 12 now and manipulate my dh whole family. it caused tension for quite some time and i was so miserable and unhapp. then things got worse when all the other kids started following behind him. it just got to the point, where we had to make a decision. we sent him back to his mothers house (b/c she was fueling his fire). we have my other step son still and my husband put his foot down with all the kids. we both love my ss, but to what extent? now he is in trouble again and my dh family wants us to take him back. we did talk about it a few times, but we said no. his behavior puts the rest of our children at risk. that doesnt mean we dont love him, it just means that we do love our other children also. we cannott sacrifice the 6 that live w/ us, to save 1. we asked ourself how we would feel if he wasnt ours. we both said that if he wasnt ours, he would not even be permitted around our kids. right now, very few people will take him b/c of his behavior and sometimes, i feel bad, but i simply cannot handle all of my kids acting like that. he is my husbands 1st son and i know it is very hard for him (the bm is a neglectful money hungry....piece of work) but to allow our whole house to be turned upside down and cause so much turmoil in our relationship...to show that we love 1 child? it leaves the other kids confused, and insecure. how are we loving them, by messing up their life?
it is such a hard spot to be in...one things for certain, you and dh need to be on the same page for all your kids.
best wishes!

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