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Child refering bio dad to others by his first name. Opinions?

Aimee - posted on 09/05/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

22

0

My boyfriend's daughter, who is a preteen, had a homework assignment which was assigned to let each student let the other students know about each other. On the assignment she wrote down some people in her life. She wrote "mom", "dad", her siblings names, some of her friends, and her bio father's first name. So rather than the before mentioned "dad" being assigned to her bio dad, she was referring to her stepfather as "dad." My boyfriend is not an absentee father to his daughter. He is very much apart of her life and he loves her more than anything. He used to let it slide when she would tell us stories and refer to her stepfather as "dad," but now that her bio dad has seen that she refers him to other by his first name he has put his foot down.



How would you feel in this situation? Or how would you feel as a 3rd party (boyfriend or girlfriend of bio parent) in this situation?

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2 Comments

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Mischa - posted on 09/11/2012

39

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My advice...this is either teenage rebellion against thier parents....but before you assume that....rule out what's called "parental alienation" (PAS). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_al...



look that up and see if you are seeing a lot of the symtons. Basically, it's when the mother is allegedly doing things that is creating a divide between dad and daugter- but in a very negative way. Besides not calling him "dad", has her 'bad attidude' gone from bad to worse? Is she telling stories about her father (negative ones)? If you see this happening

1. schedule an apppointment with a MFT that can assess PAS.

2. If it is determined- this is bad news for mom because it weakens her position on cusotody. Judges view relationships with parents as sacred- so a PAS case is taken very seriously.

Kimberly - posted on 09/05/2012

785

23

This is always a hard one. I take it she lives with her mom and stepdad? she may feel more comfortable calling him dad as thats what all the other kids in the house call him and she doesnt want to feel different. I'm sure she isnt calling you partner by his first name as a hurt thing and I think by forcing her to call him dad when she doesnt want to or feel comfortable with doing so could be more damaging them good. It could also be that she had a hard time explaining to other that she has a dad and stepdad so finds it easier to reffer to him by name. I grew up with step parents on both sides and I was given the option if I wanted to call them by there names or mom and dad. I chose to call them by there names but I would sometimes slip and call my stepdad dad but it didnt matter. I think what your partner should be focusing on is being there as part of her life regardless of what she calls him. I can say that I love my stepparents just as much as my bio ones and I feel it made me a stronger person for the fact that I got advise from more then two parents. My dad passed away ten years ago but I still call my stepmom and chat regular and catch up when I'm home. Being there is what counts not what you are called, he will always be her dad no one can ever change that, I just wouldnt force her to call him that if she doesnt want to

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