Combined family of 8 kids, going nuts!

Sheri - posted on 04/19/2012

I have been in your situation. You need to not worry about what the exwife says, because no matter what you do she will have a problem with it. So you need to just do what is best for you and your family. I once got yelled at by my husbands ex because my husband fed the kids canteloupe for breakfast. WHAT? I thought canteloupe was healthy, better then the donuts and poptarts she would give them, but that isnt the point. The point is no matter what you do she is going to find something wrong with it, you cant live life affraid to do anything for fear of her having a problem with it. (((HUGS))) blending a family is so hard. Hang in there

Sofia - posted on 04/11/2012

God bless you for taking on such a big responsibility! I have 2 step children and a 3rd moving in soon. It's not easy but it's a labor of love. Sometimes tough love. Show them you care for them, but also let them know this is YOUR house and YOUR rules. Dad has to back you up on this or it will NOT work. Mine backs me up every single time and the stepkids no longer try pulling a fast one anymore. They tested the waters and found out dad n I are a united front.

Bio-mom might try to under mine you, but she doesnt live there. You do. And when the kids ask you for a favor (like a ride, or permission to go somewhere) dont be shy about pulling out the "What happened when I asked you to do something? What do u say/do to me?" card. Kids often forget that it isnt nice to be treated the way they treat their parents. So give it right back when you have to. (in an adult and matured way ofcourse)

Sol4J - posted on 04/04/2012

I saw your post yesterday, and you have been in my heart and mind. I wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you and your precious family. Although this is an exciting time as you and your husband look to the future, we know that blending two families together can have its challenges. I came across this article series http://bit.ly/HR1zJx during my time at Focus on the Family. It talks about “Remarriage and Blended Families”. If you need a caring, listening ear, please give our counselors a call, at no cost. In addition, I highly recommend the book, "The Smart Stepfamily" by Ron Deal. God bless!

Beth - posted on 04/04/2012

Think it's worth having a family meeting and discussing what the house rules are - what are acceptable behaviour/chores and what's not. As you've got a houseful of children - they could be given certain things that are age appropriate for them. I've got 3 children of my own. The things that I expect them to do include things like stripping their beds once a week, making their beds daily. When we change the bedding - they strip their beds and I make their beds up again, except for the pillow cases, which I expect them to do.



Also worth talking between you and your husband what is the acceptable amount of chores. Look at having some to begin with and over time introduce more, according to their age. Have a reward chart of some description for doing chores. You could also look at doing something fun, e.g. have a timed event at who can do x the quickest, can they beat their personal best for whatever. Make it fun and let them know that when they've done the 'boring' stuff they can do 'fun' stuff.



As for cooking with you - surely that's learning life skills. When they've grown up and left home, then they will need to know how to cook and more than baked beans/scrambled egg on toast. You could again work with the kids (all of them) - work out what they would like to make during the week. They could be in charge of something like puddings/desserts to begin with and then work onto doing main courses etc..



Stay firm, stay positive with all the children (yours, his and both). Worth explaining (jointly) that when the children are with you and your husband, that all the children are expected to follow your rules. Give lots of praise and love and hopefully it'll progress with time. His children may be feeling a wide range of emotions at the moment which could be contributing to their behaviour.

Beth - posted on 04/04/2012

Think it's worth having a family meeting and discussing what the house rules are - what are acceptable behaviour/chores and what's not. As you've got a houseful of children - they could be given certain things that are age appropriate for them. I've got 3 children of my own. The things that I expect them to do include things like stripping their beds once a week, making their beds daily. When we change the bedding - they strip their beds and I make their beds up again, except for the pillow cases, which I expect them to do.



Also worth talking between you and your husband what is the acceptable amount of chores. Look at having some to begin with and over time introduce more, according to their age. Have a reward chart of some description for doing chores. You could also look at doing something fun, e.g. have a timed event at who can do x the quickest, can they beat their personal best for whatever. Make it fun and let them know that when they've done the 'boring' stuff they can do 'fun' stuff.



As for cooking with you - surely that's learning life skills. When they've grown up and left home, then they will need to know how to cook and more than baked beans/scrambled egg on toast. You could again work with the kids (all of them) - work out what they would like to make during the week. They could be in charge of something like puddings/desserts to begin with and then work onto doing main courses etc..



Stay firm, stay positive with all the children (yours, his and both). Worth explaining (jointly) that when the children are with you and your husband, that all the children are expected to follow your rules. Give lots of praise and love and hopefully it'll progress with time. His children may be feeling a wide range of emotions at the moment which could be contributing to their behaviour.