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confusing family....help to make kids understand a little better

Heather - posted on 11/09/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

i have 4 kids, with 3 dads....all the kids live with me, and all the dads are around....so heres how it goes

my oldest goes to her dads every other weekend. on one of the other weekends, she goes to her (ex) step dads. PLUS she has visits with meme and pepe a couple nights a month, PLUS she has school....we cut out dance this year since her grades started to drop last year. when i told her she was going to memes for the nite, she asked "where do i go after that" (shes 7.5) it almost broke my heart that my poor girl doesnt know anything other then bouncing around!! AND she told me i cant get married (again) because she doesnt need another dad. however since then we have explained it to her, and now she would be ok with it, "in a few years if im happy"

the 2 middle boys are with my (ALMOST) ex hubby. he has them 2 weekends a month at his gfs house with her 3 kids, and my oldest boy is actualy having trouble sleeping again, and hes so sad when he gets home cuz no one plays with him. i think he just wants time with his dad, but dad doesnt get it!! my 2 yr old is just fine with whatever is thrown at his, but prefers my bf over his own dad. and the baby, well his dad lives with me so no issues there. i guess im half venting, and half looking for advice on how to handle all the kids with bouncing around, and scheduling and such. thanks ladies! glad i was invited to this, it may be a life saver!!

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Heather - posted on 11/09/2009

i am still on good terms with both dads. the one is still basically my best friend, we just couldnt stand being together! lol.
i have a wipeoff calender for doc appts and such, and i thought about getting my daughter a calender for her room. i never thought of using different colors for each kid! im sure they would LOVE it!!! and it may help them understnad better if they can count how many days til dads house and stuff. i have talked to him about spending more time with HIS kids,and he says he does, but they say he doesnt. so not really sure. ive talked to him about all this, and he just kinda brushes it all off and basically lies to me and says he does all this stuff that he doesnt, like spend time with them. me and my bf BOTH make an effort at least once a week we each spend alone time with each kid....they are a lot happier then they used to be. thanks for the calender idea...im gonna try it!!

Danielle - posted on 11/09/2009

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I can so feel for you hon!!. I have 5kids in th house and only one of them is with us 24/7. When Kevin and I met he had two boys with his ex wife who are now 5 and 7. I had my daughter who is now 10. We had our 2yo daughter together and then we adopted our 14yo niece. Our boys are with us Sunday through Wednesday morning. Cheyenne goes to her dad's once a month during the school year and every other two weeks in the summer. Holidays are split and we both work full time. Sandra's parents are separated and neither one of them can have unsupervised visits with her so they have to see her either at our house or at my hubbies mom's. With all of the different schedules it can get chaotic. I invested in a wipe off board that holds a months worth of schedule. (I got mine at walmart) It really helps the older kids who can read it. I put everyone's schedule in a different color and this helps the kids have some sense of order. Letting your daughter stay in contact with her step dad is important. Afterall a divorce is between adults not kids and parents. I commend you for putting her first and letting them keep that connection. You may also want to get her a small calendar for her room. My older girls both have one and they add important dates to their like things happening in schools and friends birthdays. Sometimes just being able to see the day planned out in the morning helps them feel better. As far as your son goes, talk to your ex and tell him the boys love him and his GF but would really like some daddy time. All boys need that man time and so do little girls. We try to have one on one time with all the kids once a month. This helps us stay close to them and to keep up with what is going on in their lives. It doesn't have to be anything outrageous. Just go for a walk or hang out at the park. Even just a quiet night watching a movie together works. Sorry this is so long and I hope it helps.

Emily - posted on 11/09/2009

I'm not the best to give you advice as I have one child from one man. But I can tell by your post that you need expert scheduling and planning skills just to keep everything straight. Do you have good relationships with the dads? That will probably be the best thing you could do for both your children and yourself. I know this probably doesn't help much but I will get back to you if I can think of anything else that may help.