Dealing with bratty teenage step-son wanting to stay longer

Jennifer - posted on 09/15/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My stepson came to live with us last summer, just a few months after my husband and I got married. The thing is with this SS, he has lived down here before we got married, for a year, and it was very stressful; especially on my husband. I had no say so into his decision, which frustrated me, but went with the flow. I know my husband was doing in the best interest of his son; he was failing easy classes and skipping lots of days when living with his mom. He is 17, disrespectful, a compulsive liar, selfish, takes advatange of his mom & dad, and the list can go on. He was supposed to go back this summer, but failed and his dad so no go until he shown he could do better.



Now he was supposed to go back this coming summer, and I just got hit with a bombshell he might not leave - over a 14 yr old girl. This may or may not happen, don't know. Again, was not told or have any say so (or so it feels). I've had my hopes on trying for a baby (praying for a girl) and deal with my 2 kids who live with us also. They aren't a handful since we've taught them better, but ss's mom just never did teach them nothing. Feels like my plans are gone, cause my ss has no ambition to go to college or even get a job now; hard telling how long he will suck off us.



Sorry for my long rant; I need to get this off my chest before talking to the hubby; who is very hard to talk to as it is. My question is; how do I deal with this and talk about it personally with the hubby? This kid has been stressful since he has been here and I know when he turns 18 in Feb it just may get worse and I fear that our relationship will just continue to decline and I don't want that.

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Flower - posted on 09/27/2012

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Has anyone tried having a heart to heart conversation with your step son? How involved was his father (your husband) in his life? Has anyone tried to understand why he is not doing so good in school or why he lies, etc? Has anything traumatic happened in his life?



I don't see how you can say " hard telling how long he will suck off us. " That seems a bit harsh to me because he is only seventeen...its not like he is thirty years old. I would try to have some compassion for your stepson. He is still a child, only seventeen and even when he hits eighteen he still is not an adult. I really don't know the full story here, but maybe something is going on with him that needs to be talked about. How was his childhood growing up?

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Jo-Anne - posted on 11/10/2012

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I agree with Flower Girl. I find you are being very harsh. It sounds to me like your stepsoh needs for your support. Until you know what is going on with him, it will be hard to work with him to figure out a plan that will work for all of you. You also need to have open, positive communication with your partner about his son. You're all on the same team.

Jennifer - posted on 11/09/2012

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Thank you ladies for the helpful comments. He is draining us financially and emotionally/physically. He has this I don't care attitude. Very wasteful and disrespectful. He's ran up a 100 dollar long distance bill when he first got down here over a year ago and has never attempted to pay back. Using my family as his personal cab instead of asking ahead of time, he just makes his plans and asks last minute, which is disrespectful to me. He has all this money and all these items he claims people give him. I don't believe it. His constantly lying just makes me want to punch him in the face. I know my husband is tired of it, but nothing he can really do. I know he won't kick him out and I really don't want that either as he has no where to go here. I'm just hoping I can keep my sanity until something happens. I'm hoping the hubby sends him back to his mommy where she can keep up with his spoiled ass.



As for talking to the kid, I would have a better chance of talking to my cats for answers. My husband has had trouble talking to him about anything. He recently asked where is he gonna live and work if he stays here. Local grocery store and IDK. He can barely do chores around here - even the right way.



I just need to vent. I'm glad my other stepson is doing extremely well up where he lives (with his mom). He went and got his driving permit and license on his own. Has a good job. Saving his money. Acting all grown up as he is in his last year of school. I'm proud of him and wish he was here. I know we wouldn't be so stressed!!

Ashley - posted on 10/29/2012

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try to talk to your stepson and come up with a plan, and then the both of you go to your husband with it. if he cant get a job or go to school, then when he turn's 18, it is time for him to move out and figure out what life is really about. but try to talk and work on it with him first, so that will show your husband you are trying to come up with a plan and trying to help him before just getting him out of your house.

Joy - posted on 09/28/2012

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A 17 year old should know better, he should have been raised to be grateful for what he receives, whether it be from his parents or step parents. This kid sounds like he has an attitude of "entitlement" and wants everyone to keep giving, and doesnt think of earing his right to being blessed.



If your husband doesn't put his foot down now, or eventually. Your SS will keep on taking, as long as everyone keeps on giving.

He obviously has some issues he needs to work on. Perhaps suggest counselling. If the wants a future in today's world at all, he will have to start growing up sometime.

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