Eleven year old daughter with a sixteen-year-old mouth.
Kerri - posted on 02/17/2009
4 moms have responded
I have what I consider a large family. I have a 15-year-old son, 14- year-old step-son, 12-year-old step-son and an 11-year-old daughter, with me and my husband that makes 6 people under one roof. Things are actually fairly tame on most days. We are very structured and our children are generally very-well behaved (with the occasional sibling spat). They have to EARN privileges. They also get rewarded for exceptional behavior and punished for poor behavior (which is actually quite rare). The one problem behavior that my husband (her stepdad) and I seem to be constantly dealing with is her MOUTH. She is a straight-A, gifted student, no problems at school, involved in activities, etc. but she has a back-talking mouth that makes me want to curse. For example - Me: Kelli, please go fix your hair and brush your teeth so we will not be tardy to school. Kelli: God, mom okay, I AM going. Geez can I get a few freaking minutes to finish what I am doing? OR: Me: Kelli, your computer time is up, please turn it off and find a book to read. Kelli: Are you kidding me? Thirty minutes is not enough time on the computer. I am so sick of only thirty minutes. No other child in the WORLD is limited to thirty minutes on the computer.
Whew stresses me out just typing it.... Her constant problem areas are using these phrases as responses to me: God, Okay, Give me a minute, I will when I get done, can you not see I am doing something here?
She does not have a cell-phone, is only allowed to watch 30 minutes of TV a day, and only has 30 minutes of computer time every-other-day. She has daily chores that she does already. Spanking is not an option. I have tried every punishment imaginable to me and nothing seems to stop this.
Any advice on how I can get control of her mouth and her popping off to me?
Well, on the computer one, my reply would be something like "I can cut your time down to zero minutes a day if you don't like 30". Then stick to it if she replies with the "Fine, I don't care" (which mine does! Likes to pretend it doesnt faze her, but it does).
With the others, I go with "for speaking to me like that, you get to go do it now". Its thoroughly frustrating, I know - and if she could just say "Hang on mum, just wanna finish this" politely, I'd have NO problem with that at all. Its the whole attitude that kills it. I asked nicely, she can reply nicely or I get unreasonable too! Oft used phrase in this house. Hope it helps.
Remember adolescent is the time when children start to assert their independence. It is the way it is supposed to be!! Easier said then done thought I know. Maybe start giving her a little say in some issues and come up with a plan you can agree upon. It will help her feel empowered but you ultimately get the say. Also let her know you won't accept rudeness if she has a legitimate issue she needs to adress it with respect if she wants to be taken seriously.
I deal with this from my sKids sometimes, and every now and then my oldest son gives it a try. I REFUSE to accept this. My party line is this - you don't talk to your teacher or principal that way, so don't use it on me.
If she continues to mouth off, I would take every last thing away until she smartens up. When my son gripes about turning off the computer, I will walk up and pull the plug with no warning. Same with the tv or video games.
If they argue about a curfew, then they can't go out period....stick with it! It's a pain in the a** but I figure that I am not having any child of mine talk to me like a piece of crap.
Do you remember puberty? It is a hard time for girls. I am going through the same with my 12 year old. Most days I would just love to throttle her. Everything is an issue with her. I have grown so weary with it. I now have a standard line that I spew forth a couple hundred times a day to her. I am sorry she feels the way she does, I am not mother to all those other children she is fond of quoting, I am her mother and I am doing what I think is right for our family. It is a tough time for her, her hormones are going crazy and it is hard to keep up. From what you say, she seems to being pretty good in all other areas, cut her a little slack. she is trying to test her wings, give her space and let her know you're still going to be there.