Ex moved out of state. Any words of wisdom from Moms whove dealt with long distance custody??

Janet - posted on 03/01/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hi. My ex husband moved from MI to Fl today. We have 2 daughters: 7 & almost 9. We had a hearing last week. He's already told the girls they will be with him spring break, and for 6 wks. in the summer!! They've never been apart from me for any extended period of time. They have a very terrible relationship with his wife. She is very very mean & nasty to them. They are being interviewed next week then that will be sent to the judge. From there, he'll decide what custody my ex will get. I'm just a wreck. So are the girls. Spending just the every other weekend with them has been more than enough time. She has done some things that make you question if she has any moral compass or sanity. She's really screwed up! She has never raised her own daughter. I see big red flags. I just hope F.O.C. will listen the girls & take everything into account in the decision! Thanks for letting me vent!! :) I'd like to hear from you if you have had to sent your children for extended visits & how everyone handles it. I am also very concerned about the fact that they said I have to pay 1/2 of the travel expenses. I'm divorced with 6 kids!! I am SOOO broke now. How do they think I will be able to do that? I really have NO extra money. Anyway, thanks in advance for any tips or ideas you may have.

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Rhona - posted on 03/04/2009

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im in uk so different listen to your heart hun fight say no bring your feelings known and the kids get people to check out others if shes mean then say no be strong but dont be the bitter one if no real good reason xxxxxxxx

Angela - posted on 03/03/2009

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Who is "she"? And generally, in move away scenarios, the parent creating the distance is usually held responsible for the additional travel expenses. You should dig your heels in on that point for sure. This is a decision you have no input in, to make you bear a financial burden because of it is wrong.

[deleted account]

Hi Janet,



Well, I moved from Fl to Ca as my new husband is in the military.  So my ex really didnt have a choice, but he could have taken me to court to get specifics on when he would see them-but we have remained "friends".  All I can say is this:  is the step mom really bad to your girls or do you and her not get along?  You have to try to not let your opinions rub off on your kids, while at the same time, your ex needs to foster a good relationship with your kids and his new wife.  Period.  And it takes time.  Second, you have to let the kids see their dad...I am paying for mine to fly to Florida for this upcoming spring break but I had no way to get them back-so my ex said he could do it but couldnt afford the ticket...so I paid for HIM.  However, I will not be able to afford the summer flights.  So-my ex will either have to pay or he will have to come here, stay for a week, get a hotel and rent a car.  it is not ideal but I want my kids to see their father and my kids want to see their dad.  Point being, in the words of Valerie Bertinelli.......you cant hate your ex (and his new wife) MORE than you love your kids.  You will have to end any arguing with your ex to get thru this and to come up with resolution for seeing him, especially in these tough economic times.        

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