HELP.. I am pulling my hair out. :(

Stacy - posted on 01/26/2012

It does suck...sounds a lot like my day....and I work full time. I wish I had some advice for you...but I feel like I could just crack at any moment myself....lol... my advice PRAY A LOT !!

Dusty - posted on 12/26/2011

I know it sucks, but welcome to motherhood. You deserve time to yourself, but it's probably not going to happen for awhile. Honestly, I get time to myself once every 6 months, IF I'm that lucky. Are there things that can be cut out of your schedule? Like working out every day for example? I know us women like to look good & feel good about ourselves, but maybe you could cut down working out to 3 or 4 days a week, or even 2 or 3 days a week. Also, the housework can WAIT. Dirty dishes can sit in the sink for a few hours, or even overnight. I know it's frusterating now, but eventually you will miss all of this. When the children are grown you are going to miss the hustle & bustle of every day. Also, remember that your husband is NOT you. He doesn't do things the same, so love him for who he is. You obviously married him for a reason, so try to remember what that reason is! I wish you the best!

Melysa - posted on 12/23/2011

it sounds like you need some outside stuff but something that is about you I felt like this last year I have 5 children aged 2 years up to 9 years 4 of them dance they all have swimming lessons 1 plays soccer and 1 plays hockey as for hubby he works up to 15 hours as a delivery driver so he is not here to help and when he gets home (just in time for dinner) he takes his meal and goes and eats in front of his computer and that is him until he falls into bed so he can be up again at 4 the next morning. this year I started my degree so after the kids are dropped at school and preschool I go to uni for the day make sure I am there for sports days and dance drop off etc but if the house is still messy from the morning the kids are to help tidy it up I do not search for washing, even the 2 year old knows that if it is dirty it goes in the machine and that dirty dishes go in the sink! my children are colour coded so that I know exactly who is being lazy and who needs to put their things away. as for your budgeting skills like my own hubby yours would probably be screwed if you handed the reigns over I only have to offer to get him to stop complaining at me when he tells me I have done nothing all day because the house is a mess I tell him that if he likes I can stop cleaning for a while and let him see how bad it would be if I did do nothing as he claims or that he could get up and actually help after the kids get to bed I have dishes to wash assignments to do washing to wash and hang or have ready for the morning and about 5 hours of sleep so I can run the gauntlet again the next day I am sure that one day my kids will be all grown up and have families of their own and maybe then they will appreciate all that I have done for them lol I think that your oldest may need to learn to cook even if it is something basic it is a great help to have children that learn to love cooking!!! but more seriously do not give up your time even if hubby does act as though you are asking him to recreate the universe you will begin to resent him and that is worse then an unfed child or some unfinished homework, best of luck with all that you do!

Susanne - posted on 12/22/2011

I forgot one thing. You have to comunicate. YOu should have a family meeting and tell everyone how your feel. If not a family meeting then at least with your husband.

Susanne - posted on 12/22/2011

I have 8 children with #9 on the way. 1 has moved out so I have only 7 to take care of right now. As soon as my kids turned about 11 or 12 years old they wanted to learn how to use the washer. I gladly showed them and as soon as they had gotten a hang of it, they were responsible for doing their own laundry. And those under that age have to bring me their laundry or it will not get washed. Believe me, if you have kids that don't want to be all dirty and wrinkly they will learn fast. Also if your oldest two are not mentaly delayed, like some of mine are you should not tell them to have a shower. You need to pick your battles. Let them be responsible for some of their own decisions and make sure that you let them have the full consequence. Do not shield them form real life consequences or they will grow up being lazy, selfish, spoiled adults. They need to learn that life is about doing your part.
I tell my kids that I am a Mom amd mom's are not slaves. If they have not done their chores they do not get supper until it is done. And if I get too much attitude, I refuse to use my time to drive them to their games, or what ever they are involved in or invited to.
Your oldest 2 are old enough to babysit your youngest. And they are also old enough to learn how to cook. I have some friends that have days of the week where each child makes supper. The child has to tell the mom in advance what they wish to make and the Mom makes sure that she has the ingredients, or you could take the child with you and help him/her pick out the groceries for what he/she wishes to make. We will sometimes have macaroni and cheese or canned soup suppers, other simple meals that my kids make. My 9 & 10 year old girls love to make supper all by themselves and I tell my husband in advance that they made it and he will tell them what wonderfull cooks they are and that makes them feel so good about them selves and makes them want to cook more. I had to tell him the first few times to brag up their food.
Have you tried going on dates with your husband? At first our kids didn't like the idea of my husband and I going on dates, but we explained to them that parents had to go on dates for their relationship to stay strong. And it would give us a rest and make us better parents and love each other more. Plus if you buy a movie or a game or something fun that they can do while your gone, they will not mind as much. I bought a movie a few weeks ago and told the kids that they can watch it when we go on a date, so they keep asking us when we will go on our date.
Sounds to me like you are a super mom that needs a break. If your husband and older kids won't babysit them find someone that will babysit and go for a day and just relax.

Sara - posted on 12/17/2011

Though I don't have all the things to do that you do, and only a 2 yr old daughter, my husband acts the same way. It's frustrating. I don't get to shower by myself, go to the bathroom by myself, I don't get any time to myself, because when he comes home, he doesn't want to "work". Well, hanging out with your daughter for a few hours so I can do something by myself isn't "work", it's being a parent. >< So I do understand where you're coming from. It's not fair. You deserve time to yourself or you'll go crazy.

Jocelyn - posted on 12/15/2011

Geeeez! Slow down before you crack, Wonder Woman! lol You are so sweet to understand your hub's needs to have his own time... but what about YOUR time?! Sounds like your oldest needs to have a couple more responsibilities to help you out. Your middle needs to have some sort of punishment for not listening, whether that be taking away privileges or tv time. But it sounds like the clarinet needs to be held hostage for a while. Hubs needs to have clear directions (like most men lol) of what you expect while you're gone. I agree with Jane... let him know you want him to feed the kids and facilitate the homework.

Sorry you're pulling your hair out, but my goodness, it sounds like you're doing a wonderful job... just make sure you don't lose yourself!

Britt - posted on 11/04/2011

dang sounds like you can be a single parent!! i would first sit down and have a talk w/ your dh about your concerns as you did all of us :)

i guess im lucky when i married a guy that works and we both give massages too and find our comfy zone at home. :) but after many talks and giving him that "look" has helped!

Sharlene - posted on 11/03/2011

Hi . It okay to ask for help , get the children to help around the house and washing and cleaning and yes even the 3 yr old could help ask your husband could do some chores around the house as well , and just tell I need help before I go CRAZY LOL , cheers

Jane - posted on 11/03/2011

Any possibility that you could take Saturday for yourself? Simply announce that you are taking a day for yourself and then go and do all the things you can't do because of having the kids around, and make sure to do some things for yourself.

My parents (who were married for 61 years) had a deal. My mom dealt with stuff all through the week but Saturday morning my dad would get up, make breakfast and bring my mom breakfast in bed with the car keys and her purse. She could then go do all the things she didn't get to do during the week.

And I agree that dinner and homework are parenting, but no kid died from missing an occasional shower. Cut your husband a little bit of slack, Tell him that the kids MUST have dinner on his watch, and that if he wants them to grow up to be successful, he had better make sure homework is done. However, if he wants to slack off on showers that is okay.

In our house we have a rule: if it isn't in the hamper I don't wash it. Folks age 12 and up are old enough to do their own washing so they have a choice. They can put it in the hamper instead of on the floor, or they can do their own laundry.

And I suggest you take custody of the clarinet so she cannot get it until she proves her work is done.