Roxy - posted on 06/18/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )
I have been dating my boyfriend for over two years and have known his children since early on in our relationship. They live several states away and he only sees them a couple of times a year so I can appreciate that he wants to do everything to please them and keep them happy while they are here. I also have a son that lives with his father but when he is with me he is expected to respect my boyfriend as the other parent in the household and if my boyfriend tells him to do something or not do something that's what is expected of him, no questions asked. I have never been able to do that with his children, however, and now it feels like it is just getting worse. So I need help and advice on how cope for the few weeks that they are visiting in the summer and winter.
Here is what happened last night that made me want to reach out:
A little background: his children are picky eaters, their mom only feeds them junk food at home and they eat all kinds of candy and junk food and soda at all hours of the day. In our house, we don't eat junk food and rarely even have it in the house.
Last night while we were having dinner, his 5 year old son said he wasn't hungry and he was too full to eat any more food. He had barel touched his food. My boyfriend told him if he didn't finish his dinner he wouldn't be able to have dessert (yogurt). His sister finished her food and my boyfriend said again that she could have dessert because she finished but he wouldn't be able to if he didn't. He didn't finish his food and left the table. A little while later, wen his sister sat down to eat her dessert, he wanted his. So I told him that he couldn't have dessert because he didn't finish his dinner. He got up, went upstairs, and told his father he wanted dessert. I heard my boyfriend ask what I had said and he told him I said no and then I heard his son whine that he wanted it but didn't hear what my boyfriend said. When he came back down he said his father said he could have dessert. So I asked my boyfriend if he had said it was ok and his response was (and he said this infront of his kids): "I am his father and if I say he can have dessert that is what goes. He is my son and I'm the one that says what he can and can't do." Of course both his kids looked at me and smirked like they know they don't have to listen to me. I felt hurt and disrespected. I didn't discipline him (I never would do that to his kids), I wasn't making up my own rules, I was just reiterating what he had said earlier. How do I deal with this for the next 7 weeks? Should I just stay quiet and refer them to their father every time they ask me for something? What about when I have to stay with them while he's at work? Does anyone have any advice or insight they can share?