How do you deal with seeing your ex in your child's personality and behavior?

Sophia - posted on 05/21/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My family is a blended family. My husband has a daughter (3) from his first marriage, and I have a son (5) from my first marriage. Our family has successfully gelled and our kids are best friends. The biggest challenge that we have in our family is seeing our ex-spouses influence and personality traits exhibited in our biological children. As a result, I am a much more patient and caring parent to my bonus-daughter than I tend to be to my son, and vice-versa. Both of our children are with us 5 days a week and with our exes during weekends. Somehow, the other parents' negativity and helpless attitude resonates deeper with our children then our positive, problem solving and empowering environment. What do you do when your child presses all the same buttons of agitation that your ex did/does? How do you stay conscious of the fact that your child is a unique individual and not a replica of your ex? How do you look for the things that are like YOU or your current partner and not look for the ways your child is like your ex?

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[deleted account]

You pretty much answered your own question. Stop looking for the ways they irritate you like your ex did. Remember, they are 1/2 you and 1/2 your ex, don't expect that because you and your ex are not together that the 1/2 that is him will disappear in your children.

Enjoy the children for the people they are and look for the positive about your ex in them. Believe me the positives are there. Maybe attach it to the exes siblings rather than your ex and it will be easier to swallow.

The negativity and attitudes would be there with or without your ex, that is just the way it is. But don't chalk it all up to your exes.

Just because it is a negative trait doesn't mean it came from your ex. This took me a long time to realize.

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