How do you deal with the families not being supportive

Shawna - posted on 08/10/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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So as of now my husband and I have 7 children and it has gotten so out of hand with his and my family and there reaction to the number of children we have that with baby number 7 we told the family after he was here. Yes thats right out baby was 7days old when the families found out! How do you deal with it? Its not like its there money that is being used to support these kids!

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Patricia - posted on 08/11/2010

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I understand completely! My dad wanted me to tie my tubes after my first baby, and his dad is always calling us stupid idiots everytime we get pregnant again. I actually lied before about getting fixed just to get them off our backs about BC. However, that back fired because now we are expecting #6 and DH did have his vasectomy in my second trimester and no one will believe us now :). Oh, well. I have had the rudest comments about doing nothing but baby-making (even though I am a college graduate and have worked off and on). I am a SAHM now as my kids need me more, but we own our home, my DH works steady, and we never ask for help. I now tell my family I simply dont want to hear it and if they cant restrain themselves, we do not need contact with them. That may seem harsh, but it is true. You don't need their comments either. If your families can't be supportive or at least act happy for you, then you don't need them in your life. It really would be their loss. Hopefully, they will grow up and get over it. Be warned, though, some will not. My dad didn't and I haven't spoke to him since he blew me off when I was in labor with #5.

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Amy-Marie - posted on 08/31/2010

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Bottom life, you raise your children so they can make a life of their own.. thats what u and ur husband are doing.. ur making a life of ur own.. if u guys can care and love and afford ur beautiful children then.... thats all that matters.. i know grandparents are important, but if they arent being supportive then its not worth the fight... simply say u dont have to understand it.. but.. respect this is our life and this is what we want.. either be apart of it or dont... but the choice is final.. i know it sounds harsh but.. this way they arent in and out of ur kids life.. they have to be either in it.. or out of it... its not ur guys fault n when ur children get older they will know it wasnt ur guys fault.. just be happy and make a healthy enviroment for ur children and sometimes that does mean... without extended family... but always try for understanding/respect first

Elva - posted on 08/27/2010

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Be proud of your children and stop trying to hide them! Not telling your family was worse in my opinion because it gave them a false confirmation of being right. Never ever be afraid of wanting and having more children! It's your choice and you can not live by what others will say because those kinds of people will always try to control you in any way they can. Time to grow up and be a united couple. If they don't want to be around you, then it's time to find new friends AND keep family events short and sweet. Been there done that. Had I been able to have more kids, we would have but only had 6. I didn't care when my closest family members would litterally plead with me not to have any more after the fourth one but I knew what I wanted and pushed it as far as I could and did!

Robin - posted on 08/23/2010

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I'm sure your families are just concerned for you, but they are really crossing the line and interferring. They may not get that though, and may not want to hear you tell them that. So what can you do? Not much about what they think or feel. Just love your children and live your lives the way you choose.

Gwennea - posted on 08/16/2010

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Don't worry about the families...the two of you married each other, not your families. They will come around eventually. My husband is 9 years younger than me adn walking into the relationship, I already had 4 daughters (he only had 1). Before we got married, we had a daughter together. Once his family realized the type of person I am, they stopped harrassing him about the way that they felt about me. So, don't worry about the families.

Judy - posted on 08/16/2010

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how far away do you live so you could get away with that??? and stay that far away :) my fam. was the same way when we had #7..... even friends were like "can't you fix that?" I ignored and stayed away from the family until the uproar subsided. then I went on my happy way. eventually they came to love my little ones. Pray that yours does too.

[deleted account]

Shawna, I also have 7. I was very discouraged with the reaction of my family when I told them I was expecting, and then my Dad and Grandma telling me after the birth, "Now, don't you think 7 is enough?"

It is difficult to deflect the negative comments. Just come up with some basic comebacks like "My hands are full of blessings," and work on organization to keep it all under control.

The Bible says that children are a reward, and blessed is the man who has many, (Psalm 27) so I would just find friends who support you and ignore the others. If you depend on God as Provider as well, the owner of the cattle on 1000 hills (Ps. 50:10), what can they say?

Kathy - posted on 08/13/2010

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If you guys are totally supporting all these children on your own then don't worry about waht they think. If they are providing the support even just sometimes then they have legitimate arguments. If you have that many kids then you should be able to support them on your own.

Rose - posted on 08/10/2010

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i am having the same problem, we want another baby which will make it number 6 but we are getting so much bad remarks that it is making me feel really bad,i think the best thing you could do is block these remarks or people put of your life and move on really with the joy of your own family.

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