How do you handle rude comments like...

Brandi - posted on 08/05/2009 ( 122 moms have responded )

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are they all your children? I hope you arent going to have anymore. You and your husband are done, right?



I am so sick of the stares and smart comments. I have 4 children 11,10,8,6 and a stepdaughter-10 who visits monthly. When we go to the mall, stores, even school meetings I hear something. My kids are well behaved with the occasional argument or playing in the store. It bothers me and sometimes I will have a smart remark like Yep these are mine and Im not done yet or why do you care, you are not taking care of them.



What are your experiences?

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Rebekah - posted on 08/16/2009

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Hello, When i was pregnant with my 6th child i was very reluctant to tell everyone (family included) as i knew from past experience what the reaction would be. Then after much thought I realised that this child was as much loved and wanted as any of my children and that we shouldnt be made to feel ashamed or looked down upon for doing the most natural and rewarding thing in this world.



My response to the usual "dont you have a t.v?" is to say yes,of course but what would you rather be doing watching t.v or "making babies"? I love to see the expression this creates as if they wished they had never asked.



and yes,children from larger families do tend to behave in a much better manner than those that arent.



At the moment i am feeling under pressure to tie my tubes which i believe is my decision to make (when and if i decide to) and if in the meantime we are blessed with another child it will be much loved and welcomed

Ty - posted on 01/03/2010

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Quoting Robin:



Quoting debra:

I have five children ages 15-13-12-6-1...when people say rude things like do you own a t.v ( HELLO i have 5 kids of course i own televisions ) Did you figure out what causes this ( Yup and love it 2 lol ) and my all time favorite .. you are done right? ( WHY DO YOU PAY FOR THEM ??? )






Sorry I am playing a little devils advocate here, i personally have a blended family and come from a large family, but only have 1 step daughter 1 son and one on the way, after that we are done.






Now I understand where you are comming from, all of you, BUT the question WHY DO YOUR PAY FOR THEM, is not fair to you who do support your children but AS TAX PAYERS, often people keep having kids they can not afford, and wind up on welfare WHICH EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the USA pays for with their taxes, whether or not they have kids at all. Now is that fair?






Quite frankly I think once someone is on government assistance and they do nothing to prevent further pregnancies, I dont think they should help them with that child, Im not saying they should permanantly get fixed or anything, Im just saying they should be on some form of birth control until they are better situated.






I am by no means trying to be racist, BECAUSE IM NOT, but in mexico, because of their beliefs, which I understand ( I personally believe in PREVENTING pregnancy, but not anything past that) they continue to have children in a poverty level country, which a lot have imigrated to the USA, but what do you think is eventually going to happen to the USA when we dont have the money to hand out at all anymore and we turn into a poverty nation??? They can not provide for these children and yet keep having them, and are now so poor that they can barely feed them or cloth them, and now are sucking our economy dry, but the same thing is happening here in america, people dont want to support their families and are having kids NOT because they want them and CAN support them but so they can get FREE money!






 






Like I said, its not fair to those of you who do support your own families that you get the stereo type, but that is why people automatically think that, CAN YOU BLAME THEM??? I really do understand, believe me, my grandmother raised her 10 bio kids in the middle of the great depression, and there were 5 boys and 5 girls, all the boys shared a bed and all the girls shared a bed, they often shared socks, etc, but yet she was catholic, which is the same situation as what I described above about not using contraception due to religious beliefs, but seriously, God made us people and gave us drs and what not that have invented contraception, if you got preggo EVERY nine mo, EVERY TIME YOU ovulated, you know how many kids EVERYONE would have, there isnt even enough land to accomodate that many people.






Sorry I kinda got long winded but I think I made my point. Just be patient, and even when others are rude and mean, show them what kind of a person you are and BE KIND, maybe even talk to them about it, help people understand because quite frankly people are tired of OTHERS being a drain on the economy, and Spending OUR tax dollars, for a free ride.





I disagree with you. It's none of anyones business if a person is on government assistance, and you don't have a right to ask those questions because you are a taxpayer. We aren't going to go bankrupt because some people have alot of kids and are on welfare. 



On the other hand, be careful at being rude when some people ask how you afford them. My mother asked people with large families this, not because she was fishing to know if they were on welfare, but because she was struggling and wanted to see how other people were doing it if she could barely manage. She was looking for advice.

Angela - posted on 08/15/2009

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Quoting Cheryl:

My favorite is: "Have you figured out what causes it?" (I'm expecting my 10th child next week). Here is my standard answer: "Well, we're not completely sure, but we think it may have something to do with sneezing." "Sneezing?" They ask incredulously. "Yes, sneezing. Because every time my husband sneezes someone says, 'God bless you!' and He does!"
Here's another standard answer that I love to say in reply to the question, "Don't you think your husband should get fixed?" "Why?" I ask. "He definitely isn't broken!"



My favorite saying is that we need to find a different hobby!!  We have 10 kids between us and get lots of strange looks.  One lady said we should have our own TV show, cuz they were so well behaved and acted politely in public.  She said she would watch us... LOL

Janice - posted on 08/05/2009

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A friend of mine made me laugh, she has 6 boys and got asked if all the children were hers. She replied, no im just going round the shops collecting random kids.



Ive found that people think once you have more than 3 it gives them the right to lecture you on contraception, sterilization, and anything else they deem fit. Someone i worked with commented i only wanted lots of kids for the state benefits (i felt like screaming hello, i work full time you silly cow!)



I have had comments on how well behaved my kids are. I took all 5 shopping today and they were well behaved and made very little fuss compared with some kids you hear.



My favourite reply is 'if you had kids as cute and well behaved as these, wouldnt you want more?' they cant argue with that x

Cheryl - posted on 09/05/2009

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Quoting Michelle:

I have seven children, and we aren't having any more. Sometimes I really wish we'd have at least one more, so when people make remarks about hoping we're done it kind of hurts. My decision to stop at seven definitely has NOTHING to do with not wanting more children, it has to do with my health while pregnant. If we had a surprise eighth I would be very happy!

I never ask women who are married without children when they are planning to have a baby, because you never know if they are suffering from infertility problems. Wouldn't that be awful to pour salt in that wound?? I don't know why people feel the need to pester me about my family.

I'm also extremely shy, and I hate being the center of attention, so usually I just smile and give one-word answers. Occasionally I will bust out with, "My grandfather told us we needed a TV in the bedroom, so we got one but it didn't help! Then someone explained we're supposed to turn it on..."

If people ask me whether I've ever heard of birth control I say, "Oh yes, but I don't take it because it keeps you from getting pregnant."

Once when someone asked if we knew "what causes that," my husband started explaining it to them. In detail. He's not shy!!

At my kids' birthday party last month the subject came up, and someone pointed out that seven is the Biblical number of completion, so I must have exactly enough kids. I liked that!


Soon after our seventh child was born, a minister (not ours) reminded us that seven is the number of completion. I quickly reminded him of Psalm 127 where God calls children a blessing and refers to them as "arrows in the hand of a mighty man". Verse 5 says, "Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them."  A quiver-full is considered to be 12 arrows. He smiled sheepishly and said nothing else.

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122 Comments

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Jennifer - posted on 10/19/2010

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I live in a rural area. Good old farm families! It used to be the norm to have a big family in this area, now they think you are crazy. Yeah, they get some new things, but I don't buy the first car, cell phones, or all the latest gadgits! The standard answer around here is "Get a Job!", My children are good students and the older 3 are upright citizens. I take the kid's success as my reward for having a close big family where you may not get spoiled, but you get loved!

Angelica - posted on 10/16/2010

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i have one daughter who just turned 2 i also have a stepdaughter and step son who are 3 and 2 everyone always assumes theyre all mine and they dont ask if im done they tell me things like "well i guess its nice to have them all close together and not have to deal with being pregnant and having to run after kids..." i typically laugh n say well im not done and im sure itll be an adventure but i understand what youre saying.
people are ignorant sometimes and can be very inconsiderate

Christine - posted on 10/13/2010

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LOL - I get the same thing! My husband has two boys from his first marriage, ages 15 and 13. We have three more children together: 5 y/o b/g twins, and a 4 y/o daughter. We get comments like the ones you mentioned all the time. Most of the time people are just uncomfortable or unfamiliar with the whole idea of a large family and just plain don't know what to say. That, and they can also be very careless with their words - which is what can be so frustrating. My blanket response is: "Yes, my hands are full, but so is my heart!" I just try to turn the comments into opportunities to teach these poor socially-inept people that large/blended families are okay, and yes, even normal!

Kimberly - posted on 10/10/2010

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I have had people ask these questions...I usually reply...in a whisper with a shocked look on my face "Are you inquiring about my sex life?" That usually shuts it right down. If it doesn't I tell them I am taking very serious "go forth and multiply"

Tonina - posted on 10/08/2010

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lol sweetie i hav 6 bios and 4 step kids when they were all smaller i used 2hav 2 take them shopping w/me girl bye when people saw us file in they gasped gapped tskd rolled their eyes wispered askd dumbbutt questions and made stupid coments they evn followd us around waitin 4 the chaos 2 break out! i always put them in single file line behind me yes all 10 from youngest 2 oldest they wer quiet as church mice we got the shoppin done would b wlkin 2 the car and 3 or 4 people each time would follow us out the door 2 the car n say when i saw u wlk in i just new there was gonna b chaos i didnt hear them c them nothin how on earth do u do it n y would u want 2? i would say look the Lord said b fruitful and multiply and 4 once i listend! as 4 them bein well behaved i did sumthing that clearly ur mother didnt i taught them manners and i set down the ground rules a long time ago and havnt had any issues since! they would apologize for bein soo rude and would say that was really rude of me and i applaud u for doin such a good job w/ur kids i cant even take my 1 kid out in public w/out a total melt down! REALLY? lol

Chesnie - posted on 09/22/2010

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I have never had anyone say anything to us about our 3 kiddos. I have our daughter and 2 stepsons. When we all go out, never have I heard any comments or had crazy looks. Maybe I am just not paying attention to the other people around me!

People are just rude and nosey..

Crystal - posted on 09/22/2010

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I know what all of you are talking about. I just have two. A girl and a Boy. I hate when people find out about them because then I get those snide remarks like " well you have a perfect set so your done now right?" I always get them though because I tell them "yes I have a perfect set but I'm far from done." When they hear I want at least two more I always get the Why thrown out there. My reply is "why not? Did God not make enough room on this earth for my children?" It usually shuts ppl up. I work with a woman who has 8 kids and they are awesome. I love how the older ones help with the younger ones. I came from a small family. Two brothers and myself. I hated being the only girl and always wanted a big family. And I don't care who says what but I figure if God only wants me to have my two then that's it for me...but if He has something bigger planned then who am I to argue. I will be trying for my third when I marry in 2012.

Faith - posted on 02/09/2010

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I have 1 and my family is doing the same thing to me just because we are a 1 income household. We most sertonly done we want atleast 1 more and my family is dont want us to have any more and i just ignore them and tell them they have no say on how many kids i have and when i have them. I know that that they wont change there minds

Beth - posted on 02/06/2010

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"do you know what causes that?" my answer is LaQuinta hotels, it throws them for a loop , the mom who pointed to one child and said only love that one !! i honestly laughed out loud!!!



youre not having any more are you , comment, just tell them you found out youre expecting triplets later this year, and walk away....

we have 5 at home , my oldests is 20 , he came with me to some doctor appts with me , after the twins were born , most assume hes the dad!!!! he laughed out loud at that one too...

Danielle - posted on 02/05/2010

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I have 4 kids 11, 10, 2, 1, a step-son who is 12, and just found out that I'm pregnant with my 5th. I have been thinking a lot lately about when I start showing, how embarrassed I might get. But after reading everyone's comments, I am reassured that I have nothing to be ashamed of. If people want to stare, let them. Of course it would be easier if all my kids were as well behaved as everyone talks about. My two oldest fight so much, I don't know what to do. I've always laughed off comments before and that's probably what I'll keep doing. It's easier than getting mad and being rude back (especially if the kids are listening).

Michelle - posted on 02/05/2010

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OMG !

I do not see where ANY part of my sex life is anyones business . I have 5 kids , just lost #6 [due 4-22-10, M/C 9-12-09] and preg again with # 7 [due 8-16-10 ]. We also have a neighbor kid living with us who is 16 whose mom hates him . We feed him , buy his toiletries , take him out as part of the family , etc .

One old lady I ran into once with my 5 and our adopted 16 year old neighbor kid asked the famous "are you getting fixed" Her husband thought he would be cute to chime in and tag team me with her and did my favorite one " have you figured out what causes that yet ? " Luckily , my hubby had taken all 6 kids to the toy dept and left me there with these 2 . I innocently replied " My hubby tried to get me to swollow this last time , but he got over excited " the old guy couldn't stop grinning after I said that and got elbowed by his wife !

Nakita - posted on 01/09/2010

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I have three children and have had people ask me if I was done cause it is not cheap aand my children are to spoil. How dare people say stupid things. I know I have three kids so why ask are you serious three children. If we are all happy then what different does it make, right

Teresa - posted on 01/07/2010

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I have two children from a previous marriage and two stepkids and we have one together. People say stupid crap like that to me all the time and I like to get mouthy and tell them we plan on having at least 3-4 more! Why the hell do they care? I don't get it either!!!

Lisa - posted on 01/07/2010

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I have 6: 19,18,15,11,9 and 7. We have had the same fair share of questions but also the same amount of compliments, total strangers coming up to me saying how well behaved they are, how nice it is to see someone with a big family, but one that just seems to keep coming up is what lovely manners my children have. Perhaps being in a larger family does help in manners/consideration of others?



The not so helpfull comments/opinions are tough on a hard day, sometimes i laugh them off but others do hurt. Reading the posts here it sounds like we all have had to TV line, Taxes/drain on society (i usually come back with well my kids will be the ones paying your pension) etc now and then i get on my soap box, it was my choice to have a large family, i have always worked full time and have a very successfull career so far. I hope that i have passed on this work ethic to my children but also the need for good education and above all impeccable manners. Usually at this point the 'helpful' stranger looks rather shamefaced.

Sheila - posted on 01/06/2010

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i married young (the first time) i was 18. and i got divorced when my kids were 6 months and 2 1/2, im only 24 and married again...i get the rude "why have you been married twice already?' like its thier business!! and befor i got remarried i got "do you kids have the same dad?" (i have two sons now 3 and 5) And yes, not that it matters but both my sons are the children of my first husband, people assume that because im young, i must have had kids with more then one man..and so what if i had, that to would of been my choice. And my new husband and I would love to have a baby together(it may not happen for us), and he and my ex get along great so i am a very lucky mom to have two men who love my sons, and who are both happy to be part of a two dad team. some people find it wierd, but if its functional and right for the kids, i say go for it!

Tammy - posted on 01/03/2010

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I have six 22,21,20,20,17& 16 but i did not give birth to all of them but they are still my children and when people make comments to me that i don't like i just ignore them because if someone don't like how many children i have to bad it is none of their business if others would mind their own business this world would be a better place.

Dawn - posted on 01/01/2010

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I have 6 kids so I get comments like "What? You have 6 kids? Are you crazy?" My response is "Yes I am crazy and I love it!!!" Not just anyone can take care of so many children. So the next time you get a comment like that tell yourself "basically they are complimenting me....telling me that they could never do what I do every day" For my own sanity this is how I look at it. Makes me feel better!!! Enjoy and be proud of those 4 kiddies! :)

[deleted account]

I have 6 children aged 11, 10, 7, 4, 3 and 3 months and I get those comments a lot. I just smile and say "Yes". I gave up caring about those comments after baby number 4 came along nearly 5 years ago and have found if you look and sound happy they just end up having nothing much to say. Too those who make rude or insensitive comments I just grin at my children and shrug my shoulders as if to say "oh well". If you have a particularly outspoken child then prime them with something to say back - that'll knock the socks of the best of them!!

Tammy - posted on 12/30/2009

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Dear Brandi,
I have nine children, and so I have been hearing comments like that for many years now. At first, I would let some of these comments get to me, even though I'm thankful to the Lord for all of my blessings. But now I realize, they bring me such joy that I now feel sorry for all those people that are missing out on what I have. So I want to encourage you to enjoy your children and be thankful for them and remember that you, as a minority in a world where children are seen as burdens, have a special blessing these other people will never be able to experience! Then when the negative comments or odd questions come your way, you can have a smile on your face as you answer them.

Also, keeping the answers very short helps. After my twins were born (numbers 8 and 9), people would ask (and still do), "are you done?" I simply reply that I don't know.

Diandra - posted on 12/30/2009

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That is so weird to me....I have 5 children. 3 boys and 2 girls. My girls are from a previous relationship, my two oldest boys are from my husbands first marriage and we have a baby boy, well he is 2. But I never get rude comments.....Everyone always tells us we need one more and I look at them in disgust. I love my children as I know you do....but you know some people always have to say something when really it is none of their business to begin with. Do what you feel is best for you and your family.

Mellissa - posted on 12/30/2009

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well im happy 4 u , ive got 5 all born in 6 years enjoy them all and b happy

Mellissa - posted on 12/30/2009

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i had 5 in 6 years , my husband had a vasectomy after the last one ,good thing he did or we would be over run by little people we love them all but hate the comments so thanks 4 the website

Mellissa - posted on 12/30/2009

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Quoting Brandi:

How do you handle rude comments like...

are they all your children? I hope you arent going to have anymore. You and your husband are done, right?

I am so sick of the stares and smart comments. I have 4 children 11,10,8,6 and a stepdaughter-10 who visits monthly. When we go to the mall, stores, even school meetings I hear something. My kids are well behaved with the occasional argument or playing in the store. It bothers me and sometimes I will have a smart remark like Yep these are mine and Im not done yet or why do you care, you are not taking care of them.

What are your experiences?



i have 5 between 9and 3 and we get all the time "are they all yours"  i just say yes , smile ,grit my teeth and walk away. when they are behaving its fine. my husband just grimaces grabs hands and runs the other way. it is so rude . i used to hear "OMG not another one" each time i got pregnant. both my sister and i have 5 each so its nothing new to us  who cares what other people think as long as u are satisfied with ur kids there is nothing like A LARGE FAMILY GROUP HUG remenber that . Other people dont have it as good as us. A WHOLE HOUSEFUL OF LOVE . dont get me wrong they do drive us mad sometimes but 5 pairs of arms and kisses all round make it all worthwhile . u gotta love em    good luck

Clara - posted on 12/26/2009

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i get the comments like u look so young to have sooo many kids,i reply with i am young i am 26! n the most mature 26 old i know! i can handle 4 kids plus a house while others r still trying to find out about life! plus i am young i can keep popping out babies! lol

Alisha - posted on 12/24/2009

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I know how you feel, I am a 22 year old single mother of 4 kids an the comments an stares do get really old really fast. I simply remind myself that I love all of my children an the only way those people can hurt me is if I let them. It takes alot of love an patience to raise that many children especially by yourself. But as long as we have our kids that's all we need!!

Kimberly - posted on 12/20/2009

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We have 6 (2 his, 3 mine and 1 ours). They range from 19 to 4. My favorite incident with them was when I was in the hospital having the youngest one. My parents, husband and 5 kids showed up to see the new baby at the same time. The nurse told them that only siblings were allowed in. Everyone chimed in that they WERE all siblings and marched past the nurse. It took her a few minutes to close her mouth!! ; ) Our kids are always VERY well behaved, and I actually get people asking WHY we stopped having kids. I tell them that if we were millionaires, we would never stop! Guess being from California is a little bit easier... anything goes here!!

Clara - posted on 12/20/2009

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Quoting Jennifer:

know what you mean!! i have 5 ranging ages 9, 8, 5, 3 and 19 months i come from a place which seems a bit short on the large familes cause all i get is 'youve stopped now?' makes me mad!!! no i havent stopped i want one more pref a boy as i only have girls!, the other one that really winds me up is 'think on all the money you are costing the tax payer in benifits!' it shuts them up when i say myself And my husband both work two jobs Each to keep our little brood so how is that me claiming benifits? i dont sit on my arse all day !!!



oomg i know what u mean!!! i get that too. i say i am a stay at home mom n then think what!? welfare?? nooo u see this big rock n wedding band = good husband working hard!!! has 2 jobs n both jobs once in a while can be done at home if i need him home like if a kid is sick.



 



some ppl don't think it is possible to be a stay at home mom n not get welfare! or to find a good man who will bust his ass 4 the money!



we manage perfectly fine! i don't need tax payers money! n u know what if 1 day i do my husband put in his time we DESERVE IT!

Jackie - posted on 12/20/2009

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I have three children. They are 11, 9,and 4 all boys. They are our foster children. My husband and I are both 25. We usually have at least two other tag along children with us. One of our kids is biracial. People are just determined that my husband doesn't realize he is not the same color as both of us. They assume the worse!! Really, people are rude and cruel.
I had a 60 year old biker couple ask me how many (out of 5 I had last year) were mine. I told her all of them...I told her that yes I do know how babies are made and that was why I was in a hurry to get home to see my husband. Even the leather pants and jacket and tatoos on this lady was no comparison for my comment she was floored!! I laughed so hard when I got in the car.
*******Remember never say anything out of the way in front of your children. Even though it is hard!!!
I had two old ladies who were in the grocery store only b/c it was senior citizen day ask me which ones were mine out of the 5 I had. They could figure out that the 4 year old with caps on his teeth and the front ones missing from his biological parents letting him develop bottle rot from drinking pepsi and mountain dew out of a bottle every day and every night. He had brown hair and brown eyes----he must be mine then!!
It is hard to explain to these people b/c I don't announce to everyone oh no they are just "foster" kids. They are just as worthy as any other child out there. My kids always get compliments on their manners at church and even this year in Christmas cards (not sure what was up with that).
The point is sometimes a glare, smart comment, or just plainly ignoring it works the best. Always think about your children.
If they have children ask them if they need help with theirs, since you are more experienced...they will usually turn and quickly leave. Especially, if they are older than you.

Eva - posted on 12/20/2009

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Quoting Angela:



Quoting Cheryl:

My favorite is: "Have you figured out what causes it?" (I'm expecting my 10th child next week). Here is my standard answer: "Well, we're not completely sure, but we think it may have something to do with sneezing." "Sneezing?" They ask incredulously. "Yes, sneezing. Because every time my husband sneezes someone says, 'God bless you!' and He does!"
Here's another standard answer that I love to say in reply to the question, "Don't you think your husband should get fixed?" "Why?" I ask. "He definitely isn't broken!"






My favorite saying is that we need to find a different hobby!!  We have 10 kids between us and get lots of strange looks.  One lady said we should have our own TV show, cuz they were so well behaved and acted politely in public.  She said she would watch us... LOL





 

Eva - posted on 12/20/2009

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hell brandi , i know what you mean i have 10 kids five boys 24,23,21,and three year old twins and five girls 19,15,14,8,&6 and let me tell you i get rude comments all the time from people eho eoukd not lift a finger to help if i needed it , i get like where are all there fathers i have two fathers , i used to get mad now i just say , is your childsupprt check coming in the mail soon if not i don't think it should matter to you that keeps them from commenting . or i'll say these were gifts from god they get stumped on that one so honey don't worry about what others say ,

Jennifer - posted on 12/19/2009

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know what you mean!! i have 5 ranging ages 9, 8, 5, 3 and 19 months i come from a place which seems a bit short on the large familes cause all i get is 'youve stopped now?' makes me mad!!! no i havent stopped i want one more pref a boy as i only have girls!, the other one that really winds me up is 'think on all the money you are costing the tax payer in benifits!' it shuts them up when i say myself And my husband both work two jobs Each to keep our little brood so how is that me claiming benifits? i dont sit on my arse all day !!!

Clara - posted on 12/19/2009

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yes i agree i rather live 4 my kids it gives me something better to live 4!!!!!!!!!!

Clara - posted on 12/19/2009

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my family is a huge family my grandma had 8 kids n my other 24 kids!!!! so my family liked the idea of me having more kids. i have 4 now. going for the 5th in 3 years.we want 6 to 8 kids

Clara - posted on 12/19/2009

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yes i have 4 kids as well n pretty much well behaved too...i agree with u i have cute kids,smart n good!! i wanna populate earth with kids like this!!! :)

Clara - posted on 12/19/2009

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i laugh when i hear those...n they r also from the same kinds of ppl the 1s with 1 child who looks all mean n lonely....n i laugh n say not every hates kids like u!

Cheyenne - posted on 12/09/2009

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I just really ignore them, as much as I want to say something. Its not any of there business and its not there right to say anything. I have 4 children all under 6 and I get it ALOT but I just kinda laugh it off and say God gave me what he knew I could deal with. And it takes a bigger stronger person to deal with more.

Cat - posted on 12/09/2009

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My husband and I have 9 kids together, people are always going to ask questions like that i think, because they really can't conceive the size of the family, I always laugh and say things like "we don't believe in television, or something like that.' Just remember if your happy, it dosn't really matter. Also its their problem not yours.
Good Luck

Kristi - posted on 12/08/2009

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Stephanie, I completely undersatnd the feeling. I have 5 children also. 12,10,9,7 from my first marriage and a 2 and a half year old with my dh. I have been wanting another baby since shortly after my youngest was born but my husband decided he didnt want anymore.(our daughter is his only biological child). He had an appointment for a vasectomy when she was about a year old and I got soo upset 2 days before that he cancelled. We didnt try to have another baby, but at times we didnt try not to either. I thought we had decided to actually try for a few months, but never did, then when she turned 2, he did go have it done. I still get mad at him and feel he disrespected me by not trying to have another baby. I also don't think it would have been fair if I "accidently" got pregnant. I am still very conflicted about the whole thing.Has anyone else gone through something like this? I don't want to be mad at him forever about this. Any suggestions??

Stephanie - posted on 12/04/2009

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I have 5 kids..the oldest is 8 1/2 and the youngest is 2 1/2 months...I've heard it all... It is worse when it comes from old biddies at the family reunion that are one of 11 kids and they went on to have 6 of their own , but they say something to me like don't you think you have enough yet . the last time I actually responded rudely and walked away. I told her as long as I take care of them, my husband and I support them., we don't ask them for anything, so it isn't their business. I actually thought about getting sterilized after this last one, but I decided that at 28 years old I am not ready to decide that I never want to have another baby, and that is my choice to make. As I was riding in the car to the hospital to have my son, all I could think about was never having that feeling again....never feeling a baby grow inside me again...all the never agains and it made me cry....so I decided that I just wasn't ready for the never again decision

Rebecca - posted on 11/30/2009

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I have heard comments so many times. We hav six. At one point when I was asked if they are all mine, I said, "Well, no. They all came from me and my husband." When asked if we plan to have more, I just tell people that is all up to God. I have heard SO many times how I must have my hands full. I tell them, my hands are only full of love. My children have the normal sibling rivalry, but the love they have for each other always shines through. Funny, three of them have asked me if we are going to have more!! Sometimes when people make comments, it is hurtful and rude. I have also had many people compliment me on my children and being blessed. No matter what people say, just take a deep breath and remember what a blessing you have with you family.

Victoria - posted on 11/22/2009

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oh i have had people downright ask me if my husband and i know what birth control was.... we have 5 kids 11,9,4,3,and 1... people these days just dont believe in big families anymore.. look at how many people in the US dont even want any b/c they want their own life.. keep your head up it is not for us to judge them.. they will get theirs

Eva - posted on 11/21/2009

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Quoting Janice:



Quoting Pamela:

I have 5 kids (twin girls 11, two more girls 8 &4, & boy 6, step-son 9) I had the twins when I was 16 & ever since I have recieved cruel comments even from my own family. I was pressured into getting my tubes tied in 2005 and have regretted it everyday since. Now when ppl ask if they are ALL mine I smile and say yes, also it doesn't hurt to have well behaved kids in public.





I just read your post and realised your the same age as me. I have had people (family included) try and convince me or my hubby to get steralized. I just wanted to send you (((hugs))). There is nothing worse than regret, especially when its something youve done due to pressure.






Janice x





We have 4 boys, 17,15, 11, and 5. The youngest one is 'ours' and the other 3 are mine. My husband loves them all though and agrees with our 11yr old that he got his blue eyes from Daddy.  We are so blessed. The sad thing is, not only do I get those nasty comments from strangers, but from family too. When I was prego with number 4, my mother-in-law told me I should "set up my apt to get my tubes tied right after I had the baby." I was shocked. This was her first grandchild! Ever since then, she hints my husband needs to get snipped or I do. It's not only hard when strangers are rude but when family is, it seems almost unbearable. For a time there, I actually contemplated it, but I'm happy that I haven't. I've had 4 miscarriages along with my 4 boys so we are hesitant to "try" again. If sometime in the future we are blessed with 5, it will be a happy day! If not, it is still a happy day!  For now I will find strength and comfort in your stories and not do something, I may regret, under pressure. Thanks Brandi for reminding us that we are not alone in this. Having a big family is nothing to be ashamed of because a large family is a blessing and well worth the handwork!

Eva - posted on 11/21/2009

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Quoting Janice:



Quoting Pamela:

I have 5 kids (twin girls 11, two more girls 8 &4, & boy 6, step-son 9) I had the twins when I was 16 & ever since I have recieved cruel comments even from my own family. I was pressured into getting my tubes tied in 2005 and have regretted it everyday since. Now when ppl ask if they are ALL mine I smile and say yes, also it doesn't hurt to have well behaved kids in public.





I just read your post and realised your the same age as me. I have had people (family included) try and convince me or my hubby to get steralized. I just wanted to send you (((hugs))). There is nothing worse than regret, especially when its something youve done due to pressure.






Janice x





We have 4 boys, 17,15, 11, and 5. The youngest one is 'ours' and the other 3 are mine. My husband loves them all though and agrees with our 11yr old that he got his blue eyes from Daddy.  We are so blessed. The sad thing is, not only do I get those nasty comments from strangers, but from family too. When I was prego with number 4, my mother-in-law told me I should "set up my apt to get my tubes tied right after I had the baby." I was shocked. This was her first grandchild! Ever since then, she hints my husband needs to get snipped or I do. It's not only hard when strangers are rude but when family is, it seems almost unbearable. For a time there, I actually contemplated it, but I'm happy that I haven't. I've had 4 miscarriages along with my 4 boys so we are hesitant to "try" again. If sometime in the future we are blessed with 5, it will be a happy day! If not, it is still a happy day!  For now I will find strength and comfort in your stories and not do something, I may regret, under pressure. Thanks Brandi for reminding us that we are not alone in this. Having a big family is nothing to be ashamed of because a large family is a blessing and well worth the handwork!

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Well, I have 7...now that there are 2 in the house old enough to babysit, I don't get it as often, b/c I will go out alone or with just 2 or maybe 3. When I was pregnant with # 7 it was just beautiful when I would be asked, "Is this your first?" (having lots of kids keeps you looking young too :)



If they say "You've got your hands full," I respond, "Yes, they're full of 'blessings'." I got the tv comment once, and my dh got it just the other day. I think he gets more flack for it than I do, being a sheltered, homeschooling mom. Some say we're crazy (including my mom), but we explain how it gets easier as the older ones can help out. So it is in fact easier now than when I only had 3!



My key for keeping a sane life is not living like the rest of them. Our activities involve most of the kids, or I don't do them. My best response is always..."By God's Grace!"

Vicky - posted on 11/19/2009

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i know exactly what you mean i got 3 boys and 1 girl the amount of time people have assumed they must have different fathers because im young i always get asked your not having anymore r u the bext 1 is when people who have 3 kids ask me and im like i have only got 1 more than u so whats the difference

Roni - posted on 11/16/2009

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Oh yeah... we plan to adopt 1 or 2 more someday too. My life would be so empty without my family!

Roni - posted on 11/16/2009

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Personally I like to throw comments back at them. My hubby and I have a total of 10 together and I bought little stick people to put on the back of my van because I'm a proud momma! I actually posted a pic of my back window on my Facebook.

It's hilarious to see and hear people's reactions to it.

"Ten kids! You have 10 kids?!?!?!" Yep, I sure do :)

"Tell me you're a kindergarten teacher..." LOL, nope they're all ours :)...

"Haven't you figured out what causes that?" Yep and we like it :)

"Obviously there's a lot of love going on at your house." Oh yeah, never a dull moment :)

Then there's those I've seen taking cell pics when stopped behind me at a stoplight or those who stop to count when walking past in a parking lot. Bet they all try to figure out how I stuff them all into a minivan! BTW... my hubby drives a 12 passenger E350 so we can get them all in, just not in my rig. LOL

[deleted account]

Thank you for the question and responses! They have made me feel better ona rough day. I have four children (14, 12, 11 and 18 mo.) and am pregnant with my fifth. We waited to tell family and friends because I just didn't want to hear it from people. I heard enough when I was pregnant with my fourth. Some days it is hard to let it roll off your back, but my kids are what is most important, right? My mother's first question was how will you afford it. We have never received a gov't handout and our kids need for nothing. Apparently, it is still a concern to to others though. My mother-in-laws forst question was will one of us get fixed now. I didn't know we were broken. Seems like everything is working fine! It seems like no one is truly happy for us. How about a little happiness for another beautiful soul entering our lives? Oh, well.

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