How to deal with my Ex's new controlling wife

Mel - posted on 07/27/2012

I think your anger is directed in the wrong direction. Its not her. She may influence him but he is a big boy. If he chooses to be this way it is his choice. He is in control of himself. The person you should be angry at is him. I understand it wasn't like this before hand. If he was a strong man, he would have told her how things were and stuck to his guns. My children come first. My relationship with my ex is what I want it to be.

Ashley - posted on 04/26/2012

You need to meet up with her and talk to her, this is only going to cause resentment on there relationship. Things will change holidays will probably be diffrnt as she probably has a family who she will want to see as well. I would phone her and ask her to go to coffee with you get her to understand that your happy they found each other and you dont want to negativly effect there relationship but there has to be some lines of communication, if email is not ok calling when necacary then. try to compermise and remember she just had a baby and shhe would not feel like this if he was doing what he should be. Patience and understanding will get you through this.

Tammy - posted on 04/26/2012

It sounds like his new wife is very insecure. Unfortunately, there is not really a whole lot you can do to change the situation when you are dealing with adults. If your children are grown adults, why are they not responsible for their own medical bills, etc? I was just curious because it sounds like your ex-husband wants the relationship with your children, but does not want one with you. If your son needs financial help, as an adult, he should be the one to confront his own dad and ask for help to pay for his bills. I think that is where the friction is coming from on their end? I think it is important to be civil to one another after a divorce, when there are children of any age involved. However, expecting your ex to still care about a relationship with you is just not realistic. As difficult as it is, you are probably just going to have to let go. What happened in the past is over. This does not mean you need to stop being civil, but maybe your grown children can be more forward and ask for things themselves.



My husband's parents divorced when he was about 10 years-old. His mother never remarried and is happier living alone. His father remarried a few years later. His new wife is very opinionated, and my husband did not get along with her at all. She made it very obvious that she comes first, and so do her kids. They get together with her side of the family often, and leave my husband out. We see his dad only a couple of times a year. My husband's mother is very sad at how things have turned out, but she left it up to my husband as to what relationship he would have with his father. His parents remain civil for the children. We are all able to get together at the children's birthdays, concerts, etc. But, it has taken a lot of years for this to take place. How recent was your ex's marriage to the new woman? It may just take some time for his new wife to feel more secure in their relationship before she can let go and allow you to be a part of the picture. It may also take some time for you to let go as well. It sounds like you may have some bitter feelings because of the new wife's age, and having a baby with him. You may think you are okay, but you are human, and it hurts. I think you just have to focus on your kids, and being the best mom and grandma you can be. Allowing their bitterness and hurtful actions to prevail only prevents you from being strong for your kids and grandkids. Best of luck.