I have a 14 yr old step daughter that is disrespectful towards me and her father she thinks that rules do not apply to her and that she should get to hang with druggies and losers and not be told she cant!! What do we do she has ran off 2 times and is now with her aunt until the end of school which is not a good influence either... i am two clicks from saying i am out... i have been married to my husband for 8 months and with him for two years we have rules in our house and she defies everything is a habitual liar if caught she blames everyone but herself and she hates them..... Please help......

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Rachel - posted on 03/13/2009

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But where is the line between loving them & forgiving them and being the doormat. Her parents are both interested more in being her friend & treating her like an adult & I have more tried to raise her as my own & be the parent! I feel like I'm working for what's best for her against her parents??? I have forgiven her time & time again & resolved to start over each time she comes, but each time she causes my little ones danger & a bad influence so I feel torn between her & what's best for my own. She wasn't protected from her older brother & that's part of why she is where she is...I am a Christian & do not believe in giving up hope on a child, but I can see this vicious cycle continuing through to my kids!

Wendy - posted on 03/11/2009

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I was one of these teens, and now I am a mother to one. I am also a nurse who has clinical experience with this issue. There are destinct differences from one case to another, kind of like babies and pregnancies not one is the same. Like Robin Williams said in the movie "Night at the Museum" "Whose evolved?" We as adults have to maintain control, as soon as we lose it they know it and run wild with it. In any successful relationship there absolutley MUST be respect, even if it's only on your part. Respect is learned and in most cases the kid who is out of control has no idea how to give it. I came up in a world where I had no idea what respect was, but when removed from my situation and placed with people who practiced it, I learned how valuable it was. Be patient, and most importantly don't give up! They may lead you to believe that is what they want, but in many situations they are testing you, are you gonna leave too? That's how they have learned to protect themselves, if they hurt you first then that leaves little room for you to hurt them. When you as a step parent chose thier parent as a mate, you chose them as well. That is no small committment, as adults we are charged with the responsibility of leading and parenting that child regardless of what todays culture leads us to believe. Reality is reality, they live in your home full time or part time, you are a mentor. Above all else, your relationship with your spouse MUST be indestructable, there cannot be an opening for them to pit the two of you against one another. Thats where couseling becomes mandated, this is usually where the weakest link resides. I am a Christian and believe my faith in God saved my family, you might be suprised at what you can find in the principles that are taught in faith based settings. They are pivotal in positive outcomes. That being said I will pray for you and your family, that Gods will be done, and that each and all of you might find peace in yourselves and one another.



Blessings, Wendy K. Froggatte RN

Sandy - posted on 03/04/2009

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This may sound lame, but it has worked for several of my parents on my caseloads as well as family members families......

Learn & Use the "Love & Logic" Parenting Techiques. These techniques are so easy to use and teaches them accountability. Check local schools and Social Service agencies for classes in your area. They are usually free, and so well worth the time to attend. You can also go to Loveandlogic.com and order CD's and books on the parenting style. I have seen so much success with parents using these techniques, that I am a solid fan of them. I have been referring parents to these classes and techniques for over 6 years now. I attend classes every other year, to stay caught up on newest techniques. we are fortunate enough to have our school and counselors in the area teach classes 2-3 times per year, and we are a very rural area. Get ready to sound like a broken record and syaing "That;s so sad" and "I'm so sorry you made that choice". The idea is let them teach themselves through naturals consequences. Example being: Kid getting bad grades at school. This usually bothers the parent more than the child as parents think it is a reflection on them. Instead, with love & logic, you don't harp on them about it, just set you standard house rules for everyone, and hope the kids mess up, because this is how they learn. The grades are reflections on them, not the parents. When they are held back 1 or 2 grades and everyone is so much tounger than they are, who are they going to blame???? Themselves! Remember, the grades are theirs, not yours to fight to get them up. I particularly recommend the CD's Hormones & Wheels for teenagers. SO MUCH LOGIC In THEM!!!

Michelle - posted on 03/03/2009

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I am a Social Worker in Virginia so I am going to give you a bunch of different options. Keep trying until something works. Have you tried counseling? Another option is to talk to the local social services for options. In Virginia you can get a Petition from the court to get some assistance for her. If she won't listen to you maybe she will listen to a judge. Sounds like she needs serious consequences to her actions. Unless you want to lose your husband don't give him an ultimatum, work with him to help the child. Children know when you are invested in them and react to us. Also look up Intensive In Home Counseling in your city. Depending on your insurance it could be at no cost to you. The Counselor will come to your home and do the sessions with your child. Sounds like she is testing you also, if you stick with her and let her know that you are there for the long haul thing might take a turn for the better. Good luck!

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Kayleen - posted on 03/17/2009

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Quoting Tracie:

I have a 14 yr old step daughter that is disrespectful towards me and her father she thinks that rules do not apply to her and that she should get to hang with druggies and losers and not be told she cant!! What do we do she has ran off 2 times and is now with her aunt until the end of school which is not a good influence either... i am two clicks from saying i am out... i have been married to my husband for 8 months and with him for two years we have rules in our house and she defies everything is a habitual liar if caught she blames everyone but herself and she hates them..... Please help......




Yes i know what you mean it is so hard, i have a step-daughter and she is only 5 going onto 6yrs next month. She is very disrespectful when she comes over every second weekend and gets my daughters into trouble sometimes and allways gets what she wants and my husband to be her dad gives her what she wants and thinks that if he doesn't she will stop loving him she has no respect for any of us and it gets me upset every second weekend becuase she puts on a turn until she gets what she wants. My daughters have to have respect for all of us in this house so i don't see why she carn't. I hear your pain my dear they know how to work other people just to get what they want it is just beyond a joke. I am so inlove with my husband to be i am not going to let a spoilt child wreck my love. I hope that all gets better for you it is so hard hang in there and love your husband because i know you would as i do mine. Good luck dear!

Antonnia - posted on 03/13/2009

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Rachel I think that you can forgive but don't forget. We as Christians still have to be wise and raise our children in the way thy should go. They know when they are putting a wedge between yall. They want to do that to get their way. Stop them stress you. Sit back and just raise your children. Let them deal with the mess that they created. As long as she don't disrespect you any longer.That is your house!!! You have the right to tell the father...... this is my house too and my children live here. I will not tolerate this in my house at all. If she can't get with our my rules then she has to stay with her mother and only visit until she can abide by the rules. Keep your children soooo busy that they aren't around to pick up anything from her when she visits. I know first hand because I have multiple family members and my kids try to disrespect my husband at times but they can see that it will not work because I jump on it immediately. You and your husband should be one and noone can put a wedge between you.

Wendy - posted on 03/12/2009

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I was reading my bible study this morning and what it said was stunningly relevant to this issue.



When a person is freezing to death, he feels a pleasant numbness that he does not want to end. He just goes to sleep as he is freezing to death. But when heat is applied, and the blood begins rushing into the affected areas, pain immediately occurs. Though it hurts, the pain is indicative of rescue and cure. God sends a prophet to people who are cold in their relationship with God—spiritually freezing to death—though they want to stay that way. The prophet turns the heat on, and they become angry with him when he is actually working to make them better. He is often accused of causing their pain.



There is always going to be hardship when we are changing for the good.



When we act in grace, and kindness, it leaves them little room for judgement thus removing that knive that they inevitably throw at us.



My parents didnt care wether I lived or died, ate or starved, bathed or was dirty. They just simply didnt care. I see now why they were so absent, because they had problems much greater to deal with within themselves. That's no excuse but it is the reality. My grandmother, Aunt Fernie, and Uncle Denny chose to make the sacrifice and commitment for little ol' me. I had "0" self worth, and all the sudden here are 3 people fighting the devil himself to save "me"! They had weekly "bitch" sessions (pardon the language)so we could air and openly discuss our issues....and I earned all my privelages because they taught me that those things come when I am ready, and that meant personal accountablilty and responsibility. This alone earned my total and complete respect for them. My aunt lives a mere 200 yards from my front door to this day. My grandmother passed in my arms while I  and my family sang her amazing grace. To this day my heart aches for her, that was in 2003. My uncle passed the same, all of us at his side, walking him out to be with Jesus. I say this to prove to you that if it were easy everyone would do it......that no it will not come to pass quickly if at all. Faith alone will give you the answers to this if you allow it. These individuals saved my life, and trust me when I say that my past is one thing that only God and I know all the details of. I am not proud of those lost years in my youth, but I know if I was saved, anything is possible. They would often look at me in these past years and say "God is good" for they knew from which I came. Their commitment to me bought them my complete and lifelong committment to them. I never left their side, because they never left mine.



 Remember that with your spouse, your attitude is catching. My 2 oldest adopted children (my bonus babies) nearly tore us apart, I approached them just the same way I approached the children that I gave birth to. If you are a part of my life, then expect nothing less then my complete resolve to raise you up as my own. This meaning I will whip your backside when you need it, I will kiss your forehead when it's ablaze with fever, and I will be the loudest mama cheering in the bleachers, and the one crying the loudest when I am overcome with pride at your success. I will never give up, regardless. That was the choice I made when I married Jared, and I was going to remain committed to Jedd and Nina wether he stepped up to the plate or not. He came as 3 not as 1! We survived a war, nursing school, (at the same time) a farm fulla cows, and 4 kids ages now 7-10-16-17. It was bar none the hardest thing I have ever done, and I am now so thankful to God that we made it. My husband came around, so have my kids for the most part. It took a long time though, but I INSIST that it required all of me, thus that is what it will require of you. If you cannot forfiet your pride and your own desires for the time being, then better to walk away now and save all of you the hastle. I agree with the lady above on the most part, you are committed to be their leader, not their friend....but this can be done in grace. Remember (and oh baby this was the hardest part for me) in order to recieve forgiveness from God, we must forgive those who tresspass against us. Once you have set your mind in grace, it will be vary hard for anyone to come against you. God be with you and my prayers remain steady for your strength and discernment. Blessings, Wendy



See 1 Corinthians 13:4-10 "the love verse"

Antonnia - posted on 03/11/2009

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Tracie honestly I am on the other side of the situation. I have 2 boys 13,12 and a daughter 11. I am currently married but they all aren't my husbands children. The respect has to come starting with their own parents. If the father doesn't establish that then they will never gain it for you. Tere has to be respect regardless. Any issues that you and your husband have then never discuss in front of them and never let them see you two disagree when it comes to punishments or etc. You may have to cut off things until she gains you and your husband trust. At the end of the day you and him are still responsible for her. Counseling will help but get her active in somethings that will limit her interactions with negative friends. We have to be wiser than they are. I do think that every household is different and people are different. You can not deal with every child the same. Don't give up right now because that is what they want you to do. Dig into her behind!!! We have no room to be just their friend. We have to be the parent first.

Di - posted on 03/11/2009

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Wendy, wow, I am so speechless.............. what an absolute truth you have just written!

Rachel - posted on 03/10/2009

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Good article...Thanks for posting. I haven't tried to appease my step daughter but her father does...he always indulges her when she comes to stay with us...to make up for lost time & he gets irrate if I try to point this out to him that he's not helping her because her mother indulges her too.

Erin - posted on 03/10/2009

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have faith the more my moms new husband set standards the more I rebeled and then I relized one day that if I wanted to be part of the house hold I would have to adhear to the house rules.... even if I wanted to visit her at her house I would have to dress and speak with respect. eventually your daughter will relize you mean busness but only if you mean what you say everytime if you let it slide to let her in the house dressed inaproperetly or swear- be disrespectful to you or household members it doesnt work have a posted rule board and sigh a contract with each other what she wants from you in return for proper behavior in the home...all teens want freedoms of their own what is it that she wants... hot food, nicer clothing, time with her dad by her self, money to shop with friends... rules need to be good for everyone. she is choising friends who excepet her how she thinks she will be loved the most. she is forgeting that she is loved no matter what by her family good luck finding a way to make it work for you and your hubbie... me and mine finally made it 10 years this may,,, last december we were not making it ... the house was a mess our three kids had no rules but to play and have fun... now we have respect rules and mom dad and kids try to earn ten points everyday... some are silly like making someone, in the house, smile and some are chores, go to the bathroom and verify its picked up before dinner and before bed. it took us many tryed to get a system that functioned for us... and we tryed lots but respect is the best motivater we have for us... and we had a 15 boy, 13 girl in and out of the house now they are on their own and holding a relationship with our 7,5,4 year olds they have to be the role modles for our family as well as me and my husband take lots of work and learning about what motivates each member of the house hold , words of encouragement, hugs, rewards, social outings, time spent one on one. and more hope you find some happiness for yourself and you kids. elee

Di - posted on 03/09/2009

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O isn't that always the way. People pay you to give advice and he doesn't want it for free. What an silly man. No wonder you know about the PAS thing. But wouldn't it he be admitting there was a problem if he needed your advice? They should just fix the kid and stop worrying about what it looks like. This really does my head in with the stupidity. They aren't being good parents and it's the kids that suffer. My sd's are being verbally abused by their step father and when I tell my hubby he has to step in and do something he makes excuses such as o that was last christmas. No it's been going on ever since he moved in there you don't listen to your daughters. OK says he I will ask them next time I talk to them if it's still going on. He rang them yesterday but forgot to ask. Come on, your daughters are in trouble and by not doing anything you are enabling him and you are just as responsible for the abuse. Same goes for the bm. He doesn't get it.

Amanda - posted on 03/09/2009

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Amen Di!  Wanna know something crazy?  I AM an expert in child rearing.  I am a psychotherapist who specializes in small children and parenting solutions.  Problem is, my husband feels threatened if I make suggetions so my OWN household is in shambles  =( 

Di - posted on 03/09/2009

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Don't you just love it Amanda......sounds like the same crap they expect me to swallow. Sorry choked on it along time ago. Isn't it funny how so much 'sound' advice from the husband is just a load of bs? Used to guilt us into thinking we aren't good enough or that there is something faulty with us! Like they are experts at child raising.....yeh right. Please leave your disrespect at the door, don't bring your mothers crap in my house. If only the men would have the guts to say it. I really believe that doesn't matter wether parents are together or not, what is in the child's best interest should be done no matter what. When did it come in that as parents don't upset your kid, don't make them angry etc? How did that come about? Your still the parent raising the child but in a different way. If you were still with the bm then wouldn't you want your child to be well mannered? Would you have tolerated their bad mouths etc? The answer of course is no they wouldn't so why allow it now just because your not with her? The child still needs a father to be a father. Sorry, am having a hard time right now, and I wish my husband would get it.

Amanda - posted on 03/09/2009

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First of all, bless you all- I am sad (yet glad) to see I am not alone in my nightmare of 2.5 years.  Please dont assume that "its the age" or that "only girls" have these issues.  Teenagers are capable of behaving in a civilized manner, even if they have intense emotions and attitudes at times.  I have three teenaged stepchildren, two girls and a boy, and we have had definite PAS problems, but my husband has also been manipulated by his kids.  He says things like "you need to treat them with respect if you expect  them to respect you."  This is his response to their complaints after I ask them to put their shoes away. . . "Please"   We've had violence and daily have disrespect and negative influence on my daughter (who has had NO discipline problems).  I deeply respect those of you who have been able to stand up to your husbands- I have had a hard time with that even though I am a "strong woman."

Di - posted on 03/06/2009

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Tracie, I am in the same position as you. Perfect little angel cant do any wrong etc etc. The truth is that the dad's are struggling too. They see it but to acknowledge it would mean that they would have to do something about it. Whilst she hates you, she isn't hating him is how he would see it, just like my ex. Unlike you though, my sd lives with her bm and I recently read the PAS thing and think, it's all too hard, and I really don't have a hope. My sd's diary got exposed here last time b/c my toddler got it out and hubby read it. It was in black and white that the girl has a problem with me, but apparently its still my fault. Any wonder why 2nd marriages break down at an enormous rate??????

Lydia - posted on 03/06/2009

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I hate to say this but honestly...it is the age :(

My husband and I have been married for a year and a half and our soon to be 15 year old daughter (next week) is EXACTLY the same way.

We went through the same changes back before the wedding and ended up letting her go stay with her grandmother for 6 months...not really the best choice.

As irritated as I get with her...it really comes down to psychological issues from her missing parent.

Is she your's or his?

We have two daughters and five sons. The daughters are the oldest and they have given us the most issue. Patience and prayer really is the only way we have been able to stay sane...stand firm to your rules but don't drive yourself crazy trying to force her to follow them.

Do you have the rules/consequences in writing? We found that by doing that, and making each child sign off that they understand the rules helps. No, it doesn't eliminate them but it does help when going through the consequence process. We start with "Do you think that was the right decision?" and move on from there, bringing out the written rules.

One thing that you don't mention is if you and your husband are on the same page with rules and expectations?

Rachel, I am so sorry to hear that you and your husband have separated...it saddens me to see that the 16 yr old has gotten what she wanted. Our oldest daughter (his) spent much of our first 2 years together trying and trying to break us apart. She would cry, throw a fit, yell that she hated me...break any rule she could get away with and then cry to her dad that it wasn't fair and I didn't like her. It was quite a struggle in the beginning for me but it is something that in the end we were able to come to a happy medium. Being the step parent is difficult, it sounds like your step daughter have gone through many of the usual issues (I didn't think they were normal until I started going through them and found out how many others were struggling?!) The difference is how you and your husband react. You must be united. You must be consistent. You must show love no matter how angry you are.



Okay, I am definitely no expert so I will get off my soapbox.

I pray that something I have said helps...if nothing else to remind you that you are not alone ;-)

Tracie - posted on 03/05/2009

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He doesnt want to admit the kids have issues he just as well avoid making them mad at him and go on no matter how they talk to me or treat me... his kids have called me everything but my name. shoved me, threatened me, and nothing happens.... no consequences no nothing....

Angie - posted on 03/05/2009

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Does your husband agree that she is disorderly?  You can voluntarily put her on probation with your local Juvenile Courts or the next time she runs off, don't try to find her just call the Police to do it for you.  They will deal with her and then she will be mandated to follow the rules or end up in Juvenile Detention Center.  GOOD LUCK!!

Sandy - posted on 03/04/2009

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I could not agree more with the counseling for all family members. Having a mother in prison has got to play heavily on their self esteem and the disobedience could be coming from that. Ask the counselor, whichever ones you call, if they can help teach Love & Logic Parenting techniques. Most counselors can.

Sandy - posted on 03/04/2009

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Quoting Kerri:



I would strongly suggest counseling for both daughters and  the father - together and separate.  With their mother being in jail they should see the results of their actions but some kids just dont get it until it is too late.  The first step I would take would be to contact the juvenile court system and see if they can suggest a counselor or family mediator that will help your family.  They may have a few good ones, if not, start in the yellow pages. Then I would suggest you initially meeting with the counselor, along with any other friend or family member that can support you in giving details about your situation.  Make a list before you go of examples of things they have done and their father's reactions.  Counseling is costly but there are mental health centers that may be able to offer free services.  If you get nowhere with that then try the school counselor.  She may be able to give you some advice.  They are very well educated on how to deal with these issues.






Tracie, I know this is frustrating and you are probably past ready to pull your hair out.  I completely understand.  However, it only takes one sane person, who has a grip on reality,  to fix a crazy situation.   You might be the one person in these girls lives who can actually make a difference for them.    It sounds like the 14-year-old is angry and is intent on making everyone around her pay.   A lot of kids from divorced families feel this way, and she has the issue of her mother being in jail, drugs, etc. on top of that.  I wish you and your famiy the best of luck!





 

Rachel - posted on 03/04/2009

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We went to a family night at our church a couple of weeks ago & the Teen Pastor talked to the parents about the teens he worships with & he said alot of teens nowadays are cutting...I was shocked! I guess if they feel stifled and not heard they mutilate themselves. I'm so sorry...mine's been destructive but you are in a worse place than me...she's not cutting that I know of. I will pray for you all. Tracie...I hope your talk went well with your husband. My husband is at the counselor as we speak!!!!

Heather - posted on 03/03/2009

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Hugs.......don't know what else to say, I agree with the other ladies who are suggesting counselling. All I can do is offer my hugs! You are SOOOOOOOO not alone!



I feel the same way most days.........

Tracie - posted on 03/03/2009

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Ohhh my god girl and how are you handling it?
I know where i am i want a vacation...
I feel like i am and outside wheel that cant say anything about any of it his kids call me names all the time i wanna scream...

Emily - posted on 03/03/2009

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Are we living the same life? My 13 year old stepdaughter was recently admitted to the short term inpatient mental health facility in our city due to sucicidal behaviors and self-mutliation. She got home and the day she got her cell phone back (2 weeks after coming home) she cut again. Then she told her counselor (she sees a psychologist once a week) that she can only talk to me and I was sleeping (just getting over Mono) and since I was sleeping she couldn't talk to me and cut. Twice. We found the pictures on her cell phone which we have since taken back.. again! I see the same counselor as her weekly as well, and he told me that next time we find something like that she needs to be hospitilized again. We are getting her tested for a thought disorder/schizophrenia! It's scary.



Anyway - she is pulling our ENTIRE FAMILY apart! I feel distant with my husband, my sister is living with us and she is an emotional wreck, our 11 year old daughter is a wreck, my 7 year old said she wishes she could die. It's been a mess lately. I don't know what to do!

Marisa - posted on 03/02/2009

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Di Kennedy's response seems in line with what the therapists are telling me and my family. Step-parenting is much harder than anyone can ever prepare you for. That is for sure.

Di - posted on 03/01/2009

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Gee Tracie, I feel so sorry for you. You are not alone in your situation. Being a step parent is such a hard thing to do. Most of the time you feel like you are damned if you do, damned if you dont. Its even harder when the child has problems and it is obvious that this girl is really not coping with life. You are the easiest one to blame and take it out on. I know this sounds strange but don't take it personally. It could be Mother Teresa in your place and she would treat her the same. This girl needs help urgently. He as the responsible father needs to address this urgently. It's not up to you, its up to him! You don't have to tolerate her behaviour in your home. You are not there to step in as her mother, you are there to support your husband in his role as father. It's probably a good thing that she isn't living with you at the moment so that it gives the situation a chance to settle down some. If he has a problem with that tough!



Unless you and your husband can become a united front, the situation will continue and probably escalate. She will continue to try and split you apart at all opportunities. The song 'United we stand, divided we fall' is so appropriate in blended families. Please don't give up just yet, there is hope, but it takes a lot of effort and a lot of forgiveness, and unfortunately conselling is essential. Your husband may or may not be open to it. Mine wasn't until it reached the point that I threw him and his two daughters out of our home that he realised how seriously bad the situation had got. Find a counsellor who believes in marriage first, parenting second. I know that will offend a lot of people, but your marriage will be around a lot longer then his responsibility to raise his children. Get your marriage right first, then the rest may flow. There are no guarentees though.



God bless you all and I hope you can sort it out

Kerri - posted on 03/01/2009

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I would strongly suggest counseling for both daughters and  the father - together and separate.  With their mother being in jail they should see the results of their actions but some kids just dont get it until it is too late.  The first step I would take would be to contact the juvenile court system and see if they can suggest a counselor or family mediator that will help your family.  They may have a few good ones, if not, start in the yellow pages. Then I would suggest you initially meeting with the counselor, along with any other friend or family member that can support you in giving details about your situation.  Make a list before you go of examples of things they have done and their father's reactions.  Counseling is costly but there are mental health centers that may be able to offer free services.  If you get nowhere with that then try the school counselor.  She may be able to give you some advice.  They are very well educated on how to deal with these issues.



Tracie, I know this is frustrating and you are probably past ready to pull your hair out.  I completely understand.  However, it only takes one sane person, who has a grip on reality,  to fix a crazy situation.   You might be the one person in these girls lives who can actually make a difference for them.    It sounds like the 14-year-old is angry and is intent on making everyone around her pay.   A lot of kids from divorced families feel this way, and she has the issue of her mother being in jail, drugs, etc. on top of that.  I wish you and your famiy the best of luck!

Rachel - posted on 03/01/2009

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Deifinitely try counseling if you haven't! I hope it works out for you...because the younger ones need you....you know if he leaves her there with you & she's that descructive you can call the cops & have her arrested for unruly.

Rachel - posted on 03/01/2009

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I love my husband too, but it's been going on so long now that I've lost all respect for him & I'm starting to feel very numb about it all & that I don't deserve to be treated this way anymore. We've been to 3 counselors & this is our 3rd separation. He didn't take me seriously til I went and paid a lawyer $2000!

Rachel - posted on 03/01/2009

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Well, my husband tells me, you wouldn't send our 6 yr old off if she didn't behave...& I told him, she won't ever get as bad because I won't let her...so he says, you just wait. I understand how you feel...not that I wish it on anyone, but I feel like I'm the only one who feels this way, it's nice to talk to someone else dealing with it. I totally understand the part where you feel he puts her on a pedistal and you don't matter...that's exactly how I feel, but he's in denial...at this point I have to save my younger ones from being the same & I have talked to a lawyer who has told me I have enough evidence to keep my kids away from his & I'm done. I'm 34 & I can't live this way anymore. He is in denial & she is manipulative!

Tracie - posted on 03/01/2009

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Problem here i cant send them to their mom she is in prison for drugs theft and fraud
she had the kids removed from her for neglect and put into my husbands custody...
If i could send them there believe me i would.....

Tracie - posted on 03/01/2009

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Well I love him and dont want to give in but the 14 yr old has gotten in my face and said i made everyone else leave i can make you leave... i dont know how to get through to
him that what his daughter is doing to me isnt fair nor is it right he blames me for her being there at her aunts because if he blames her she will be mad and want to stay there more than likely. She isnt allowed in the house at all unless he is here i requested this...When he told his sister and her this he was like i guess it is to avoid a conflict... like he didnt want to even say it.. like i dont matter and she is an angel. she would run around here flaunting her chest in clothes that her aunt gave her that were more for a bar slut... and a 30 year old. I dont know I am frustrated beyond belief all my friends and family agree with me he needs to put his foot down with her and her 13 yr old sister because she is starting to become mouthy and what her daddy lets her get away with it;....I wanna scream because i tell him are you wanting to be alone for the rest of your life because that is what you are crusing for he says no but i often wonder if he thinks that it would be easier for him not to have me here so he doesnt have to correct them...

Rachel - posted on 03/01/2009

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This sounds like my life!! I have been married to my husband for 7 yrs & he has a 23yr old and a 16yr old. Together we have a 6yr old and 2yr old....and we have separated because his kids are such a bad influence on mine. Their mother doesn't help...everytime they are with her they are harder to deal with & everything is everyone else's fault. My husband always defends his 16yr old...& I have sent her back to her mom's time & time again because she won't follow the rules here. I told him she can't live here & he left.

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