I'm Talking to a wall

Michelle - posted on 01/24/2010

I have 7 children age range 17 - 7 - 4 girls and 3 boys - Some of the tools that we have found to be helpful are:
A daily chore chart - on the chart is the daily helper (one child a week is the helper and they do whatever is asked of them above and beyond the chores, depending on the day, sometimes they have no additional chores ) this is also the day they get their laundry done - bed clothing and all - and the day that they get piano lessons,

On the chore chart we rotate through the items daily that are the biggest need in our home - dish - sweeps (on the laminate kitchen floor and hallways) setting the table, cleaning off the table... each child has to do one of the items a week - never more than one chore in a day other than if it is their laundry day.
On laundry day they must bring their laundry to the machines - if they miss the morning wash then they must wait another week.
I wash and dry - hang clothes on hangers that go in the closet and fold clothing for dressers in the order that their dressers drawers are laid out - before bed they gather their items and put them away and remake their beds.
We also have attitude time - if you dont respond when spoken to I watch the clock until you do what is asked - no yelling no prompting - on Saturday mornings the children that have accured attitude time assist with the weekly house cleaning. They must serve as much time as they accrued throughout the week by dusting , vaccuming and scrubbing bathrooms - so that they dont spend an hour dusting - i assign an time limit for each chore - when the time is up if they are still doing the chore - that time is their gift to me. At the start of the next assigned chore the timer starts again.

Respect is earned - however I am not here to be my kids friends - that may or may not happen later in life - I am here, ordained by God to instruct them, guide them and nurture them. In the end prepare them for life on their own. Are there times when I feel beat down and disrespected? sure - what parent doesnt - but you cant take it personally - you have to keep a sense of humor about you, and remember that this is just a season. Parenting is not for the weak at heart or for the lazy.

Linda - posted on 01/22/2010

Oh man i hear you and i only have two, im as well a stay at home mom, but my kids are pigs. i gotta say it. Ive tried everything, but obviously not hard enough.

Sweetpea - posted on 01/22/2010

I can so relate, I have 8 girls. They would rather sit in their room and do nothing than do what I ask them to. Money is really tight so I can't use that as a bonus in anyway shape or form.

Rhoda - posted on 01/22/2010

boy can I relate...I also have 7 kids, aged 17 to 7. they trash my house faster than I can clean it. I am a single mom, and have been for the last 3 1/2 years. The little ones will usually listen to me, if they don't get distracted, but certain of the teens are very disrespectful; the only thing I have found to be helpful is taking away privileges, such as computer use, outings, tv time, and so on...whatever they really like, and making them earn it back by good behaviour, or making them a reward for chores well done...and even that has limited results unless you are willing to be very consistent, which I find hard,a s I also work part time. hope this helps!

Jessica - posted on 01/21/2010

I am a big believer on disciplining your children. The earlier the better. No disrespect is tolerated in my home. I was lucky enough to get my three early enough to see the fruits of my labour. I find yelling is not helpful. So if you are yelling stop. I find being cheerful and happy works..I know you think I am nuts. Find a discipline technique that you are comfortable with and stick to it no matter what and never question your choice..in front of the children. Have confidence in yourself. I am a Christian and take the firm belief that "spare the rod, spoil the child" and "a child left to himself/herself with bring their mother disgrace".
Goodluck!

Carol - posted on 01/21/2010

another good idea and visual for children is a "yes and "no" jar. every time they tell you "no" you put in a blue marble and "yes" gets a red marble. When they want something you close your eyes and stick your hand in the jar mix them around and pick one. Likely if they have more no's the answer will be no. Helped for mine when they were young.

Deborah - posted on 01/21/2010

I totally agree with Heather and Carol. Parenting our children will be the hardest job we ever have to do. I have three boys , I am the only female in my house, but I think I have the most testosterone. My teenage boys have told me that they are afraid of me. I asked them why and they told me because I could make their lives miserable. I have great relationships with all my boys. I have even had the police at my home for my teenagers thinking they could do what they want to do. You have to set the bounderies and stick to them. My husband gets frustrated because he hates having to repeat himself with the boys, they should just do what they know they are suppose to do. Lets be realistic, they are kids. My boys have a chore chart but I still have to tell them to get their chores done. Thats okay with me as long as they get them done. I regards to the direspect...make a chart (huge) Sun-Sat on top, all their names on the left hand side and a box across for each of them for each day of the week. Everytime they talk back or do not listen you walk over to the chart which will be posted somewhere for everyone to see, and put a mark in the apropriate box. At the end of the week when they want to do something or go somewhere you say let's look at how your week went. That is when you and your husband decides how many marks are acceptable and how many are not. This way they own their own consequence. And if they do not want to do anything r go anywhere then you can use it with TV, Video Games, Phone priveleges, Computer and so on. Those things are not a right they are a privelege. Make them earn it. I hope this is helpful. Do not be afraid to discipline your children.God Bless you.

At the

Carol - posted on 01/20/2010

Good for your heather. I know that if my children hate me then I'm doing my job as a mother right. Whatever they like and love can be taken away. How will they act for their boss or partner in life if they have no respect for others. Especially their parents. I have 6 kids and I have great times with them until they cross the line then it's time for me to cross the line. I am not here to be abused by my children and no one should take abuse. Would you put up with this behavior from a friend? NO!!! and if they tell you no then there will always come a time that they need something and what will you say? NO!!!

Shannon - posted on 01/20/2010

I have similar problems with my stepson. It has gotten to the point that if he does not clean up after himself I pull out the garbage bags. As to the 0 respect, I hear you. We have not found anything that really works yet, if you get any ideas let me know!

Heather - posted on 01/19/2010

I have 7 kids too and I tell my kids all the time "You don't have to like me but you WILL show me respect." Of course, as my kids will tell you, I am a mean mom. My kids have chores and they do them, even if I have to stand over them and threaten them the whole time. Set the rules and then STICK TO THEM!!!! My kids know that if they ran off, I'd call the police with 20 minutes. Make a list of what will happen if they don't behave. As for mouthing off, well, a toothbrush with some soap on it once or twice stopped that with mine. And some of mine are bigger than me. Sometimes I feel like a drill sargent but most of the time, my kids are pretty good. And if you are worried about it, I have a good relantionship with all of my kids. We have a lot of fun together and I enjoy being with them and they enjoy spending time with me...even the teenagers. Be tough and hang in there!

Aimee - posted on 01/12/2010

Suggestions:
Pocket money,
rewards like going to a skating rink (together) or having a friend over if they behave for a month (one at a time obviously),
trip to macdonalds,
or taking away prized belongings (their favourites),

I only have two but i sincerely feel for you. Good luck!

Jennifer - posted on 01/11/2010

really feel for you here!! i have 5 girls and know what its like you tidy one room while they trash the one you had just finished tiding!

i reached the end of my teather and sat the family down and explained a few things!! i made up a list of all the jobs that needed doing on a daily basis and asked my girls to put the name of the person who does the job... out of a list of around 25 jobs my husband and the kids did about 4 of them!!! I them gave them the same list and asked them to each pick 3 jobs of which they would prefer to do. Because they picked them they are more likely to stick to them.

another way would be to pay them for the chores that they do it doesnt have to be a lot but enough to make them think ooh if i do take out the rubbish they i'll get 50p! i know some might see that as bribery but mine have to earn their pocket money

hope this helps you