I'm the glue for my blended family and i'm falling apart..

Stefani - posted on 06/07/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Me and my SO have been together for 5 yrs now. He has one 11 yr old daughter from a previous marriage and i have one son from a previous relationship. His daughter was 6 and my son was 3 when they first met. At first things were okay, i have my son full time and he gets his daughter half of the week. I have always been for fairness for both children accepting my SD in with welcoming arms and so did my side of the family. His side well thats diff, my SO mom and ex wife constantly make him feel like crap for helping me take care of my son. They tell him he needs to just focus on his daughter. I believe that when 2 people love eachother and try to blend a family its only fair for the stepkid to feel loved by the other family. So for 5 yrs my SO has gone back on forth on treating his daughter like a queen and treating me like crap. His daughter is severly jealous of my son who doesnt get ANY attention from her dad. She constantly competes with my kid. Cries and plays the victim whenever shes in trouble.Her dad always believes her. My son and I are here with my SO 25 days a month without her here bc she only comes over 5x a month now that shes older and she comes over and starts so much crap in my home its unreal. I do more for her then her own mother and i still look like the bad guy somehow..She lies and manipulates her dad and her mom and im so sick of it. idk what to do anymore????

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Amber - posted on 06/30/2012

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If you are able to bring in a counselor, please do as it will help. The reason it will help is it is a third voice which is a non-biased voice to guide you with some techniques to apply to the current situation that you and your family are in. Next you and your husband need to have an honest talk about how you feel and have felt, and he needs to let you know how his feeling as well. Setting boundaries is important too. The 11 year old needs to have explained to her these boundaries that you set, and if she crosses them, than there is a consequence. The same with your son.

Lisa - posted on 06/08/2012

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It can be so difficult when this stuff happens. Blending is a constant thing, like mixing a cake batter, not once, DAILY! Each person entering into a blended situation, should have an OPEN HEART AND MIND! EQUALITY AND FAIRNESS ARE A MUST! It is natural for a child to be hurt from a split family and to have a hodge-podge of feelings when placed into a blended family. If their is too much strife...you may want to seek a good blended family counselor. Also, getting advice from like-moms.....many good books to read as well. But, unless the adults can sit and agree on a format for the family....the children will continue to go awry!

Louise - posted on 06/08/2012

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Your husband will not see the same in his daughter as you do. I think I would pull back from the relationship with the daughter for a while. Let her know that you are not for trampling on. If she is only there 5 days a month. Go out. Take your son to the park or zoo or cinema or whatever mums should do with her kids. If your husband wants to have his daughter behave like this then let him have her full time for the day. He can deal with the lies and tantrums. Have a great day with your son. If your fella asks tell him straight, that you dont want to be involved with all the jealousy, lies and manipulation, you cant be accused of anything if your not there can you!

Councelling is not going to help here. This girl is hitting puberty and things are going to get much much worse. Step back and let him deal with his daughter. You can be nice but step back and let them get on with it.

Ashley - posted on 06/07/2012

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Im going to start councelling because im having some simuler problems with my family. Im not sure how it will go but i have to try something. good luck

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