Is there any way to recover from miscarriage.. other than concieving again?

Eileen - posted on 08/28/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

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In the last ten years, I've lost five and had four.

Its been a pattern three times I lost one, within the next cycle, concieved again and carried to delivery. Four beautiful children.

Till the last one, last September I lost one, again, early, but still.. it was there one day, then gone the next.

Only this time, my husband was not up to try again., and still isn't. The one we lost wasn't exactly planned.. but, we were happy about it.

Its been a year almost and no baby. no consolation. nothing to fill the void. ease the pain. If anything, its getting worse.

Has anyone lost a pregnancy and healed from it WITHOUT having another? so far everyone i have talked to about it has had the same experience as i did with the first few, try again.

I know the four I have are a blessing, and I pour myself into them everyday, and I am very grateful to have each one of them. Still, I feel so lost and empty, like somone's always missing from the dinner table. The family photo just doesn't look complete.

But, he doesn't understand how my I'm hurting. He is afraid he's too old (nearly 40), that he'll be too old once they all leave home. That it's too tough financially. That It would be too much to deal with five kids at home.. I understand each of his reasons, and I respect them. But still, logic can't take away the hurt.

I know I am not alone in this.. I know others have gone through similar experiences.. how do you get through and get past it, other than having another child?

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2 Comments

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Daisha - posted on 09/02/2009

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I'm so sorry Eileen, I have two grlz myself, my very first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I didn't have any kids until years later. I'm not sure that having another baby will fill the place in your heart and family left empty by the loss. I don't feel as if Cherish and Mattie are replacements for the one I lost. The baby I lost would have been an August baby. I ended up naming the baby and during August I "celebrate" the baby in my own private way.
Time does help ease it but the sadness is there.

Kat - posted on 08/28/2009

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Hi, Eileen. I am so sorry to hear of your losses!! I have had two miscarriages. One was between my oldest and second oldest sons, and the last was just a couple months ago, not long after my 5th. There are times when, even though all my kids are in the room with me, I just feel like someone's missing. No one but my mother understands my ever-nagging desire for another.



She lost 7. While she is perfectly happy with her three living biological children [we're all grown up now] and her two adopted sons, there are still times when she gets teary-eyed thinking bout the babies she lost.



I don't know if we ever get over it. We're the type of people who were born to nurture, and having lost a child feels not only like a great loss, but also like a failure. And it seems as if those around us think it's wrong or silly to mourn the loss of an unborn child. Am I right?



On the slightly brighter side, science has shown that most lost pregnancies were lost due to a deformity or other health issue. And the Bible ensures us that God does not take any life before its due time. So, if it's any consolation, your babies are better off waiting to meet you in heaven than they would have been here on earth. Also, please know that it's not your fault.



I guarantee that having more children will not cure the pain. If you, as a couple, decide to have more, that's great! But if the only reason to try again is that you're hurting, then it's probably best to focus more on enjoying the ones you already have. And if, after a year or so, the pain hasn't gotten any lighter, it might be time to see a therapist. You're not crazy, but it may be that you just need someone to listen who does not have an opinion in the matter.



Good luck and God bless!! I'll be praying for you.