is wanting a stronger relationship with my step daughter

Katherine - posted on 11/23/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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me and my husband have been together for four years in march and have been married for a year and a half. jasmin my step daughter will be 15 in january i feel pulled because i want to have a better relationship with her so much but i just dont know how to do that i try to do things with her just me and her go get our nails done go to the movies go shopping ect. but everything i do seems to just make her more give me give me and i dont like that...sometimes she makes rude comments or makes me feel like im an idiot or shell ask me a question and then when im trying to give her an answer she cuts me off..i am just now turning 25 and my husband is 37 i feel like im fightin a battle almost everytime i turn around...she makes comments about my age and how im soo young and ask me how old will you be when im 25 or how old will my dad be when you 30 and then the looks she gives me like wow hes gonna be old or whatever...... i also have a step son (that will be turning 12 in march) that i love with all my heart we have such a wonderful relationship im overjoyed to have him as MY SON i just wish me and jasmin could have the same relationship..there mother isnt in the picture she lives in mexico and jasmin very rarly wants to call her and her mother never calls them so i feel like im pouring my all out for her and jr and jr gives me back soooo much love and affection but jasmin not so much.....me and my husband have a 2 almost 3 year old and an 8 month old my precious baby girls and sometimes i think she doesnt like that....i see her being mean sometimes to my 2 year old hitting her yellin at her and then other times she kisses her and tells her i love you soo much lili ......i just dont understand

what do i do ?????????????

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6 Comments

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Stephanie - posted on 11/30/2009

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Just be there when she needs you don't allow her to undermine you and your hubby can't allow it either but i have a large blended family also and you have to be on the same page but to be honest alot of it is teenage age girl stuff let it ride it will work it self out And do not allow her to be rude or disrespectful to anyone exspecially the other children..

Katherine - posted on 11/30/2009

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thanks everyone..your comments have helped and i will definetly check that book out..i think another reason we have such a hard time with eachother is because when i popped into the picture she was 11 and at that age your starting to change and i missed the young her by a smidgeso her attitude is a little more with me that it might have been because with jr. he was 8 and we have a wonderful relationship, i play with him we wrestle he talks to me about things and i also do stuff with him (go to the movies, go to the store with only him) and i dont feel like he takes advantage of me or is always give me give me give me OH AND HE HELPS ME A TON AROUND THE HOUSE yea i have to ask him but hes always willing to give me a blanket if i have my 8month old or make me a bottle for her or anything i know that makes a big difference..and jasmin is ALWAYS in her room and the only time she really wants to go with me to the store is if SHES gonna get something otherwise you can forget it

Diana - posted on 11/28/2009

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I recommend getting the book "The Smart Step-Family" by Ron L. Deal. You can get it on half.com for pretty cheap. I've been married for 3 years and just started reading the book. I wish I had read it when I first got divorced 4 1/2 years ago. It's an awesome book that covers everything about stepfamilies, divorce, remarried, children, etc.

Takaoiya - posted on 11/26/2009

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my step-daughter and i have a great relationship, we didnt untill her father yelled at her to treat me better but shes 4, with her it was more of "dont take my daddy" and im showing her shes not loseing her daddy she's gaining a mameha (japanese for stepmom) and 3 sisters and 2 more siblings when the twins are born which her dad helped me explain to her

Tami - posted on 11/26/2009

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HI Katherine, Happy Thanksgiving. Sounds like your step daughter has an issue with the age differences. you being 10 years in the middle of her father and herself. Explain to her how when you get out of your teens and love finds you, age doesn't matter. No matter how old her dad may seem to her, to you he is just the right age. Because you and her are closer in age maybe she is having a hard time distinquishing you as a mom and not as an older sister. You are the only mom in her life right now, but you too can be friends, with bounderies. Talk to her like an adult. I read your other post and please do not read her journal. If she finds out, you may never get any trust back in your relationship. Good luck!

Tami - posted on 11/26/2009

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HI Katherine, Happy Thanksgiving. Sounds like your step daughter has an issue with the age differences. you being 10 years in the middle of her father and herself. Explain to her how when you get out of your teens and love finds you, age doesn't matter. No matter how old her dad may seem to her, to you he is just the right age. Because you and her are closer in age maybe she is having a hard time distinquishing you as a mom and not as an older sister. You are the only mom in her life right now, but you too can be friends, with bounderies. Talk to her like an adult. I read your other post and please do not read her journal. If she finds out, you may never get any trust back in your relationship. Good luck!

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