My daughter is calling my boyfriend daddy and upsetting his girls/him

Aimee - posted on 09/01/2012

As a girlfriend of a man who has a daughter who calls her step-dad "dad," and bio dad was never asked if she could do that and is very bothered by it, I would suggest asking your ex if he is ok with your daughter calling your fiance "dad." Respect how your ex feels about it, whether you get along with him or not; he's still her bio dad. Remember, your ex can get remarried; how would you feel if your daughter started calling her step-mom "mom"?



Also, you mentioned your fiance, out of respect for his children, doesn't want your daughter calling him "dad." So I think you need to be correcting your daughter, out of respect for everyone else, every time your daughter accidentally calls your fiance "dad." A nice "no, sweetie, your daddy is at his house. [Fiance's name] is [children's name] daddy." Maybe also encourage your daughter to give her bio dad a call twice a week, but especially on days where she accidentally called you fiance "dad". That way she can connect with the fact that her bio daddy is still around, just not in your house. If your ex doesn't make an effort, help your daughter make an effort. That should help her not only now, but in the future as well, as phone calls may help build their relationship.

Jo - posted on 08/19/2012

If your daughter wants to call her future step dad Daddy she should be allowed to and his daughters need to be brought on board. You can't hurt your daughter's feelings. She obviously loves him and wants him to love her as much as he loves his daughters. If I were you, I would not even consider telling your 5 year old to call him anything else. I can't even believe you are considering it.

Julie - posted on 07/04/2012

how old is your daughter. is she calling him daddy because thats who she thinks he is. he is being the father figure so she may be confused especialy as she hears 2 girls that dont live there on a permenant basis like she does call him daddy. i agree about another special name is it is upsetting them but as beth says maybe a nice activity for bonding with them all together may help. his kids may also be jealous of the fact that she lives with him full time and they dont and so her alling him daddy is basicaly adding insult to injury in their eyes. kids are funny little things to figure out and we need to get to their level sometimes to help. maybe if your daughter called him pops or poppa or something like that. you could start that off by saying go to pops or take that to pops and for him to put his arms out and say come to pops things like that. he sound slike a great dad and it would be a shame to ruin their relationship over a name

Nice - posted on 06/09/2012

It is a hard one and girls are very close to their fathers. I was in a similar situation as a young girl, much older than these girls, and it didn't become an issue for anyone because I felt that my step dad did earn my respect and he was truly caring towards me and siblings.

It is best to have a family meeting and discuss it with the girls (maybe separately) and ask about their feelings on the matter. Maybe dad and girls should speak first and than all of you together.

Good luck, blended families relationships can be truly challenging.

Stefani - posted on 06/07/2012

The reason she calls him daddy most likely is because she hears his girls call him that and she wants to fit in. Ive been there with my son, he loves his step daddy and my boyfriends daughter flipped out when she heard him call him daddy. She feels entitled to him. The way I see it is it should only be fair that your daughter gets to call him daddy because thats the role he's playing and if he doesnt like it tough crap!!!!

Lacieann - posted on 05/07/2012

You could also try explaining to them that he does all the things for your daughter that a daddy is supposed to do, so he's like her daddy. Let them know that your daughter isn't trying to take him from them, but that she's hoping they will share him, just like their (his daughters) mom and dad share them.

The girls may not understand the concept that blood doesn't make the bond, but it's worth a shot to try and explain it to them anyway. maybe if they're asked permission they will be more comfortable with it.

Lacieann - posted on 05/07/2012

Does your daughter refer to his girls as her sisters? Maybe if she tried to include them in her family it would help remind them that they are still loved and that you are all working on being one big family, until then maybe she can call him papa? My step kids call me Mama and their mother is Mommy.

Amber - posted on 05/06/2012

It bothered my kids to hear their stepsiblings refer to their father as dad. Their father had his stepkids pictures with him and not his kids. Those boys lived with him and did see their father. My kids live with me and did see their father on a regular basis for some time. It affected his relationship with them. And rightfully so. I applaud your boyfriend for telling you no, that his kids feelings matter to him on this topic. I think it is great when parents are willing to do what is in their kids best interest over the best interest of other people's kids.

Kay - posted on 05/06/2012

I would go with something special, but not Daddy. Chances are, she will learn the difference over time, and it will give his daughters time to adjust. Plus she DOES have a dad, and I really think his feelings should be taken into account too. My fiancé has two daughters, who live with their mother three states away. He sees them whenever he can get time off from school and work, and they stay with us a few weeks every month. Their mother has a long-time boyfriend, the father of her son, who lives with them there. If they were calling him daddy, my fiancé would be absolutely devastated--and he gets to see them less than your daughter's father does.

On the flip side, my son's biological father has never been involved in his life. This summer, we will be getting married and finalizing his adoption, and he does call my fiancé Daddy. My fiancé's daughters have never minded thankfully.

These situations are never easy. But you have to take EVERYONE'S feelings into account--and everyone includes you, your boyfriend, your daughter's father, your boyfriend's ex, your daughter, and your boyfriend's daughters.

Good luck! Best wishes.

Karianne - posted on 05/04/2012

I so agree with Kelly. The kids may just need some extra time to adjust but for you daughter to not be allowed to call him dad or daddy would single her out.It may take some time but reassurance will get all the kids through this.

Kelly - posted on 05/02/2012

I'm sort of in the opinion that if he is playing the role of the father than he is her father. With kids involved to they need to be the priority. All these kids worlds have already and coninue to be rocked by divorce and instability. The relationship needs to be permanent and the entire unit becomes a family and she becomes their sister. He is her dad. (altho step dad) If she is as important to him as his girls and he loves her than she deserves the right to call him daddy. Tell the other girls it may not be official but it will be. It is dad's responsiblity to find a way to reassure his girls that he doesn't love them any less but is sharing them with mom.

Beth - posted on 05/02/2012

It could be worth having bonding sessions with all 5 of you together, so that his biological daughters realise that step daughter means it as a mark of respect/love to your partner to call him dad.

It sounds like she's got it very clear in her mind - she knows who her biological Dad is, but feels that Step-Dad has earnt the title of 'Dad' in her eyes.

Maybe worth having a chat with firstly between you, your bf and daughter coming up with acceptable names for step-dad. Then when her step-sisters are there, get them involved to suitable names for her to call him, and also for the girls to call you.