Lauren - posted on 09/03/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )
So I have a question, but first the background info. My friend, we'll call her T, is staying in our home right now. She has a daughter, we'll call her B. B is 10. I have two children myself, age 9 & 7.
T & B have been staying in our home because she moved up here recently. First she lived in VA, then went to her Aunt's in GA after her divorce & got in a fight with her Aunt. She moved up here to live with her Mom (I'm in CT) & got in a fight with her Mom. So she was pretty much homeless. I told her she could stay here rent free until she got a job & got on her feet.
Two separate times since she's been here, she trekked her daughter down to VA to try to get her old job back, but it didn't work out so she came back. Poor kid was in the car each time for over 24 hrs straight. B is such a good kid & I feel really bad she's going through all this.
So now there here again. T just lost child support cause her ex isn't working so I took B out to buy back to school supplies, an outfit from Kohl's & $75 Nike sneakers.
My fiancée was telling me about hearing B crying cause she had a splinter & T telling her not to be such a baby & then he heard a smack & B crying more. He also said T told him we're too lenient on our kids & we let them get away with too much. He also said that my son kept saying his name while she was talking & she said "Excuse me! You need to wait your turn, that's VERY RUDE!" & he didn't like her reprimanding my kids like that. I know T has been having a rough time finding a job & really depressed so I said, hey, sometimes I get snappy when in upset. He said he felt she was not appreciative of everything we're doing for her.
Last night I was about to come upstairs from my room in the basement & I hear T talking in the living room to B. T asked her if she was the one who didn't close the cereal box. She said you need to close it do it doesn't get stale. Then she just snapped & started yelling, MAYBE I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR IT YOU LITTLE SHIT! She kept going saying do you want me to give you up for adoption huh? Is that what you want? YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!
My kids were sitting on the couch too. She stormed upstairs. I told my fiancée about it. He was upset. He said we shouldn't let T stay here anymore. I said after her Mom kicked her out, she lived in her car for 2 days. I don't want B to go through that again. He said well we could call Social Services on her. (She never cooks for B either. Always buys her crap microwave meals & I end up serving B some of our dinner cause I want her to eat healthy).
I told my fiancée I think it's a little harsh to just jump over her like that without a warning first. My fiancée didn't really want to be a part of talking to T though. He wanted me to handle it on my own, although I said if we talk to her, he needs to be present. I'm kind of concerned because he did NOT like being told by her that he wasn't a good parent, but he wants to talk to her about how she parents. When I said that he said, well, it's more so that our kids witness these outbursts too & that's not right.
I'm worried she'll be defensive if we talk about this & decide to leave & live in her car with B. If she doesn't, I'm worried about what to do if she doesn't change her attitude & start playing more of a parent role. Oh also, neither one (T or B) showers maybe more than once per week & I really feel like its because of lack of parenting. T also spends a lot of time hiding out in her room & I kind of feel like I have three kids now instead of two, but I'd rather B & my kids have home cooked meals & a clean house to live in than make B leave. I just don't know what to do if she gets upset or if she doesn't make changes?