My stepdaughter and being allowed to participate in activities?

Colette - posted on 06/25/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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For the past 2 years, my stepdaughter (who is 8) has lived through a lot of turmoil at her mother's house. There has been constant change of boyfriends, of which the latest has been in and out of jail because of drugs. My husband and I have been together for more than 6 years, and the only good influence in her life. As of late, we've been dealing with her mother refusing to let her play softball when she's at her house. However, the court papers state that the child should be allowed to participate in any activities irregardless of whose visitation it is. For this past spring, my daughter has had to miss several tournaments and league play because her mom refuses to take her/let us pick her up or anything. My husband and I aren't sure what to do from here, any suggestions?

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AMY - posted on 08/06/2012

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OMG, this same exact thing happened to us! We spent over $700 for our 6 year old to take karate lessons and her mother would never take her to the practices or tournaments on her visitations. Ugh! Talk about being an angry person. That's a lot of money to waste.
After she did all that with the karate, I told my husband (the bio-father) that I wasn't going to enroll her in any more sports. He told me not to do that, what we will do in the future is if she has a game or practice on the bio-moms visitation weekend or such, we will just keep the child and let her go with her afterward. Not sure if that's even legal, but that was our plan :-) Now we don't have to even worry with it as she has let me adopt the child and hasn't had any contact anyway. Good luck! I know exactly how you feel and it's VERY frustrating!

Chaya - posted on 07/10/2012

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Go into court and tell the judge this, bring the child along into court. Mom would probably be there too.
You're probably not the only good influences in her life, she's making friends in softball, and probably has someone to go to in their parents, but I get your point.
Children should be playing softball or doing any other community activities they may wish to do.

Julie - posted on 07/04/2012

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you need to talk to the mother and tell her your concerns and remind her of what the court order says and that she has to comply with it or you will take her back to court and let the judge deal with her if she refuses any more. and by the way i like this little bit from you "my daughter " you didnt say step daughter. you must be a great step mother to child and i will take my hat off to you and say well done. keep caring as you are and your stepdaughter will love you all the more for it as she grows. to feel loved and wanted and secure is the main thing in any child life and you aseem to be doing just that

Fawzia - posted on 07/01/2012

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Hello Collette,

Well we are going through the same thing and if the Mother is on drugs her daughter cannot be with the mother unless she is drug free that is the law and get the Ministry involved and keep track of what the mother does and the daughter has to complain about the mother...

Get the Mental Health Team involved and they can help you a lot and the daughter...If she the daughter had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome you can apply for DISABILITY on the daughter and would come under D.Tax Credit .....if in Canada you can they go back when the child was born her DAD can....

Amber - posted on 06/30/2012

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Is her mother willing to sit down and discuss how this is affecting the child? Because in reality the child is the one who gets hurt in the end. She cannot get to her games, tournaments, etc..because the mom's "feelings of ?", and is this really fair to the child?
I would definitely try and see if everyone could sit down and discuss this, if this is definitely a no-go, than will she talk to either you or your husband one-on-one? If not, than, how about a counselor? Sometimes this really helps.

Casey - posted on 06/28/2012

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Not only is this not fair to the child but her mom is clearly going against the visitation agreement. If I were you I would warn her and let her know just what she is doing. Then after if she keeps her from one game or practice you can take her back to court. It could get to the point that she just wont want to go. If I were in your shoes I would take her back to court. It doesn't sound like a healthy environment at all for a child that is approaching puberty and all the comes w/ it. They last thing she needs to think is that men or boys should be in and out. I would take the woman back to court.

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