Christel - posted on 09/05/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )
I just joined Circle of Moms in hopes that I can get some insight on how to make our situation a little bit easier with my son's sister.
Brief overview, boyfriend and I are not married, he has a 6 year old daughter, who just started 1st Grade, and we have a 6.5 month old son. Boyfriend, myself and our son live significantly far from daughter and her mother. Daughter comes to Daddy's house almost every weekend, unless she has an obligation or Daddy is working. I have been actively in her life since she was 4.
That said, I am struggling with a few things and would appreciate input on them.
1) When daughter comes to visit, she is the most disrespectful, rude child of her age that I have ever dealt with. In the beginning, I expected such behavior with a transition in her Daddy's life - how long does this typically last? For example, you tell her to do something, she ignores you, or shouts "no" - If she doesn't get her way, it often becomes a temper tantrum. If someone tells her "No" and she doesn't choose to throw a fit, she'll do whatever she wants anyway and Daddy finds this easier most times than discipling her because their time is very limited. Very frustrating.
2) Daddy believes in "talking things out" - even when she is pulling said temper tantrum. She's probably been placed in time out a handful of times since I have been around and the behavior continues. She has gone far enough as to stand behind her Daddy and give me dirty looks, roll her eyes, and do things that I have told her not to do. Daddy talks to her, she stops, and then it happens again - (REPEAT, REPEAT, REPEAT)
My biggest issue is her not listening to me when it comes to my son. I am his mother, and I feel like because I am not her Mom, she chooses not to listen. It makes it very difficult to have my wishes met regarding him. I ask her not to pick him up, she doesn't it anyways. I ask her not to play with his swing, she does it anyways.
Also, it is my house. I feel when she comes on the weekends, she terrorizes the house. She doesn't pick up after herself. She fights with you on everything you tell her to do.
I just feel totally displaced and it is putting an intense strain on my relationship also because he doesn't discipline her, nor defend me.
Sighhh... Looking forward to hearing your thoughts.
Something has to give before I blow my stack.