Needs to vent!

Casey - posted on 08/22/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend works 60 hours a week. Ive been staying home with my 4 year old and his 4 year old( both boys) and his 6 year old daughter until I find work. I know that he works alot and is tired when he gets home. Is it wrong of me to get irritated when he lays on the couch after work and leaves everything up to me.
Im not jokeing when i say he will sit there and watch the kids do something they arent suposed to do and wait for me to get after them. I teel like the total bad guy. I feel like his kids are goin to hate me in the long run. I feel like all I do is yell and all 3 of them.
I understand that its my job right now to take care of the kids and the house since Im not working. I just get frustrated when i have to keep getting after them for everything when hes home. Im not askin him to do it all just dont make he be the bad guy ALL the time. Am I wrong?

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Rochell - posted on 09/19/2011

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I am a stay at home mom, my husband works 70 hours a week, and when he finally gets to come home, I don't expect him to lift a finger... That is my job.. and yes, it's hard, frustrating, and tiring, but the rewards, are those three chidren grown, happy and healthy. They will learn to appreciate you and they will not hate you for discipling them although at times, it may seem that way. You need to get some you time though... otherwise you will go nuts and that's not good for anybody. Please though.. respect the fact that you have a man out there working his tail off to support you and the kids... Not all men are like that and they are actually few and far between. Goood luck!

Julie - posted on 09/17/2011

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OMG!!! I logged into to Circle of Moms today because of your very post!! I'm so frusterated, I ran an errand alone today and sat in the car and cried my eyes out. We have 4 kids: my oldest son is 14, his 2 daughters are 5 & 7 and our son together is 2. My hubby works 4 10hr shifts. He leaves for work just before the older 3 get home from school and comes home in the middle of the night. He has Fri-Sun off. I asked him to be home Friday afternoons to greet HIS children and he couldn't make it. He lays around the couch and expects me to continue disciplining HIS kids when he's right there! Then he tells me I'm exaggerating about their behavior...until they're being rude, disrespectful and disobedient to him or in front of him. Oh wow so we're fighting right now about how I have a crappy attitude! I'm outta here.

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My fiancé works crazy hours too and I tell him sure, the house is MY job since I'm a SAHM, and I do it all myself all day everyday, up by 7 am, don't get to bed til 11 or 12, then get up with the kids in the night. But I tell him I'm not just trying to win the "who's most tired award," because really it's irrelevant, regardless of where or how long either of us work or who's more tired, we are BOTH equally responsible for our children when we're home. I remind him that I do ALL the childcare on top of all the housework while he is at work. I don't ask him to do any chores except take out the trash. I accept full responsibility for all the cleaning and laundry, but I do expect him to simply pick up after himself, he's an adult after all. I don't care how many hours you work, you're not too tired to put your clothes in the hamper, rinse your dishes, wipe the damn crumbs off the counter from the sandwich you just made, etc. My rule is: you don't have to do my job (housework) but you sure as hell better not make my job harder! :) As far as the kids go, when he says "Sorry, but I work 75 hours a week!" I say- And I work 105 hours a week, but I still have to answer to my children day and night, because parenting isn't a job you can go home from. I also had to explain to him the difference in being merely "present" in the lives of his children or playing an important, ACTIVE role in their lives, and how much they need him to be more than a lump on the couch. When he complains that he's just too tired to play with them or do the "responsibility" stuff I say "That's fine, turn off the tv and read them some books, that takes zero physical energy." You've got to stress to him that no matter how he accomplishes it, they need his care and attention even moreso since he works so much!

Lacieann - posted on 08/22/2011

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That's a bunch of crap. No matter how hard his day is at work it's no excuse to not be a parent to his kids.

Ashley - posted on 08/22/2011

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No your not wrong thats crap regardless of the fact that your not working he still needs to help when he gets home. Infact its probably easer being at work than home. Mine has done this as well and i have lost my top because as far as im concerned he's just being plain lazy, i work to but his shifts end so should yours or at lest he should help till bed time. Best of luck

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