new step mother

Julie - posted on 09/23/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My ex is marrying a woman this coming sunday who he moved in with after only knowing 2.5 mo. they will be marrying a week or two? shy of their one year anniversary of meeting. She has been married, but no children - unable to. she has a niece she is VERY close to...she sees quite a bit. So... my ex feels bad and is pushing my daughter on her...letting her act as 'mommy'. I KNOW him....20yrs together, I know him. he is doing it to win her over. Has NOTHING to do with the well being of our child. So my 8 yr old isn't developing, but all of a sudden a month ago - upon school clothes shopping - i get asked twice about her needing a bra. wth? then he reveals that the soon-to-be-wife is doing all the school shopping. So i informed him that when it comes time for a training bra, or she gets her period, or sex talk...that's MY job as her MOTHER. She is mine, and those situations are special things between a mother and daughter and they are to be mine. I only live 1/2hr away. so I talked with my daughter and explained that it's a special thing to start wearing a bra, or getting your period, so i would really like to be the one she shares that with. She asked 'what if i'm with Daddy and XXX and they want to buy me one?" i told her...ultimately it's her body...it's her decision. if she wants to, fine..but if she'd rather do it with me, she is not to be scared , she can just say "no thank you, i want to do this with mom".

am I making too much of this?

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Nickey - posted on 09/23/2012

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Julie,

I completely agree with you that the role of a step mother is to be on the side lines when the mother is WANTING to be involved in their childs life. A mother that does not involve herself however should be the one sitting out and the step mother should therefore take control. Every child needs a mother in their life especially little girls. I think its very important for your daughter to experience their first bra with you since you are wanting to be the one that does it. You and your ex should talk about this issue together and let him know strongly that you are the one that is going to buy your daughter the first bra..not the stepmother. I myself am a stepmother and have been one for almost 5 years now. The biological mother of my step daughters lives in a different state and has zero contact with her daughters. Because of this, I have taken on the role as the mother and always will as long as their real mother stays out of the picture. If your ex's new wife is a good person, I would maybe meet up with her and explain to her also that you do not want to miss out on doing the special things for your children such as buying the first bra. Hopefully both your ex and his new bride will be understanding. Good luck to you and your situation.

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