Respect from my step son?

Ellen - posted on 12/22/2010

It is your husband's responsibility to make sure that his child treats you with respect. You are not being a bad stepmom by going to his father about it. Your husband needs to correct this situation.

Rebecca - posted on 12/06/2010

I have a 11 yr old step son and 9 yr old stepdaughter and its not easy. I keep telling them that I dont want to be their mother they have one and they need to see her. I will be here for them if need be but I also have my son who is 10 yr old and I homeschool him to give him the time I think he needs with my dad since we lost my mom in 2007. And now i just feel like a baby sitter for him and have told him that on a few occasions. I do know that it isn't easy! Just not sure where we will end up in the long run together forever or will the kids continue to take control?

Deanna - posted on 11/15/2010

Sadly there are people that just don't get along. They don't have to be adults to instantly not like each other either. They can be kids or a combination of both. I would suggest just show him respect as you would anyone else of his MENTAL age and go from there. I say mental because someone's age is not just the number of years you have been on this earth. It can also be that a person is wiser than their years. (so to speak) He may never show you the respect you want or need but if you just show him the respect you want shown to you then you can at least know that you are being a better person all around. When it feels like you are going to snap just keep reminding yourself; "Treat others as you want to be treated for only then will you truly be treated that way."

good luck and god bless

Kay - posted on 11/14/2010

I have to agree with Elizabeth here there are a lot of things with this that has to be concidered, first of all, how old was your step son when you came into his life and became another parent to him and what was his relationship with his father like before you came along. No I am not sugesting that his attitude towards you is an acceptable thing, but I know from experience of my own, I have 2 step-daughters both who gave me a run for my money at the begining, like the first 3 years :-) and had to rethink my entire attitude towards parenting because of them. There is no easy age for kids to suddenly have more than one parent but you can help them but not taking this as an attack on yourself personally. Sit your ss down and try to have a chat with him, just you and him, explain to him what his actions are doing, how they are hurting you and in respects hurting his dad and the other family members, maybe ask him what it is about you being in the house that bothers him the most, could be as simple as feeling like he is being left out, and try to be friends with him, 11 is a difficult age in itself, yes he needs boundaries and direction but he needs to know he is not alone here and that there is at least someone he can come to unconditionally to speak to who isn't going to turn away from him, put yourself in that place and he is going to respect you so much more than you ever thought possible. Best of luck :-) xx

Elizabeth - posted on 11/08/2010

Depends IMO. How long were his parents divorced, before they started dating? or introducing new gfs/bfs to their kids? A lot of kids need time after their parents split or divorce. does his father spend 1:1 time with him, away from you? a lot of times when kids don't get their parent all to themselves they do what your ss is doing. Are there other kids in the home with you and your bf/dh?

Kristen - posted on 11/07/2010

I agree with Mindy- a united front with your husband is absolutely essential to getting the issue corrected. I have a step daughter (11) and a step son (8) and had the same problem. We actually took a Love and Respect class thru our church and silly though it sounds, there are things you learn about your husband that can apply to younger boys- just in the way they handle things and the reasons they do/say what they do. It is a great book Love & Respect by Dr Emmerson Egrichs. I also found that for some reason boys have this connection to their mom that can sometimes feel threatened especially because you are the maternal figure at "Dad's house." If he knows you are friends with his mom and you are not trying to replace her, you might find a common ground and mutual respect and understanding. Keep working on it, don't give up on him/them! Stepkids can become one of life's best blessings! :)

Mindy - posted on 11/06/2010

absolutly u deserve respect and when he does backtalk your husband should address it immedialty or as soon as possible, alot of kids backtalk bc maybe he thinksif he does it enough u will go away, he may like u as a person, but when u become stepmom it changes things. just keep consistant with not tolerating it and most of all u and your husband present a united front.

Shanna - posted on 10/28/2010

Im going to check that book out thank you. We have talked to him, all of us. Including myself, my husband, and his mother. He says he does'nt know what he does it. He can not give either of us a straight answer on why he feels this way towards me, and he says he won't do it anymore and he starts again. I don't understand what i am doing wrong. I mean I don't think im being a bad mother figure, my 2 other step kids absolutly adore me. I have no problems with respect or listening from them. I am just so confused.

JoJo - posted on 10/28/2010

I would recommend that you read the book called `The Explosive Child`. by Dr. Ross Greene. It helps you put his disrespect into perspective. And it also helps you look for the reasons that he is talking back to you. Have you asked him why he does that? Did you point out to him that he doesn`t do that with his Dad, Mom or Step Father as well? Sometimes having a conversation (and keeping your cool) goes a long way to finding out why he is acting that way towards you. Then you can work on the steps needed for him to start showing respect to you as well.