Rude or stupid things people say to you when you have a big family

Amy - posted on 11/03/2008 ( 419 moms have responded )

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I am sure that I am not the only one who gets those stupid and sometimes very personal questions or comments becasue I have 6 kids. So I thought I would vent and share with everyone.

I think the worst thing people say goes something like "Don't you know what causes that?" or "We know what you two have been doing!" Those are the more common tame versions. Occasionally they get pretty graphic and WAY too personal. Do people have no boundaries anymore?

I also get asked ALL the TIME "how can you afford it?" Even when people don't come right out and ask, they make comments that suggest we must be destitute. Just recently someone asked if my 4 month old girl, dressed all in pink, was a boy. When I said no the woman said "well, you have all those kids. I just thought maybe pink was all you had." Can you believe it?!

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Christy - posted on 03/08/2009

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Quoting Michelle Hornbeak:

I get the comment "Wow, you have your hands full!" all the time, drives me nuts. I've taken to just smiling and saying "Better full than empty." After that, they just smile and change the subject.. :)



wow michelle, i really like that one,i jsut might have to use it now

Misty - posted on 03/06/2009

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HEY another thing.....my great grandmother was one of 12 kids - my grandmother was one of 10....no one thought bad of it then right????  To each his own!

Misty - posted on 03/06/2009

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Some people are as rude as they are ignorant!  I have three children, my hubby has one - all living with us.  We are wanting to add a baby of our own to the clan which will give us 5.  People are like - what are you thinking?  Well we're thinking that we love our large family and we love being parents - we are NOT on welfare therefore it is none of their concern.  I tell people if you aren't supporting them then you shouldn't be concerned with how large our family is!  POP is back to them!

Rhona - posted on 03/04/2009

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i get do u have a tv license. I pay for your kids with my tax. All i do is have kids for the extra cash. erm nooo i do work and wanted all 4 of my kids xxxx iv prolly been called worse but and iv boys 1 girl even if in pink ask if hand me down kid the pooor love im like grrrrrrrrrrrr

Missy - posted on 03/04/2009

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I just have to tell you the best come back I have ever heard to "Don't you know what causes that?"



The lady looked at the rude lady and said " Yes I do, hot nasty sex with my husband!"



Talk about the jaw dropping......one has to laugh hysterically at this. I just wanted to give the high five.

Tangi - posted on 03/04/2009

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Kia Ora ( Hello )

To everyone that reads these,

Ive got one everyone can read or talk bout in our large blended family in the house hold now theres 11 people without our 2 oldest girls n our 3 grandsons all up 16 people round one time,now we have a intake of 30 loafs of bread n 30 litres of milk a week,some days we get the rudiest looks from people n u can almost hear n think on wot goes through their minds now one person ask how you must own a shop with all that milk n bread,we told them NO its just a big family trying to find a shop that caters for big family is very hard to find these days,now take pac n save,woolworths,countdown,as soon as u say we have a family of 16 people can u help?

they point the finger no go try somewhere else or say rude things like have a smaller family,get rid of half the family then u dont spend so much on the food bill,or they come up and say was there a blackout in ur street y u have so many people n ur household,well i got used to saying now why u jello go make ur own i wouldnt give family up for no one,with ours theres mum,dad,grandad,uncle,3grandsons,7 girls,2 boys,theirs 5also difference races pakeha,maori,islander,irish,mori-ori frm the chattdens,and u know i wouldnt trade my large family for anything,u think people havent got better things to talk about beside been rude as.

Janet - posted on 03/03/2009

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We have 6 children (ages 24 - 4), and 1 grandchild. We both have only 1 sibling (both moms wanted more but couldn't have them) and love it. I get all the questions, and I always answer with great enthusiasm - Yes, they are all mine, and have the same dad! Most of those who know me are amazed at the fact I have 6 and work full time (my husband is a Stay-at-home-dad) - and I am proud of it. I love being a mom and grandmother!

Emily - posted on 03/03/2009

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We have 7 kids - my husband and his ex had 4 daughters, adopted 2 boys and I came with one daughter, so that is 5 girls, 2 boys. We get odd looks in public as the boys are black/native american and the girls and us are all white. My husband and I are actually WHITER than our kids as his ex and mine were both very "tan" (mine is of Portuguese decent and his ex has some Cherokee or something). I'm 26 and he is 39, so I get a lot of "you don't look like you could possibly be their mother" or "you couldn't have had all these kids, right?" Like I don't look old and fat apparently, so I couldn't possibly have had them all. Sometimes, just to mess with people, I will say "yup, all mine" and I get this wide eyed, dropped jaw look. It's amazing. I find us explaining a lot how we have so many.



And? We want another! My husband had a vasectomy but we are considering a reversal so we can have a baby together!

Cayce - posted on 02/28/2009

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We ahve 14 children between the ages of 16 and 3. We get many fascinated stares when we go places together. 12 of my children are adopted so we have many ethnicities. My favorite comment happened about 8 years ago when someone shyly commented that my husband must be extremely wonderful I replied "yes of course he is why do you ask?" they replied because he took you and your baby back after you had an affair. I rolled on the floor laughing. They were so embarrassed. we get a ton of question and I feel that he majority are so curious that they don't follow the normal bounds of propriety. I have been asked "how do you do it?" so many times that I have to respond I don't. I asked Heavenly Father to bless me with His children and to help provide what we need to take care of them and He has. I have off days and so do my kids as many of them also suffer from traumatic early childhoods. It doesn't do there mental health any good to here people say are they all yours?" Yes. "but which ones are REALLY yours?!"  We just tell our kids that they are all ours but that some people need to put labels on others so that they can feel better. I hope that no one has truly wanted to be mean or viscious to us merely curious.

Cayce - posted on 02/28/2009

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We ahve 14 children between the ages of 16 and 3. We get many fascinated stares when we go places together. 12 of my children are adopted so we have many ethnicities. My favorite comment happened about 8 years ago when someone shyly commented that my husband must be extremely wonderful I replied "yes of course he is why do you ask?" they replied because he took you and your baby back after you had an affair. I rolled on the floor laughing. They were so embarrassed. we get a ton of question and I feel that he majority are so curious that they don't follow the normal bounds of propriety. I have been asked "how do you do it?" so many times that I have to respond I don't. I asked Heavenly Father to bless me with His children and to help provide what we need to take care of them and He has. I have off days and so do my kids as many of them also suffer from traumatic early childhoods. It doesn't do there mental health any good to here people say are they all yours?" Yes. "but which ones are REALLY yours?!"  We just tell our kids that they are all ours but that some people need to put labels on others so that they can feel better. I hope that no one has truly wanted to be mean or viscious to us merely curious.

P Celeste - posted on 02/28/2009

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No I cant believe that someone thought you would dress a boy in pink because it might be all you had... that's just nuts and so probably was the person who asked it.. Now on the the comments about "Don't you know what causes that" well I have 7 kids and am a Minister's wife so when I reply w/ my comment of "Yes and its fun!" that shuts them up every time... Enjoy your blessing have fun w/ the rude people and tell them when the say "Thank God its not me or their not mine" "Yes Im thankful to or Im glad their not yours too." I've used that with people I know a little better & yet they still say that..it usually shuts them up for awhile.. I say use a nice tone and let them be offended for a change. :)

Tiffany - posted on 02/27/2009

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We always get the do you know what causes that? I say yes... GREEN M&M's.. IThe rudest comment ever made was when we lost our son at birth and the person said, "Well, at least you have five other children".. I responded with "Well, you have ten good fingers why don't we just cut one of those off you will still have nine others!" We went on to have our sweet little caboose.. Loving every minute. Three girls, three boys.

Tangi - posted on 02/27/2009

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Well ur not the only one gets those silly remarks,we live in Lower hutt,wellington,people stop us in the street of all places,only takes one silly person n ask how many children u have?well i tell ur information we have got 9 kids ages 25,19,16,10,9,9,4,3,1,they look wif there eyes mouth wide open,wen they ask how can u afford it i say easy as one two three,its the same as everyone else,

even had one lady frm cyps of all people ask the dumb question dont u think u had enuff children i trn n look n said wot who gives u the right to tell people when they can have n stopped having kids,we were put on this earth to have kids so be it and if our bodys can handle having kids so be it.i think the woman went very red with a dumb look.

as for people who dont use their eyes sure u would agree i get hacked off when people call ur boy in blue a girl,i get this all the time till one day my son turn around n said out loud im a boy not a girl do u see im in blue not pink n get ur facts rite next time frm my 4yr old..

Tangi - posted on 02/27/2009

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Well ur not the only one gets those silly remarks,we live in Lower hutt,wellington,people stop us in the street of all places,only takes one silly person n ask how many children u have?well i tell ur information we have got 9 kids ages 25,19,16,10,9,9,4,3,1,they look wif there eyes mouth wide open,wen they ask how can u afford it i say easy as one two three,its the same as everyone else,

even had one lady frm cyps of all people ask the dumb question dont u think u had enuff children i trn n look n said wot who gives u the right to tell people when they can have n stopped having kids,we were put on this earth to have kids so be it and if our bodys can handle having kids so be it.i think the woman went very red with a dumb look.

as for people who dont use their eyes sure u would agree i get hacked off when people call ur boy in blue a girl,i get this all the time till one day my son turn around n said out loud im a boy not a girl do u see im in blue not pink n get ur facts rite next time frm my 4yr old..

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i have 5 kids including my step son ranging from 14 to 3 and the favorite at the moment seems to be don't you have a tv? whilst they drive me to distraction with thier noise sometimes i wouldn't have it any other way!

Tara - posted on 02/26/2009

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I grew up in a family of 5 kids. my father had mt sister and I and my step mum had her 2 boys and a daughter. at school people would call us one short off the brady bunch. they also used to ask us if we got our clother from second hand clothes stores and if we got given charity.



i never used to understand how people could think that and when i got a little older people started asking if we were poor because there were so many of us and i just turned around and told them that i lived a better life then them because my family wasnt all about money and what we wanted. we were just happy being with each other and that we had enough money for everything that we needed.

[deleted account]

Howdy. I'm new here...enjoying this thread ! The comments, the surprise, the curiosity that others seem to find toward those with large families sure adds spice to life, LOL. Mostly, I don't mind the comments. We rarely get rude comments, but the few times it has happened, I have no problem returning like for like. Usually, it's my kids who will speak up, though ! Typically, they charm whomever they're talking to and enhance their already curious mind.
In addition to two goldfish, my one and only hubbers and I have five boys; five girls, and a 1 week old granddaughter (our first grandchild), and another one coming in August.
Life is good.

Catherine - posted on 02/25/2009

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I absolutely love this thread!!!  We have 6 total.  1 Bio (5), 3 adopted (5, 3,2) and two former foster kids who still live with us (2 and 3 months).  I have also been a surrogate mother 3 x.  We live in a small town and get all kinds of comments, most people recognize us now.  because of size difference we look like we have stair stepper kids.  Except for my last pregnancy.  I was 8 months pregnant and had Jack.  People kept staring at me trying to figure out why my belly was so big and how I had such a tiny baby. I had to keep both babies in the hospital when I delivered, that also got a little confusing.  We get mostly decent comments.  But we do get "are you trying to populate the earth?", and of course "you're not having anymore are you?"

[deleted account]

i fully understand. I have six children and two step children. When we go out together people look stare and point. It got so bad that my 16yr old will not invite friends over, even to the extent that the older children would rather stay home than go to mcdonalds. Its a sad world when other people put their issues and inscurites upon those that are happy with their choices. I know that i would have it no other way. even though the washing grows out of the tiled floor, socks get eaten by the dogs and the two younger ones sneak the guinea pigs inside and i find them running round the house.

Shannon - posted on 02/23/2009

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Between my husband and I we have 5 ages 11 to 11 months old. I get "You look to young to have 5 kids" people that knew me in high school are always to shocked. I also had wow Christmas time must break you. My kids are well behaved children but if I have to tell someone to stop touching things it seems like the whole world is watching me. On the other hand I have had a lot of older people tell me what a beautiful family I have so that's always nice.

Shannon - posted on 02/23/2009

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Between my husband and I we have 5 ages 11 to 11 months old. I get "You look to young to have 5 kids" people that knew me in high school are always to shocked. I also had wow Christmas time must break you. My kids are well behaved children but if I have to tell someone to stop touching things it seems like the whole world is watching me. On the other hand I have had a lot of older people tell me what a beautiful family I have so that's always nice.

Annmarie - posted on 02/22/2009

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yes i have 7 only 5 living with us but 4 of them r teens its rare im out with all of them so not many people know but people do coment on it yes



 

Katrina - posted on 02/22/2009

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Tell me about it, and today's society tends to frown on anyone who has more than 3 children...I have 5 kids, and of course, I get the normal comments of "Hope that's the last one!!"..I mean, come on!!!

Holly - posted on 02/21/2009

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We have 7 in total 4 his 2 mine 1 together. When they were younger We always got " wow your the brady bunch" I just have to laugh !  Its even funnier when I tell them how many kids and granbabies we have their mouths just drop!

Holly - posted on 02/21/2009

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We have 7 in total 4 his 2 mine 1 together. When they were younger We always got " wow your the brady bunch" I just have to laugh !  Its even funnier when I tell them how many kids and granbabies we have their mouths just drop!

Dawn - posted on 02/18/2009

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i know how you feel i ad my 9 th six month ago, and he was very poorly at birth,and sombody said well you,ve got 8 healthy ones don,t winge, some people can be cruel,me and my husband always wanted a big family,but your made to feel like second rate citizens. good luck to you all with big familys

Trudi - posted on 02/16/2009

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Living in San Diego, it is rare to see even me with 4 kids! I love this site, it is my new best friend!! I get looks constantly and I have even had someone ask me " Don't you own a t.v., you obviously have too much time on your hands." Ha, ha, I love having a big family. I also get the," how do you afford it in San Diego" comment but I mostly get asked about my sanity level.  I love having this group of people to relate with. I'm glad I found it.

Claire - posted on 02/16/2009

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Quoting Susan



My 6 often end up in the same room too for some reason. They are much happier when they are together. Even if they have friends sleeping over they all crowd into 1 room!  I agree about the comment 'are they all with the same man' being SO rude. Nobody would dream of asking a parent of 2 or 3 kids if they had the same dad! This site has made me feel so much better about being part of a large family, particularly the room sharing thing as I often feel I apologise for the fact the 4 girls in particular have to share so thank you!!!! Good luck with no 6, do you know what you're having?





Thanks. We don't know what we're having yet just 14 weeks at the moment but we might keep this one as a surprise.

Amanda - posted on 02/16/2009

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hi i have 6 children and i always get the same remark every where i go "dont you have a telly" ive bin getting that since my 3rd child was born 12 years ago, i got that fed up of people saying that to me i now reply back " ye ive 6 tvs thanks but bbc keep repeating every thing so theres nothing else to do" it soon shuts them up.

Heather - posted on 02/16/2009

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My husband and I have three children, two girls-ages two and four, and a three-month-old boy. When friends found out I was pregnant with the third one, they asked if we hadn't figured out what caused it, yet. It is irritating, especially because we don't plan on quitting yet. I feel if you can support and train your children properly, then have as many as you can properly handle. What gets me riled is people like Octomom: 33, single, unemployed, living with her parents, and having 14 children.

Susan - posted on 02/16/2009

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Quoting [no name]:

Hi I'm new here. We have 5 children 3 boys aged 12, 10 & 7 1/2 and 2 girls aged 5 and 2 and are expecting baby no 6 in August. We get all these comments too. The one that annoyed me the most was are they all from the same man? (which they are) Also was this planned and that's it now right? And were are you going to put them all. The boys all share a room and so do the girls. Far from being deprived they actually like being together and will often all end up in the same room which people don't understand. They love being part of a big family and can't wait to meet their new brother or sister.



My 6 often end up in the same room too for some reason. They are much happier when they are together. Even if they have friends sleeping over they all crowd into 1 room!  I agree about the comment 'are they all with the same man' being SO rude. Nobody would dream of asking a parent of 2 or 3 kids if they had the same dad! This site has made me feel so much better about being part of a large family, particularly the room sharing thing as I often feel I apologise for the fact the 4 girls in particular have to share so thank you!!!! Good luck with no 6, do you know what you're having?

Susan - posted on 02/16/2009

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Quoting [no name]:

Hi I'm new here. We have 5 children 3 boys aged 12, 10 & 7 1/2 and 2 girls aged 5 and 2 and are expecting baby no 6 in August. We get all these comments too. The one that annoyed me the most was are they all from the same man? (which they are) Also was this planned and that's it now right? And were are you going to put them all. The boys all share a room and so do the girls. Far from being deprived they actually like being together and will often all end up in the same room which people don't understand. They love being part of a big family and can't wait to meet their new brother or sister.



My 6 often end up in the same room too for some reason. They are much happier when they are together. Even if they have friends sleeping over they all crowd into 1 room!  I agree about the comment 'are they all with the same man' being SO rude. Nobody would dream of asking a parent of 2 or 3 kids if they had the same dad! This site has made me feel so much better about being part of a large family, particularly the room sharing thing as I often feel I apologise for the fact the 4 girls in particular have to share so thank you!!!! Good luck with no 6, do you know what you're having?

Claire - posted on 02/15/2009

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That's lovely. Reminds me of a friend of mine who has 7 grown up children. when she was expecting her 7th she was asked how she felt about it and she simply answered I feel blessed.

Sheri - posted on 02/15/2009

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When we got a call on the sister of our twin daughters we had no idea that their big brother was going to be joining us. I remember looking at our oldest son then 19 saying "who in their right mind would give us more children?" he answered so lovingly. "If you are faithful with the little things God gives you he will give you much." I had never thought of it that way and I am still not comfortable with that, for fear of what others would think. But I am truly thankful that God sees our family as faithful and sees that we have been given many. I am not saying those without children are not found faithful. I am just saying that this is how God has told me he will take care of everything in our future.

Sheri - posted on 02/15/2009

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When we got a call on the sister of our twin daughters we had no idea that their big brother was going to be joining us. I remember looking at our oldest son then 19 saying "who in their right mind would give us more children?" he answered so lovingly. "If you are faithful with the little things God gives you he will give you much." I had never thought of it that way and I am still not comfortable with that, for fear of what others would think. But I am truly thankful that God sees our family as faithful and sees that we have been given many. I am not saying those without children are not found faithful. I am just saying that this is how God has told me he will take care of everything in our future.

Claire - posted on 02/15/2009

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Hi I'm new here. We have 5 children 3 boys aged 12, 10 & 7 1/2 and 2 girls aged 5 and 2 and are expecting baby no 6 in August. We get all these comments too. The one that annoyed me the most was are they all from the same man? (which they are) Also was this planned and that's it now right? And were are you going to put them all. The boys all share a room and so do the girls. Far from being deprived they actually like being together and will often all end up in the same room which people don't understand. They love being part of a big family and can't wait to meet their new brother or sister.

Sheri - posted on 02/13/2009

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We are a foster to adopt family as well. Our children though are actually 2 bio boys, 4 sibiling group and one precious baby boy. Our sibiling group came to us a the wrong birth order so there is a lot of explaining to do. Our twins (10) (at the age of 18 months) came first, their little sister (6) came next(at 4yrs old), then came the baby(not related) and now the oldest brother (11). we get all the questions, it's just now that the baby is looking different than the rest of us we are now getting the "are they your grandchildren?" and then the "are you a foster family?" But you see at first it's unbelief then we become saints. We just felt the Lord telling us to increase our family and he has place each child into our home at the right time.

Sheri - posted on 02/13/2009

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We are a foster to adopt family as well. Our children though are actually 2 bio boys, 4 sibiling group and one precious baby boy. Our sibiling group came to us a the wrong birth order so there is a lot of explaining to do. Our twins (10) (at the age of 18 months) came first, their little sister (6) came next(at 4yrs old), then came the baby(not related) and now the oldest brother (11). we get all the questions, it's just now that the baby is looking different than the rest of us we are now getting the "are they your grandchildren?" and then the "are you a foster family?" But you see at first it's unbelief then we become saints. We just felt the Lord telling us to increase our family and he has place each child into our home at the right time.

Jennifer - posted on 02/13/2009

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We have 5 kids, 15,14,13,11,10.  I so want another baby so badly but can not naturally because of health problems. My best friend has offered to be a surragote for us.  I have been testing the waters as to see how people are going to react to this.  Let me tell you it has not been good. People think we are crazy.... So sad that children are seen as such burdens instead of the blessins that they are.

Kylie - posted on 02/12/2009

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Hi my name is Kylie. I have 4 children and what really gets me is when you get accused of having kids for money!! What money?? By the time you get all you need there is never much left. I dont care, my kids always come before me!! I love my kids with so much of me. It makes me so angry when you hear the snide remarks and get the awful looks. I just want to say something, it is si frustrating!!

Kat - posted on 02/09/2009

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today i was accused of trying to "get one over on te IRS". the man was completely serious! if 5 is enough to bother people, i can't wait to see what happens by the time i'm done

Angela - posted on 02/08/2009

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I have five kids and I totally get it.  We live in a house that we are outgrowing, and people ask me if my kids sleep in dresser drawers.  I hear things like "How can you all fit in there?"  Our house isn't ridiculously small, but our kids do share bedrooms.  I remember when that was the norm, and now I feel like people think our kids are disadvantaged because they don't have their own bedroom! PS...I just LOVE the comment about "We know what you guys are doing..." How would people with no kids feel if people went up and asked them if they EVER have sex?  NONE OF PEOPLES' BUSINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lori - posted on 02/08/2009

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I wanted to remind all the large families how blessed you are. I have one daughter and two step-sons. We have been a blended family for three years and I have always wanted more kids. For health reasons it will not happen but I will admit my daughter and I baby watch every Sunday at church. One time my husband was holding a friends newborn and my daughter looked at him and said, " see dad it's not so bad, we should have one." Again - don't let jealous people get you down to much. My husband and I do plan to get involved with foster care when are children are older and can understand it a little better.

Lori - posted on 02/08/2009

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I wanted to remind all the large families how blessed you are. I have one daughter and two step-sons. We have been a blended family for three years and I have always wanted more kids. For health reasons it will not happen but I will admit my daughter and I baby watch every Sunday at church. One time my husband was holding a friends newborn and my daughter looked at him and said, " see dad it's not so bad, we should have one." Again - don't let jealous people get you down to much. My husband and I do plan to get involved with foster care when are children are older and can understand it a little better.

Lori - posted on 02/08/2009

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I wanted to remind all the large families how blessed you are. I have one daughter and two step-sons. We have been a blended family for three years and I have always wanted more kids. For health reasons it will not happen but I will admit my daughter and I baby watch every Sunday at church. One time my husband was holding a friends newborn and my daughter looked at him and said, " see dad it's not so bad, we should have one." Again - don't let jealous people get you down to much. My husband and I do plan to get involved with foster care when are children are older and can understand it a little better.

[deleted account]

Well, I have 7 children, 19-2 and I am due for my 8th child on my 43rd birthday--May 1. I have been asked more than once if I am Catholic or Mormon (I'm not.)



One of the funniest comments I got recently was from some Mormon elders who came to my door. My four youngest were playing outside, and they asked if they were all mine. I told them yes and actually I have 7 children with one more on the way. They looked at each other in shock and said, "Wow, we know one woman who has 6 children, but we don't know anyone with more than that."



I thought it was SO funny that I have more children than the Mormons around here! LOL

Taryn - posted on 02/07/2009

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I too have four boys and was laways amused at the question 'are you going to KEEP trying for a girl'? We never tried for anything and I was NEVER disappointed with having all boys, I always want at least four children and what more could you ask for other than a healthy happy bub? And yes I agree - 4 is considered large which is sad - I love hearing about these familes of 6 and 8 and more - and yes, we have a TV in our room!!!!!

Taryn - posted on 02/07/2009

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Good for you - my philosophy is if your children have a roof over their heads, are clothed and well fed and most importantly know that they are loved, then you are doing a fantastic job at being a parent x

Taryn - posted on 02/07/2009

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What is it? We have 4 boys 8,6,3y 10m and 2y 7m and I would love to have more and think it is so fantastic seeing big families - the comments 'how do you cope?' 'you have your hands full' etc etc etc - yet we are the ones who will always have laughter and noise and so many stories to listnen to and then there's Christmas and birthdays which are all the more special - the more there are, the more love there is to give and receive - so tell me who's missing out? May I also say that the social skills of children from bigger families goes without saying.

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