Rude or stupid things people say to you when you have a big family

Amy - posted on 11/03/2008 ( 419 moms have responded )

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I am sure that I am not the only one who gets those stupid and sometimes very personal questions or comments becasue I have 6 kids. So I thought I would vent and share with everyone.

I think the worst thing people say goes something like "Don't you know what causes that?" or "We know what you two have been doing!" Those are the more common tame versions. Occasionally they get pretty graphic and WAY too personal. Do people have no boundaries anymore?

I also get asked ALL the TIME "how can you afford it?" Even when people don't come right out and ask, they make comments that suggest we must be destitute. Just recently someone asked if my 4 month old girl, dressed all in pink, was a boy. When I said no the woman said "well, you have all those kids. I just thought maybe pink was all you had." Can you believe it?!

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Jennifer - posted on 11/17/2008

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Oh wow so sorry that there are so many insensitive people out there! I have four children and my boyfriend has three. We have talked about marriage. We have even talked about having one of our own..but that will all depend on when we marry!! We don't get comments..we get looks. Our children match up in ages..2 15yr old girls..14yr old boy, 13 1/2yr old boy, 8yr old twins and 7yr old boy. SO either they are thinking ' hmm did they even wait??" Or they wonder who belongs to who!! No matter to us...we love our outings and I do love the confusion on their faces!!!

[deleted account]

Love the shirts Amy. For my last baby (# 8) my girlfriend got me a shirt that said, "Yes, the rumors are true." I loved it and so did everybody else. Even when we were not pregnant we were constantly being asked if we were because they had heard...........

Amy - posted on 11/16/2008

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We are pregnant with our 4th (with more planned, God willing), and I have been looking at some great maternity shirts that answer all these questions from people. That way they can just look at my shirt and not say anything to me! Here are some of my favorites:

Yes, they're all mine.

Yes, I have my hands full.

No, we are not done.

Yes, we know what causes it.

I'm glad it's me and not you, too.

We plan to keep going until we get an ugly one.

Any other questions??

Ginger - posted on 11/15/2008

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Wow! I love all the comebacks:) We have 8 (his,mine ,ours) and we have to laugh every time we go shopping. People just stare. Sometimes I want to send my kids running all over the store so it actually looks as hard as people seem to think it is...LOL

Margaret - posted on 11/10/2008

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Incredible. There are no boundaries anymore. The dominant thought is 2 kids is it and any more-you're nuts. We have 8 and when I go out in public it's like being a celebrity, so many questions and many of them rude. I try to be polite. My husband has a comeback for "Why don't you get a TV?" He asks what kind of loser prefers to TV to sex? : )

Jeana - posted on 11/07/2008

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Oh, the things WE hear..... we've come to the point where we actually sometimes say something first so WE get the shock factor. LOL Almost always, people try to guess whether we are catholic or mormon...... and we are ALWAYS asked if we are done yet. My response is always "We'll be done when Heavenly Father stops trusting us enough to keep sending them...." We're a blended family -- mine, his, ours -- and we get a LOT of people who ask us how we do it. Well, we do it just like everybody else..... only bigger or smaller, depending on how you look at it.

Amy - posted on 11/07/2008

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I really appreciate the comment by Questie Collins Reams. I find that I get the most upset when I am already frustrated by the challenges of a big family with small kids. It seems that those are the days when people really nail me. I remember one day a few years ago when my husband was deployed (He is in the Army) and we were living in a new, overseas location. I had 4 kids at the time and the oldest was 5. I was at the store and this man walks by with the customary "Whoa! Are all these yours?!" (As the kids are asking for everything they see all at once.) I managed to say "Yes" without screaming at him and he just smiled and said "That's awesome! I have 7 myself." Then he points to a group of teenagers down the aisle and explains that 4 of them are his and the others are with his wife. He then tells me to take everything in stride because they will be grown before I know it. You can probably imagine how that changed my day, my week!

[deleted account]

We would get a lot of "interesting" when our 5 girls were younger (5 under the age of 8). Lots of people would ask us where our boys were, were we trying for a boy, and did I feel like a failure because I hadn't given my husband a son! Years later, we were blessed with two sons. Our girls are out of the house now, and we just have our two youngest boys at home. I've been asked if I'm their grandmother! I've learned it's better for my sake if I just smile or laugh and then say what a blessing it is to have these beautiful children. That will often make them stop and think and then either agree or change the subject. I love all the responses that have been offered here. I will have to write them down, as I can never remember witty comebacks at the moment.

[deleted account]

We have 8 children the oldest is 16 and the youngest is 8 months. We live in a small town and have heard all of these comments.

To the "don't you know what causes this" we say, Sure do it's just so much fun that we can't stop.

To the "how can you afford it" we say, God sent them to us and he will make a way for us to take care of them. (And it has always been amazing to me how that works. Even in times when my hubbie was out of work we were well provided for and never went without things that we needed.)



We need to take it all with a grain of salt. Seriously people are so shocked by large families that they sometimes forget themselves and their upbringing :-) Honestly I don't believe they intend to be rude, hurtful, or personal.

Michelle Hornbeak - posted on 11/06/2008

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I get the comment "Wow, you have your hands full!" all the time, drives me nuts. I've taken to just smiling and saying "Better full than empty." After that, they just smile and change the subject.. :)

Robyn - posted on 11/06/2008

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We too have 6 and I completely understand. I love the question, "Are you have more?" Because my truthful answer is, "We're hoping to adopt some day." That really gets them going. A long time ago I had found a site that a mom of a large family put together and she had done a great job with compiling a list of horrid things people say to us with some great responses after them. Tried to find it for you, but could not. I did find a small list though on another site. Some of my favorite responses are, "We just trying to make up for all the idiots out there." Or to the comment, "Geez, I couldn't handle that many kids!" the "Well Mama, maybe if I had your child(ren) maybe I couldn't handle more either!" Anyway, here's a few others, hope you enjoy!

If you get the ol' "You're not having any more, are you?!", tell 'em there's two kinds of contraceptives: the stuff that doesn't work, and the stuff that's really bad for you.

If they persist, give them my no-fail response: "You're being intolerant of my alternative lifestyle."

There's also "we have a moral obligation to the gene pool" for the really haughty ones.

"We're desperately trying to save Social Security, and even if we can't, at least we're covered!"

"We're in charge of making the right wing conspiracy a vast one."

"Gosh I know! If only my husband wasn't so good looking this wouldn't be a problem!"

Julie - posted on 11/06/2008

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I have four girls under the age of 5. I am constantly told my hands are full. I have come to the place where I respond, "Not so much." or "NO, we still need some boys." I really don't feel my hands are full. Maybe after 7 - 8 kids I will feel full.

Megwynn - posted on 11/05/2008

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I am also new to this site, and am really happy to find it. My hubby and I got married when he was 18 and I was 20, and we had our first son a little over a year later. Our second boy two years after that and our 3rd almost 3 years later. We were very surprised by the arrival of a GIRL two years after that! LOL! Our oldest is 13 and our baby is 6. We just found out that #5 is on the way, heard the heartbeat today. People have actually ask my husband if they're all his! People are always making rude comments, but for the most part we've learned to ignore them.

Sonja - posted on 11/05/2008

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Just this weekend my mother told me if we get pregnant again, she is going to split her own head open. Her brother looked at her and then told me to get on the phone with my husband and get him here as fast as possible... to think, we only have 4.

Marlee - posted on 11/05/2008

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I am a fan of a radio program here. The morning show guy I don't think believed me when I told him I had 7, not only that but out of the 9 (with my husband and I) 7 of us take taekwondo. SO when I saw him a local fair and introduced my family to him. He asked you do know what causes that? I said yes but I like the practice way too much to stop. This has made us friends and he loves hearing from me.

Susan - posted on 11/05/2008

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My personal favorite. We have 8 children, ages 3 - 12.

This little, tiny woman, came up to my husband (not small) in Wal-mart. Started hitting him with her purse. She was so mad at him. She asked him if he knew what he was doing to me! Like I have no say in any of our choices. My children all stood there with their mouths open.

[deleted account]

i am new to this site but saw your heading. we are preg with our 5th baby and just on halloween someone asked us if this was all our kids we said yes and that we had one more on the way. the look on their faces was pure shock of something like WHY!! would you do that to your self. it was funny. i have a feeling we will get more of those when the baby is born.
charlene

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