Should I be feeling this way?

Kristina - posted on 07/02/2012 ( 15 moms have responded )

6

0

0

I am in my 9th month of pregnancy and my husband and I just found out last week that due to complications of the pregnancy I will need a c-section, need to stop working, and be put on bed rest. My husbands mother planned a family camping trip for this past weekend (beginning of the 9th month) midway into this pregnancy. She has made it clear from the beginning that it would be understandable if I can't make it, and that my husband should go with his children from a previous marriage even if I can't. She has let us know for several occasions that it is perfectly acceptable if only my husband can make it to her events. I feel that this pregnancy with it's complications should be the responsibility of both myself and my husband. My husband decided to go on the vacation with his mom, sister, and kids. They are 4 hours away and have very inconsistent cell phone reception. I explained to my husband that I didn't feel that this was fair to me and left me feeling very anxious if something happened with the baby. He seemed to feel that he owed it to his mom to be there as they have had these plan set for a few months. Should I be upset?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Tracie - posted on 07/14/2012

6

1

1

Anyone who thinks its okay for your husband to go on the trip is CRAZY!!! I would be pissed. I don't care if it was you 4th child. When the trip was planned the trip midway into your pregnancy. Well that was a genius idea. Everyone knew you would be having a baby around that time. What if you have the baby? He would be off camping. It is inconsiderate and selfish on his part. He's not married to his mother or his children for that matter. They could have planned the trip later in the year. Shame on him. Let us know what happens ie. did he miss the birth or he makes it?

Adriane - posted on 07/11/2012

14

45

2

WOW I think that your MIL insisting that hubby can attend "family events" without you is rude and quite insulting. In my opinion it sounds as if she plans events with the thought that it may not be convenient for you and therefore you won't be around.

Now on to the question at hand. Once it was determined that the camping trip was planned during your ninth month your hubby should've immediately told his mother that hew wouldn't be attending; and now that you're on bedrest and he still chose to go that is just insensitive on his part.

I think the other issue you should be looking at is MIL knowing her boundaries and your hubby making his mom understand that there are boundaries. You are his wife and to put it out there that it's "acceptable" for you to miss family events she plans is just rude. It just made me feel like she's saying she doesn't really want you there so it's okay if you miss it. Okay I'm going to quite because the more I read and type the more annoyed I become with your hubby and MIL.

Chaya - posted on 07/10/2012

737

0

227

Your mother in law is being a jerk. Your husband is being selfish too. Your well being is more important than any camping trip. Next year, or next camping trip will probably happen, then everyone will have fun with the baby. I hope your husband reconsiders. Grandma can take other children if she wishes, and she should unless they wish to be there for the birth, considering their ages

Ashley - posted on 07/10/2012

6

1

0

Some of these responses are just so mind boggling to me. Just like you knew he had kids before you got married, he knew you did not. You should not be cheated or short changed on your experience because he chose to marry someone without kids. I had a somewhat similiar situation. My husband's ex-wife sent her kids to live with us full time because she could not take care of them. I had to have an emergency C-section. My husband was there for the birth but I was left in the hospital by myself the next 3 nights because there was no one there to help with his kids and of course they could not stay at the hospital with us nor what I have wanted that anyway. So he would drop them off to school, visit me during the day, then pick them up from school while I'm left in the hospital alone to recover from a very serious surgery. 3 or 4 weeks later, he decides to go out of town for work that he really had the option of saying no to and left me with his 2 kids, my new baby, and my recovering C-section scar alone for 3 days. I was FURIOUS!!!!! At least your husband had the decency to take his kids with him. But I completely understand what you are going through. Knowing that you would have been in your last trimester when they were originally planning this doggone camping trip, he should have opted out. There can always be another camping trip, but you will never be able to re-experience the birth of your first child. Leaving you there alone being on bed rest really seems like he nor his family is to concered about your health. I will pray for you and your situation. Stay strong!

Brittney - posted on 07/04/2012

195

15

24

I would be pissed. But I would have made it clear from the start that it would be completely inappropriate for him to leave me alone in that condition. And I would have made it clear in front of his mother who was insisting that he could go without you. I would have told them both that a family tip during my 9th month would be inappropriate for everyone in the first place. So no one wants to be around when I give birth? You can all just take it or leave it cause this kid isn't the first kid so who cares? No, every kid is exciting and special and the other kids should be in town at that time too so they can meet their new sibling. I would kick is ass.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

15 Comments

View replies by

Sofia - posted on 08/19/2012

263

12

80

Mmm.... I do think this is a bit difficult because it isn't so cut and dry. My first concern I think should be your health and the new baby's health. So depending on wether you had someone close to you to be there for you(like your own parents), daddy should have stayed. And if his mother really wanted to be helpful she would have arranged to take the kids on the trip allowing you and dad a break. But not all mother in laws are that receptive to babysitting(my own mother hardly ever babysat her grand kids. That was just her way.) Unfortunately we don't live in a perfect world and can't always have what we wish for. I think my advice to you is to havea talk with hubby and then decide how much are you going to let this bother you.

Bethany - posted on 08/18/2012

17

24

5

Yes! When y'all got married he made a promise to you! NOT HIS MOTHER! You have ever right to BR upset eith him, and personally I would be pissed at my MIL too.

Laura - posted on 08/18/2012

1

0

0

It seems to me that your husband's priorities are mixed up. You should be #1 priority, especially now with your difficulty pregnancy (with any pregnancy and delivery for that fact) and your need of his support with the bed rest and upcoming C-section. Your MIL isn't seeing things clearly. She is being selfish with her desires. If she really wants to go camping, then she can go, and take the kids with her. But, in my opinion, she should try to be more understanding of your situation. Plus, you can all go camping later--why does it have to be NOW? If I were you, I would INSIST on having your husband by your side--let your MIL think what she wants. She'll get over it, and if not, then she needs to be redirected in her way of thinking. (Perhaps this is a test to see if you will stand up for what you believe in--maybe she is testing you to see how strong you are, who knows?) Don't be intimidated by her desires/demands...your husband is married to YOU, not your MIL... Best of luck. God Bless!

Ana - posted on 08/15/2012

439

0

74

Yes..you should be..

He needs to be there for you..Anything that takes him away from you until this baby is born should be cancelled or re-scheduled...Anything,,

Brittany - posted on 07/13/2012

7

0

0

You're understandably upset since you're worried about you and your baby's welfare. I say as long as you have SOMEONE there in case something should happen, then you should be fine and you can tell your DH I told you so, should something come up. But if he's your only local support system (like it would be in my case) he really should've stayed home. He's been through pregnancies before, so he's probably downplaying this one more than you're willing to (I'm assuming this is your first). Just relax, try not to stress out over it since it's already said and done with, and make sure you have someone lined up to help if something were to go wrong.

Chaya - posted on 07/11/2012

737

0

227

The grandmother should stay out of it or take the children camping and let dad stay with mom, anything else would have gotten my husband a lot earlier then we are. I know that sounds selfish, but my dad's wife couldn't mind her own business to save my life.

Krystal - posted on 07/10/2012

3

0

0

I totally agree with brittney !!!! It may not be his first child but it is yours and he should have enough respect for you to recognise that....it is his child to!!!! so what its not his first he should be greatful for all the time you have spent growing his child and be rubbing ur feet !!! good luck chin up !

Julie - posted on 07/04/2012

506

5

94

i dont feel it is bad of him to go on the trip with the kids it has been booked paid for and planned and everyone was looking forward to it. that said he should have only gone if there was soemone at home with you 24/7 while he was a way other wise his parents could have offered to take the kids while he stayed at home with you. the health and well being of all kids including the new ones on the way should be everyones priority

Louise - posted on 07/02/2012

122

5

6

Its a hard one isnt it?Do you know what, i would be a bit upset but then also
is it your 1st baby together?
If it is you must try and remember that he had kids before you got together and you knew that.
My hubby had 1 daughter when we got together and i took her on,we now have 7 children together though.
If its your 1st baby then untill you become a mum yourself you wont quite know what loving your child means,your husband i suppose doesnt want to let the kids down.
I know your worried about baby but im sure you will be fine.
Hes married you so he loves you but its not like he can do anything while your on bed rest is it?
He will be back soon and he will love this baby as equally as his others and as much as he does you to.
Chin up ,keep calm and relax.Enjoy your time together before your bundle of joy arrives.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms