Allyson - posted on 04/10/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )
I am the mother of 3 boys, ages 9, 7, and 2. My 9 and 7 yr olds father is deceased, and my fiance is father to my 2yr old. My fiance also has 2 daughters, both with different mothers. His youngest daughter is 4yrs old, going on 5. We have her every week, from Thurs. afternoon, until 8 or 9 Sunday night. Her mother will also call us about once a week in between Mon-Wed and ask us to take her, saying that if we dont she'll just have to take her to her boyfriends with her, cuz her grandma wont watch her. Mind u, "Grandma" is at home with all 3 of my step daughters siblings. My fiance takes his daughter EVERY time his daughters mom asks, he says because SOMEONE's gotta be the responsible parent (His daughters moms BF lives an hour away, and if she takes her daughter there, she doesn't take her to preschool the next day) My fiance pays child support for his daughter, even though WE have her ALL the time! To make matters worse, my fiance spoils his daughter rotten! My fiance has all these "rules" he expects MY kids to follow, but yet when his daughter breaks those same "rules", he does nothing! If he DOES ever reprimand her, she immediately turns on the tears, and he picks her up and says sorry, and proceeds to baby her. Whenever she comes over, her and my 2yr old are CONSTANTLY fighting, it just doesn't stop. I have set rules for her, but her dad tells her she doesn't have to listen to what I say, just to what HE says! I am at my wits end with his daughter, and him as well. I love my fiance very much, and the only thing we fight about is his daughter. He says I just dont understand, that he's easier on her because her mom smoked crack while she was pregnant with her, and he's not with her everyday, so when he is he doesn't want to yell at her, and he feels guilty that she has such a bad mom, so he owes it to her. I say that children NEED limits and rules, and that even if she doesn't like it, it'll help her to be a good person, and she'll respect him in the end. He wont hear it. He tells me I just dont like his daughter. I cringe when she comes over, because I know I'll have to listen to the fighting, tattling, and whining all day. She makes a huge mess, and I end up being the one who has to clean it up. I know I've taken my anger and frustration out on her more than once, but I dont mean to, I know its not her fault. But she's SUCH a brat! She also follows my fiance around EVERYWHERE, even to the bathroom, even if he tells her to stay downstairs, she follows him anyway, which really irritates me! I resent his daughter very much, as horrible as that is to say, but I feel like my fiance is alot harder on our son than his daughter, and I worry about my son not liking his sister, or resenting her also, because he see's that he's treated differently, and she gets away with everything! My 2 sons already cant stand her because of it. I brought her to my friends house the other day to play with their daughter, and when it was time to clean up, she told my friend she didn't have to, because she's the princess. My friend tried to make her do it, but she flat out refused. She also stole things from their home. I made her bring them back, and apologize, but she was so bad when she was there my friend doesn't want her to come back! My fiance's family has also made comments to me, saying how horrible her behavoir is. Unfortunately, nobody will say anything to him, because he gets really defensive and yells. So they just tell him she was fine, and then tell ME about any problems. When I told him about what happened at my friends, he accused my friend of not liking his daughter, either. When I told him that even his own family was concerned about her behavior, he called them up and reamed them out, telling them not to tell me stuff about his daughter, because I "get off" on it. We tried couple's counseling, but as soon as the counselor told him he was wrong, he got angry, denied treating her different, and refused to go back. I dont want my kids to act the way this little girl is headed when she gets older, so I am absolutely determined to put an end to it. I feel bad because I really cant stand this kid anymore! I DO try my best not to show it, and I do go pick her up without my fiance, take her to the zoo, or swimming, or whatever I'm doing with my 2 yr old, but I always end up regretting it! Does anyone have a similar problem, or any suggestions about what else I should do? This is not the way I ever expected my life to be!