Step daughters attitude

Amber - posted on 05/18/2010

What I think would really help would be to sit down with her and remind her that even if she has to go visit her mom, you'll be waiting right there to bring her back and that you'll miss her and love her the whole time she's gone. Maybe give her something small like a snapshot of you and her father or one of your scarves or something that she can hold on to when she feels scared or anxious while not with ya'll. My oldest did have a tiny bit of attitude at that age too, but to me, it sounds like the visitation thing could be aggravating it.

Heather - posted on 05/11/2010

you know..I dated a guy way back when...lol..and he had a daughter...and when she would come over it was one battle after another..I tried everyway I could think of to make her feel comfortable in our house..one day I found her on the back steps crying..and I sat down beside her and asked her what was wrong and if there was anything I could to help...it took a little while...but we started talking...and thats when she told me...my mom says Im suppose to hate you...but you are always nice to me and I like being here w/ you...so I just dont know what to do! That little girl was sooo confused...and hurt..she and I took a walk..and talked about everything..and after that>>she and I were fine..I explained to her I wasnt trying to take her moms place...that I just wanted to be her friend...and that if she ever needed to talk...I would be there to listen...and you know..her dad and I split up a few years later...but to this day she still calls me..drops by if she is in the area..and came to ME when she came up preg...and talked to me about it...sometimes..they just need to know it is ok like the new person in dad or moms life...of course her mom still to this day despises me...and her ex and I havent been together in 5+ years??? Makes me laugh!

Laura - posted on 05/11/2010

my stepdaughter also goes back and forth....i think it has alot to do with feeling guilty towards me. biomom has made it perfectly clear to her that she doesnt like me and i am trying to interfere in their relationship. i think that sometimes she feels close to me and after that is when she is rude to me because she is battling guilty for being nice to me when i am "the enemy" i have explained to her that she has a big heart and it has room for lots of people.

Terry - posted on 04/06/2010

i have four step kids.. and they are showing signs of attitude, i need help

Heather - posted on 03/29/2010

HHHMMMM this interesting for me>>>as my step kids are "grown" and we are STILL going thru this...one day the oldest is fine w/ me...then out of the blue he hates me..then he is back to being ok w/ me...we have discovered when his mom is not getting along w him is when he is fine w/ me...but when his mom is whinning about her ex and I...then he has a problem w me again...we got together when our kids were all teenagers...and it has been an on-going issue.Our kids are now...18 20 21 22 23>>its the 22 yr old that goes back and forth...the others all seem to be ok w things....I wish you luck>>>and hope things get better!

Heather - posted on 03/24/2010

I am having the same problem with my soon to be 6yr old step daughter, I've tried everything, having mommy and me time, doing special things, Talking with her, Setting up rules, schedules and discipline standards yet nothing seems to have a "lasting impression" on her. She had a VERY rough first 3 years of her life until her father got full custody of her and i seem to think this has alot to do with it, like shes afraid to open up and respect me because of the things she went through and how her biological mother treated her... Just keep hoping one day it gets better and try my best to make things as happy as possible! :) :/

Christine - posted on 03/23/2010

It's very hard on kids that have more than one home,i have a daughter that goes to her dads every other weekend,she hates going cause she says its not the same,Give her time and just continue to show her tons of love!

Jessica - posted on 02/28/2010

Hi! I have a 12 who old, who when she was 9, used to give her step mom attitude, i made it clear to her that I did not approve of it and reminded her that even if she was not sure who she felt about her new step mom, she still had to be kind and respectful. I took it to another level that many "biological Moms" may not do, but I called her step mom one day and told her what was going on with my daughter and asked her if she would help me with my daughter. See, my daughter was jealous of the time her new step mom took away from her and her dad's (and brother) time together. And she was under the impression from friends at school that you were not suppose to like step parents and all were suppose to be mean and evil. When I talked to their stepmom she was so happy to finally understand the situation and was more than willing to help. So for my daughter's big 10th birthday the stepmom, myself, my daughter and her daughter all went for birthday pedicures. We continued to do little things together over the year and we let "our" daughter see us getting along and being friendly and all of the attitude had stopped. It was wonderful. Sometimes they still dont see eye to eye, but now they get along like friends and it is a great milestone :) They now talk more openly with eachother and only include me if no agreement can be made between the two. I hope things get better for you!

Bernadette - posted on 02/25/2010

Time for a mother daughter day! Plan a day for just you and her, take her to some place she might enjoy, like Mc Donalds for a happy meal, something, and sit down with her and have a talk, ask her if anything is bothering her, if she is mad at you and her dad, or even just at you, how her day at school was, ask her about anything that you think may be playing a role in her attitude change. Sometimes a child may feel less threatened, and more open to communication when it is just one on one, if you can get to the source of the problem with her, try to offer a deal/compromise, this will let her know that you have acknowledge there is a problem that she is facing in her new family situation, and allow her to express her feelings, even if her feelings are hurtful towards you & her dad, or just at you, she will feel that she has been listened to, and if you can come up with a compromise for her, it may help her better adjust to her new blended family.

Antonnia - posted on 02/24/2010

I agree with Lisa. Sometimes going from one place to another isn't a comfortable thing for a child.They are use to feeling stable and being consistent. Children are to young to understand but they should not be left to come up with their own thoughts of what might be going on or what you are feeling. They do think and become negative at that point. Children love structure because it stimulates a sense of trust that nothing is going to change. Sit her down and talk to her and be real open with her because children now are thinking more at a younger age. You might be surprise.

Lisa - posted on 02/23/2010

My step daughter is 7. She has had moments of attitude herself. I really think that it is just that she has different rules at both places and is allowed to do whatever she wants at her mom's house. A lot of parents think that makes kids happy, but I have found that both my step children seem happier with us because we are consistent with our daily routines, our rules, and discipline. It may just be that she finds it frustrating to go from one routine to another. All I can advise it to make sure to keep up whatever you are doing on your end. Make sure she feels safe and stable with you, you can't do anything about her mom's home. How long have you been in her life? I had more problems with my step daughter having attitude when I 1st started out. Now she knows our rules and I hardly ever get even a dirty look, let alone a smart comment.