Megan - posted on 03/17/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )
I have three of my own kids: daughter age 7, son age 5, and son age 1, my step son is 6 going on 7 next week. (oh and i found out the other day im pregnant again eek XD )
about 6 months after I moved in with my step son and his father things started going downhill (my older son was 2 and a half when we moved in)
At first my step son just wouldnt listen to me, no big deal really. then one day I had to send him to his room for a cool down, since he wouldnt go I half carried him upstairs (he was a heavy little devil when he wanted to be) at the top of the stairs he tried and almost succeeded in pushing us both back downstairs. Since then his behaviour has not only been eradic (sp?) but dangerous towards me. At one point I litterally had to hold him down so that he would not hurt me or himself (if he couldnt hurt me he would hurt himself)
His father has stepped in and even that hasnt helped much. He has been diagnosed with ADD ODD and PDD, to be totally honest I believe that these issues were more from nurture than nature as his mother still cannot deal with him properly and at that time his father was working and could not help raise him. At visits with his mother he gets junk food and there are litterally no rules for him. His father now has full custody but doesnt seem to like cutting off visits even though we have to deal with all the behaviours and breakdowns that come with it afterwards not to mention having to deal with re-teaching him the house rules over again.
my older son has seen his step brother doing a lot of these behaviours and just the other night when I asked for a kiss on the cheek he punched me in the face. not only was i horrified but my son went spastic and almost hated himself for it. Ive taught my kids since day one to never hit anyone. thankfully I can get through to my own son and help him work through all this but i cannot get through to my step son.
We have tried to get councelling, any type of therapy, and a one on one worker in class. all have been rejected. all we hear is that he doesnt need any help and the school insists that because the teacher has an assistant that he doesnt need a one on one worker. He has been suspended from school for hitting a teacher and throwing something at his classmates, and has had many days in which he has to go home early. Developmentally he shouldnt even be in school but we were forced to put him in school or face losing him to fostercare which would have completely destroyed him.
We are at a loss as to what to do. We tried all the normal discipline techniques and such and all that does is buy us some time to recoup. He is on medication but it doesnt do much and to be honest I do not want him thinking that if you have a problem drugs are the way to solve it.
Does anyone have anything that may help, he does not get very much junk food and we try to buy healthy foods that wont make him hyper. What scares me the most is that he willfully hit our youngest son on the forehead the other day and it didnt phase him what he did and there was little remorse. Im not looking for a path of enlightenment or anything but I dont want to see him in jail by the time he is a teen.
He is very creative and is quite smart, he loves music, dancing, and has eagle eyes on me when I do my paintings and sketchs. ive tried getting him his own art supplies but when he gets mad he destroys it and I cant afford to keep buying new stuff (his mood can change at a pin drop so if he had been good and was given his art stuff he could have a break down and tear everything up quicker than we can stop him)
anyone dealing with a child like this? any suggestions?